Initially, I did a search on the Internet for stories about the incident, and, as I read account after account, I became more and more incensed. With many of these stories came pictures of Berg clad in an orange jumpsuit, bound and seated in front of five men in black hoods and robes.

As I went to bed, thoughts of what had happened and what Berg must have thought and felt raced through my head. I had trouble getting to sleep. At the office the next morning, I (rather easily and quickly) found at least 40 links to web sites with video of the execution available for download. Though I wasn’t sure if I was even going to watch it, I downloaded it.

After downloading the video, I sent out an e-mail to our staff, writers, and many other people that I know telling them that I had a copy of the video if they wanted (or needed) to watch it. I mentioned that I hadn’t yet decided if I was going to watch it or not, and wanted to hear feedback on the issue. The responses were numerous, heated, passionate, smart, and strongly divided:

-“I want to see it.”
-“If Berg were my own brother, I would encourage others not to see the video. Since he is no less than my own brother, I do the same.”
-“I think that, as an American, it’s important to know what’s going on in the world, and NOT watching the tape doesn’t really bring that smack of reality in. Someone asked me yesterday if it was my kid in the video being beheaded, would I want the world to see, and the answer was ‘yes’.”
-“I hope it doesn’t make me a monster for wanting to see it, but it is history caught on tape to me.”
-“By watching the video, I feel I’d be playing into the hand’s of Berg’s captors, who staged the beheading very purposefully to terrorize Americans. The fact that the video is already making the rounds on the Internet, along with the pictures Abu Ghraib, says that Berg’s captors are succeeding at a form of cyber terrorism. I won’t play that game. What I’ve found interesting are our public figures’ ‘outrage’ at the Iraqis’ behavior. What did we expect after our soldiers humiliated and tortured Iraqi civilians on camera?”
-“I can understand people not wanting to watch it, but I think most people should watch it.”
-“Yes, Mr. Berg’s dignity has been looted by terrorists, but that does not mean we have to trade in fenced goods.”

I thought people’s opinions would sway me one way or the other, but they didn’t. While I appreciated what they had to say, in a weird way, from the beginning, I felt like I couldn’t encourage or discourage people to watch the video unless I had watched it myself. At least that’s how I felt before I watched it.

But I should have known better. After all, I’d seen something like this before.

In 1987, I watched, in horror, footage of Pennsylvania State Treasurer Budd Dwyer’s suicide. Dwyer was facing a long prison sentence for bribery when, after a long and panicked speech at a press conference, he pulled a .357 magnum out of a manila envelope, stuck it in his mouth, and blew his brains out while TV cameras rolled. Several television stations in my area aired the suicide footage during their nightly newscasts when many families – mine included – were sitting down to dinner. This chilling incident has stuck with me ever since, and I thought that I had since made a deal with myself to avoid watching similar footage ever again.

Despite the horrible images of Dwyer’s suicide that are etched upon my mind, I ultimately decided to watch the Berg video. I don’t know why. Maybe it was because I had no choice when I saw Dwyer’s, or maybe it was because Dwyer killed himself and Berg was murdered. Maybe my anger overtook my judgment. Maybe I thought I’d be able to handle it. I really don’t know.

No matter why I chose to see it, what I saw is more horrible than I thought it would be, and after watching it, part of me wished I’d listened to those who advised me not to, as well as myself.

After his executioner finished giving a speech critical of President Bush and the treatment of Iraqi prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison, Berg was kicked to the floor, pinned down, and his head was slowly sawed off with a long knife. Berg screamed several times until his vocal cords were severed. The executioner was not particularly proficient in his beheading techniques, by the way, as it took roughly thirty seconds – from fully conscious beginning to merciless end - to slowly (and sloppily) saw his head off. Ultimately, his head was ripped from his body and proudly displayed in front of the camera, like the killer had just caught a trout or something.

No matter how horrendous my description sounds, it pales in comparison to actually witnessing the horrific images on the tape.

Right now, the American public is being bombarded with images of prisoner abuses at Abu Ghraib. While what those prisoners endured is despicable, they are still alive to tell their story. Nick Berg isn’t.

My head is still spinning, a week later. I will never get the images out of my head, and I’m not sure why I put them there in the first place. All I know at this point is that I don’t know what to do but to tell you what I’ve seen.

So you don’t have to see it.

I guy in our office downloaded it and I saw about 3 seconds. I felt like throwing up.

Not that you need to hear it, but I think this is the best piece you've written to date. I know how difficult is was...

I've felt weird ever since I saw the video. I just got back from Quantico, Virginia. The Marines there watched the video. I dunno what to think about it all, I just can't wrap my mind around the ins and outs. It makes my head hurt and I'm pissed off.

What do you think about this... I'd like to hear your comments on it.
Conspiracy?

I'm intrigued about what I've heard about a "conspiracy," which, of course, just makes the whole thing even worse. As of now, I've just written about what I know about the incident. Regardless, Nick Berg was beheaded by somebody.

Here is something I found that is kinda off-topic, kinda not...

Letters to Iraq.