wrote this a few days ago... felt like posting it...cause, well... i can.
The lyrics won't come
And the words won't flow
It's become another game of yes or no
Who's right, who's wrong, who's up or down
Too much happens in this small town
How will I ever find the words
To say to you what needs to be heard
An escape from the drama and stress of my life
Where are you to save me from strife
Will my heartsick confessions
Be met with more questions
Will you tell me the truth or tell me more lies
Will I be able to see answers in your eyes
Do you still hide the windows to your soul
So afraid that your truths will be answered with no
I've done that for way too long
I want to find my way back to your arms.
"I gave away my heart and it came back, stamped 'Fragile' but broken just the same." I love my crazy depressed friends, they have great quotes... Not in a good mood for blog updating... Everywhere I turn constant, painful, daily reminders of betrayl, rejection and lies... gotta love it...
Artist: Staind
Songs: Fade, Epiphany
those are pretty freakin accurate at this point....
The demons of others have leeched my strength, I have none left to deal with me own.
I feel the pain as it rises again
The depth of admission that I'm not even a friend
I don't know how I ever hoped to be
Anything to you, cause I'm just me
I'm not perfect and I'm not there
No longer do your fingers absently twirl my hair
I believed I could be so much
All the pain melted away with your touch
You held my dreams and you had the key
To my heart, my soul, my everything
You're the one who left, but I'm who's running away
Loving and damning the night and the day
I wish I never met you, never gave away my heart
I wish I could've told you no when you said it had to start
I wish that I could push it aside
Never have given you my life
I never stopped belonging to you
When I said I did it wasn't true
You are my keeper and my star at night
I look at you and you shine so bright
I remember when it was all for me
The heat, the smile and the gleam
You didn't say goodbye, but you still went away
I remember the darkness overwhelming the day
You will always be my brightest star
Now you're just guiding me from afar.
I heard this on TV the other day, and amazingly enough, they actually put it up... Anyway... It might seem cheesey cause it's from a TV show and all, but really, it's one of the most intelligent and profound things I've heard lately... Enjoy.
"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.
I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse.
So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.
When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do.
But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again. "
I haven't had a lot of time for reflection lately, which I find odd, because if I'm such a terrible person/friend/listener/fill in the blank, why do people want to be around my so often? I've had to force time for reflection, squeeze it in where I can, and a lot of it has been done around people... When you reflect around people you have a tendency to realize things about people... How no matter what you say, it never seems to be about them... They make think they are wordly and special but the majority remain staggeringly nieve. Few can keep their lies straight, but they still try... Even if they see a hint of recognition in your face, they continue as though you are oblivious to the world around you. As you grow up you think that the childish games of high school diminish when in fact the only get worse. People play more games, and more often, and usually more cruel. They steal your words and your thoughts, and occasionally, you... I am trying to restore my faith in people, I really am... But it seems everytime I get close, something pushes me back down. I am so sick of being stuck in the middle, when I didn't want to be there. It's not so much being in the middle that bothers me as it is the reactions that people seem to think they deserve to have, even though they put me there. I am always in the middle... No matter who or where. I am so tired of lies, sneaking around and games... I'm tired of life... I've always said that if you don't have the balls to say it to my face you shouldn't say it... and people always agree, and then nothing... If I'm such a terrible damn person why do you want to be around? If I'm not good enough for you, why do you keep coming around? How can you say you're my friend if you lie to me, keep things from me, steal my words and steal my thoughts? This is the one time whenever reads this will think it's directed at them... Of course... The one time I just say what I'm thinking a shit storm will break loose... A shit storm is already going to break loose... And I'm gonna be in the middle... Because that's where I always am... I don't have a choice... I never have choices... I wish I did... I wish I could take all the hurt and deceit away, but I can't... And I don't think I'll ever be able to. Life isn't supposed to be easy, and I know that, but sometimes it's just too damn hard... And it's only going to get harder...