Normally, I don't get so excited about going shopping. Especially when I don't have very much money to spend. I'm not really that excited about it today, either, it's just that shopping today is going to be different. I'm not going by myself, or dragging my kids (who like to hide in racks of clothes, or try to sneak things they want into the buggy), I'm going with a female friend. Yes, I finally have a friend of my very own! My first real friend (someone who calls just to talk, not because they want something, etc.) since Jenny went all psycho on me.

Let the shopping begin!

I didn't realize it had been that long since my last post. Wow, time flies when you're working your ass off, doesn't it? It seems like that's all I've done for the past couple of months. Last week was especially exhausting. I had to work second shift all week because 3 people quit and they didn't have anybody else. I didn't get off work until about 11 each night, then I had to get up early the next morning and get the kids ready for school. I had to go to work before they got out of school, and I didn't get home until after they were asleep. I missed them so much I almost burst into tears at work. I think being away from them was what made it so hard, and I'm so glad I'm back on first shift again!

I've spent a large part of tonight reading blogs, playing games, and just looking for something to do online (I have no life). For some reason, I got the urge to check the child support website to see if by some miracle Wayne has paid any child support recently. I knew better than to go there. I knew he hadn't paid anything. He hasn't dished out one red cent for them in almost 8 months, and for 6 months before that he only paid a quarter of what he was supposed to. So, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm extremely pissed off. Why can't he just get off his dead ass and help me support these kids? He had just as much to do with making them as I did.

We were supposed to be in court last month over child support, but I had it rescheduled. He had a motorcycle accident the week before our court date (He was riding a motorcycle which he knew had no brakes, so don't feel sorry for him), and was still in the hospital the day before. I didn't want to sit in court all day only to have it postponed because he wasn't there, so I explained the situation, and they agreed to postpone it. I didn't realize that they would set the date for December 17th. He'll be over a year behind by then.

He doesn't even want to see the girls anymore, either. The last time he called was the day after his accident. Even then we hadn't heard from him in over 2 months. Gracie misses him terribly. She constantly asks me to take her to see him, but since I have no earthly idea how to get in touch with him, I can't. She knows that he was hurt (thanks to my cousins kids who actually saw his accident), and she's scared for him. The other day she asked me if he was dead. One of these days she's going to start thinking about him and ask me why he doesn't love her anymore. What am I going to tell her then?

As for Arien, well, she doesn't even know she has a daddy. She's 18 months old, and she's only seen him a handfull of times. She went from being the baby that he wanted so badly that he had to have right then, to being nothing to him. When he actually does call, he never asks about Arien. I don't see how he can ignore such a beautiful little girl, but he acts like she doesn't even exist. At least he does pay some attention to Gracie every now and then.

Bah. I've upset myself enough for one night. I'm not even going to bother with all the other stuff I was going to write about him. He's not worth wasting anymore time on when I could be sleeping.

A scene from Gracie's check-up today:

Doc: (to Gracie) Put your hand on your head.
Gracie: *Puts right hand on top of her head*
Doc: Clap your hands.
Gracie: *Looks perplexed, raises left hand in front of face and moves it back and forth as if clapping her hands while keeping right hand on top of head*
Doc: (to me) Didn't know she was a blond, did you?

That was probably one of those "you had to be there" moments, but it was hilarious. I wish I'd had the camera with me so I could have captured the look she had on her face while she was trying to figure out how to clap her hands without taking her hand off her head. That was the highlight of my day!

I never post anything worth reading anymore. I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. Wanna know why? Well, here's why...

A lot of people that I know offline know about this now. And lately, the only things I've wanted to write are things that I don't want everybody to know about. Other than those things, I have absolutely nothing to write about. So, what should I do about it? Do I just stop writing, or do I start another blog somewhere else and hope nobody I know finds out about it? What do you think?