Life is a Diaper

Nice & Quiet

Both the girls are asleep and I'm relaxing for a bit. This has been one hell of a day! There was an extremely loud bell ringing at the fireworks place down the street from the time I woke up until about 1:30. My brother said it had been ringing since about 5 this morning. Just when I was about to get fed up with it and call the police (didn't know who else to call), it stopped.

After that, Arien started getting cranky because she was sleepy. That girl just doesn't like to sleep, and she fights it as hard as she can. Right after Arien finally gave it up, Gracie had her little accident and screamed bloody murder for about 20 minutes. I put her in my mom's room and turned cartoons on for her, and she finally quit. Then she was convinced that she couldn't walk because of the little scratch on her heel, and it took me forever to make her get up and walk. She walked to the bathroom and back and said, "You said it wouldn't hurt and it doesn't." Well duh, I'm the mom and I know what I'm talking about. Maybe she'll believe me next time.

I'm going to go take a nice long shower now. There's nothing more relaxing than a hot shower, and I do mean hot. I have to have the water as hot as I can stand it, or I just don't feel clean.

My Little Drama Queen

Somehow Gracie got her heel caught under the door a little bit ago, and she's been screaming at the top of her lungs since then. She says that it doesn't hurt, but she's still screaming! I'm hoping she'll scream herself to sleep, because I can't think of any other way to get her to stop. She doesn't want anyone to come near her, and I've tried everything to get her to sop.

Arien has been asleep the whole time she's been screaming, but I don't see how. I'm expecting her to wake up screaming any minute now. She's got a cold and she's been really cranky today too.

It's 3:00

Why am I still awake? I've tried to go to sleep, but I just can't and I know I'm going to pay for this tomorrow. It's been a while since I haven't been able to sleep, so I guess it's about time for a bout with insomnia. Everyone else is asleep, and it's kinda nice to be able to sit and enjoy the quiet, but there's nothing to do. There's nothing on tv but informercials, I've read all the books in the house, there's no one to talk to, and I can't clean because I might wake someone up.

Arien usually gets up around 6:30, so that's what time I have to get up. That's only 3 1/2 hours from now, so there's not use in even going to sleep. If I only sleep for a couple of hours I'll be more tired than if I don't, so I guess I'd better go find something to keep me occupied.

12 Hours

I've had one cigarette in the past 12 hours. I couldn't help it, I just had to have one. I didn't buy it though, I bummed it off my mom. I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep it up, though. I've eaten more today than I have in a long time, and I know it's because I haven't been smoking. If I keep that up, I'll gain 500 lbs, and I can't afford to gain anymore weight. I still haven't lost any of the weight I gained when I was pregnant with Arien. I already look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. If I keep gaining weight I'm going to look like the Michelin Man!

I'm Qutting

I bough a pack of cigarettes last night, smoked one, and went to sleep. When I woke up this morning, there were only 2 left in the pack. I can't afford to buy cigarettes for everybody in this house, so I'm quitting. I'm probably going to be extra bitchy for the next few days, but I'll try not to let it get too bad. Wish me luck!

Did I Do That?

I backed over my uncle's explorer when I was leaving my Granny's house. It didn't do anything to it or to my car, but I still feel bad. Actually I feel more stupid than bad. That was just so embarassing. I'm usually such a good driver, but this time I misjudged the distance between the two vehicles. Maybe next time he'll park somewhere other than behind me. There were plenty of places he could've parked instead of right there.

I got my dry dressing! You gotta love a woman who makes the same dish three different ways. She only makes the dressing to ways, but potato salad she makes three ways. The normal way - onions, pickles, eggs, etc. - for most of the family, no onions for my brother, and no eggs, no refrigerator for me. Potato salad just isn't good after it's been in the fridge. I think the cold takes away from the taste. Yes, I'm very picky.

I didn't eat any dessert at dinner, I was too full, so I brought it home. I think I can probably hold some now. Pumpkin pie, here I come!

Happy Thanksgiving

Judging by the way I've been neglecting this blog lately, I probably won't be posting tomorrow today (just noticed it's after midnight), so I just wanted to go ahead and say happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

I'm looking forward to lots of dressing tomorrow. I love my stepmom's dressing, but she only makes it on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I like my dressing dry, and she's the only person I know that makes it that way. This year, though, she told me she wasn't going to make it dry. She said she only cooks it that way because she thought Daddy liked it like that. So, I've been whining and trying to bribe her for the past 2 days to at least make me some special dry dressing. I don't think that's too much to ask, I mean, I don't eat turkey (ewwww. I don't like chicken, either), so the dressing is basically my main course.

Okay, enough with the silliness. I won't throw too big a fit if the dressing's not like I like it. I just like to pester my stepmom. I'm just thankful that my girls are happy and healthy and we actually get to have a Thanksgiving dinner. What more could I ask for? Happy Thanksgiving again, and may everyone's dressing be just how they like it!

I'm So Bored

I only got to work until 11:30 today. A whole three hours (started at 8:30), $36.00. So, basically I go up at the butt crack of dawn, battled with the kids trying to get them and myself ready at the same time, drug them out in the freezing cold, dropped them off at daycare, and traumatized Arien because I left her there for no reason at all. I tried to work really slow, but I can't stand to be slow. I tried to just sit there and play around after I was done, but I felt guilty for getting paid for nothing. Why do I have to have a conscience?

After I left work I went to Wally World to pick up some diapers. I walked around for a little while so I could break in my new boots with really high heels. My feet were killing me by the time I got out of there! Then, I went buy my cousin's house because I didn't want to go home. She was asleep. I can't believe she was still asleep at noon. I swear, that girl has the greatest life. She's never had a job, and she gets to sleep all day. Of course, her kids are running around destroying the house, but she still gets to sleep.

I've never been able to sleep knowing my kids were up, I don't know how she does it. Before I had kids I used to stay at her house every weekend. Her twins were probably not even 2 then, and the other 2 weren't even thought of. The twins would wake up early in the morning and be screaming at the top of their lungs, but she and her husband still wouldn't get up. I'd end up having to go get them up and feed them and all that stuff. Stuff like that is why I don't really have much respect for her, but her house was about the only place Wayne and I had to be together so I endured it.

Now, I'm just bored to tears. There's nothing to do at work, the house is clean, and everybody I know is either at work or asleep, and I don't have to pick up the girls until 4. I think I'm going to go find a good book to read. I haven't done that in a while.

Yum

Big Daddy's Outdoors has the best pizza in the world. Just thought y'all might like to know that.

Daycare was a big hit. Gracie didn't want to leave when I went to pick them up, and Arien wasn't too happy because I woke her up to take her home. The only thing that Gracie didn't like was that she didn't learn how to read and write. She said, "I wanted to learn how to write, but we didn't write today." She wants to be able to write so bad she can't stand it.

I bought her a diary yesterday. She begged me for it until I finally gave in. She goes and hides with it, and won't let anyone see what she's writing. I peeked in it when she wasn't looking, and she's written a bunch of letters in it. She can write Capital I's, lowercase I's, A's, G's, B's, and O's. I was expecting to see a bunch of squiggly lines, and it really surprised me to see all of those letters. I have no idea where she learned to make them. It amazes me how she can pick up on things like that.

Ding Dong

Avon Calling!

I've recently started selling Avon because I know a lot of people that used to buy from my Aunt, and she stopped selling. I sent off my first order yesterday. I sold about $150 worth of stuff. I figure I could use some of the extra money.

If anyone out there needs or wants anything from Avon, I've set up an Avon website of my own. You can help us out and get some neat stuff for yourself.

All done with the shameless self promotion now!

off to school they go

Well, daycare actually. I finally got the assistance, and they start tomorrow. Gracie is so excited. She's running around saying, "I get to go to school with Melissa!" (my best friend's daughter). I don't know how Arien will like it, she's really clingy lately. I'm not worried about Gracie at all because as long as there are other kids there, she'll be fine. I wonder how many times she'll ask me if it's time to go to school yet before tomorrow.

Both the girls have been sick this week. First Gracie, then Arien. They're just about over it though. Gracie is still a little horse, and Arien's nose is still runny, but it's nothing like it was. I'm the one that's sick now. I've got a terrible cough, a sore throat, and my face hurts. My nose isn't stuffy or runny yet, but I guess it will be soon or my face wouldn't be hurting. Gah. This is what I get for telling the lady that was giving flu shots at work that I never get the flu. I've jinxed myself.

Computer Wars

I haven't posted in the past couple of days because I haven't been able to get to my computer. It's in my brother's room, which is the only room in the house were there was a place to put it, and we've been fighting a lot lately. He's just stupid. I came in here the other night to check me email, and he said, "You can't get on the computer. That chair told me that it don't want your fat ass on it anymore." I swear, that boy is so stupid.

I ignored him, and went to the computer anyway, but he had put a password to the screen saver. No problem there, I just restarted it. Then, this guardx program, or whatever it was called, came up and asked for a password. The stupid boy was trying to lock me out of my own computer. He must think I'm pretty dumb, because anyone that knows even the slightest bit about computers could get around that. All I did was restart in safe mode, run msconfig, and uncheck the box for that program in the startup file.

Even though I was able to get on the computer, I can only take so much of him before I'm ready to kill him, so I just went back in the living room. We've had a couple of arguments over really stupid stuff (he started all of them) these past couple of days, but today he promised me that he would grow up and be nice. All because I was going to eat at the Chinese restaraunt, and he wanted to go. It's pretty cheap, and I didn't want to go with just the girls, so I let him and my cousin go. I made them take a bath first, though. I swear, they stink. You practically have to force them to bathe. How can anybody stand to be like that?

Anyway, I feel a little better today. I'm still taking next semester off, but I will go back to school by next fall. I just need to get a little money saved up.

Gracie has her first dentist appointment tomorrow. I dread it. That kid is scared of everything, and I know I'm going to have a time getting her to let him look in her mouth. She's even scared to go potty in Wal-Mart. She wants me to cover her ears for her while she's in there. I guess it's because the toilets flush so loud. She used to be scared of anything black. She'd cry at the sight of a jacket, a pair of pants, or anything else black. I'm so glad she got over that.

Arien is walking pretty good now. She's finally learned to stand up without pulling up, and she's so proud of herself. Every time she starts to walk, she yells to make sure that somebody's looking at her. She's learned a new word, too: "dog". She was calling every dog she saw Spike (Gracie's dog), and I kept telling her that it wasn't spike, that it was a dog, so now she calls everything dog. She has a little board book about a puppet show with a dragon, and when we look at it, she'll point to that dragon and say "dog". If I correct her and try to get her to say dragon, she just says dog louder.

She's been saying no for a while now, too. When she's doing something that she knows she's not supposed to do, she'll say "no, no, no" while she's doing it. She's getting too smart.

I'm a Chicken

I deleted that last entry. I don't think anyone read it, and I'm glad. I really shouldn't whine like that. I know that no matter how bad life seems, it could always be worse. Today was just horrible, and I'll be glad when it's over.

This evening I just couldn't take it anymore and I broke down crying. I really shouldn't have done that in front of the girls, but I just couldn't help it. When my sweet baby Gracie saw me crying, she went and got a tissue, climbed up in my lap, and started hugging me and wiping my tears away. I swear, that was the most touching moment I have ever experienced. I don't deserve her. Even though she's really stubborn, hardly ever listens to anything I say, and throws a lot of fits, I love her (and Arien) more than anything. I just wish I could give them something better.

I'm not going back to school after this semester. I need to work more to get us out of here. Sure, that means 12 hr. shifts at a carpet mill, but I've done it before. I'd still be doing it now, but I quit because I was pregnant with Arien and couldn't do my job because I was so scared of having a miscarriage. My job was hard, but I liked it, and the money was good. I just want to get us out of here and away from all the bullshit.

Will Somebody Answer That Phone?

I've been hearing a phone ring for the past 10 minutes, and I have no idea where it's coming from. At first, I thought it was my cell phone, but I looked and it wasn't. It doesn't sound like our home phone, so I knew it wasn't that, and my brother's cell phone plays the theme to "The Itchy & Scratchy Show" when it rings. It sounds like it's coming from outside, but I don't see anything when I look out. Whatever it is, it's driving me nuts and I wish it would stop!

Oh happy day

So, I walk into work this morning, and there's a new guy in my office. He told me that he was there to help me with the GM claims. My first thought was "Oh no, now that's even less work that I'm going to get to do. They really are phasing me out."

It turns out that I was wrong. You see, the guy I was training is no longer with us. They finally fired him, and now I get some of my old responsibilities back. I know it's a shame that he got fired, but it works out really well for me. I'm such a bad girl! And I'm glad the new guy is here to help with the GM's. I hate to admit it, but I don't really know anything about them, and what I did I had to find out through trial and error.

There is a downside to the guy getting fired, though. He left a huge mess, and it's my job to get everything straightened out. Ugh. Looks like I've got a long day ahead of me!

A Break From All the Whining

Man, I'm pathetic!

And now, back to your regularly scheduled bitching and whining.

Letting it out

I can't stand this place anymore, I swear. My mom is driving me crazy, and sometimes I think I like Daphne more than I do her, and I hate Daphne with a passion. You see, last week when I hadn't eaten in 3 days because we didn't have anything to eat and I didn't have any money or food stamps, my mom went and bought herself and my brother some food from Long John Silvers and ate it in front of me. I was starving to death, and the only things we had to eat was for the kids. So I got all pissed off, and the next morning my stepdad and I got into an argument and I made the comment that if my brother and cousin did more than lay around and eat all day, maybe I'd have some foodstamps left and I could buy something to eat.

Well, he told my mom what I said, and now that I have bought food, she refuses to eat anything I bought. My stepdad wanted Spam and eggs the other night, and I had bought some, but my mom went to the store and bought some more. I cooked supper last night, and she wouldn't eat it. Is it just me, or is that childish bullshit?

I can't move in with my dad yet because I don't have a car of my own, and my stepdad won't sell me the car that I drive now. The car is in his name, but it's more mine than it is his. I pay for all the gas (one reason I never have any money because every time I put gas in it, either he drives it or let's my brother drive it, so I end up having to put gas in it every time I get in it.), I've had brakes and a new set of tires put on it, and I pay for all the oil changes. My stepdad knows I need that car, and I'd just be 2 miles up the road and he could use it if he needed too. I've about had him convinced to let me take it so we could move, but whenever he's just about to give in, my mom throws a fit about it. She says if he gives that car to anyone, it ought to be her. It's not like she doesn't have a car, because she does. She just hates me, and I don't know why.

Sorry for all the whining. I just can't take my mom's bullshit anymore and I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

What's Wrong With People These Days?

Let me start off with a little background information. Wayne's mom had an aneurism in her brain that ruptured last Wednesday. She had surgery and they got the bleeding stopped, and she was getting better. She had a stroke earlier tonight, and now the doctors don't think she's going to make it. My cousin's mother-in-law and Wayne's mom are sisters. Since Wayne and My cousin and her husband (his cousin) don't exactly get along anymore, I am like the family go-between. When something happens in my part of the Turner family (yes, I still consider Wayne my family), I get in touch with my cousin's part and let them know what's going on.

Okay, did you get all of that? We have a really complicated family, and that's the best explanation I could come up with right now.

Wayne called me a little bit ago to tell me about his mom, and he asked me if I could call my cousin and tell them that they need to take the mother-in-law to see his mom tomorrow because they don't think she's going to make it. I called my cousin on her cell phone, and she said, "Well, we're in Dunlap. Do you reckon June can take her?"

They're in Dunlap, big fucking deal. It's not like they're hundreds of miles away. All they're doing is partying with her brother-in-law like they do every weekend. Why can't they just hold off on partying long enough to take the mother-in-law to see her dying sister? Things like that annoy the hell out of me! They really need to get their priorities straight.

I would take her up there if I could, but my car is in need of brakes, and I don't think a trip to Chatt would be very safe. It's not far, but I'd rather not get into heavy traffic and have my brakes go out. Besides, I won't be able to get a babysitter, and I don't think kids are allowed in ICU. I wish I could go see her, but I don't have a way, and I don't really belong there anymore. I think it would be way too uncomfortable for Wayne to have me and Daphne in the same building, and he just doesn't need that right now. He's got enough to worry about. His mom is dying, and his dad is in prison. I wish I could be there to take care of him right now, but that's not my job anymore.

A Milestone and a Question

Arien took her first steps last night! She only walked about 3 steps between two chairs, but she did it without holding on to anything and she didn't fall. She's done it twice so far today, but she still hasn't gotten up the nerve to try walking any farther than that. I'm so proud of her!

Now for the question. Last Friday, Wayne and Dapne stole their neighbor's brand new carseat, took it to WalMart and got the money for it. I know this because the people they stole it from came to my house and told me that they took at warrant out on Daphne and the last time they saw them, the cops were chasing them through Kimball. Today, I noticed that I had a child support check coming for the exact amount that the car seat cost. I know it's the money they stole from these people, and I know that these people don't have much money at all, plus they have a new baby and an older kid. I've been thinking about taking the money back to them as soon as I get the check, but I'm not really sure. I don't like to think about taking the stolen money, but at the same time I need that money for the kids. What little I make isn't enough anymore, and Wayne hardly ever pays his child support. What would you do in this situation? I need some advice.

My Girls

Its been a while since I posted any pictures of the girls, so I figured it was about time. The first one is of Gracie in her Halloween costume (not the one I bought by the way, more on that later.)

Click to enlarge.

This one is of Arien walking and only holding on with one hand. She's almost able to do it by herself!

Click to enlarge.

We're Moving!

As some of y'all know, I live with my mom in a 2 bedroom trailer. Well, there are more people here than just my mom and us. There's my stepdad, my brother, and my cousin. 7 people in all, and it's too crowded for me. I'm also tired of taking crap off of everybody here. So, the girls and I are renting a room at my dad's house.

Yes, I said renting. I don't want him to just let us live there, so I'm going to pay rent and buy all of our own food. It won't be much, because if I could afford to pay a lot of rent I'd go out and get a place of my own.

I don't know when we're moving, but it'll probably be sometime next week. I'm so glad to be getting out of here!