I haven't had a lot of time for reflection lately, which I find odd, because if I'm such a terrible person/friend/listener/fill in the blank, why do people want to be around my so often? I've had to force time for reflection, squeeze it in where I can, and a lot of it has been done around people... When you reflect around people you have a tendency to realize things about people... How no matter what you say, it never seems to be about them... They make think they are wordly and special but the majority remain staggeringly nieve. Few can keep their lies straight, but they still try... Even if they see a hint of recognition in your face, they continue as though you are oblivious to the world around you. As you grow up you think that the childish games of high school diminish when in fact the only get worse. People play more games, and more often, and usually more cruel. They steal your words and your thoughts, and occasionally, you... I am trying to restore my faith in people, I really am... But it seems everytime I get close, something pushes me back down. I am so sick of being stuck in the middle, when I didn't want to be there. It's not so much being in the middle that bothers me as it is the reactions that people seem to think they deserve to have, even though they put me there. I am always in the middle... No matter who or where. I am so tired of lies, sneaking around and games... I'm tired of life... I've always said that if you don't have the balls to say it to my face you shouldn't say it... and people always agree, and then nothing... If I'm such a terrible damn person why do you want to be around? If I'm not good enough for you, why do you keep coming around? How can you say you're my friend if you lie to me, keep things from me, steal my words and steal my thoughts? This is the one time whenever reads this will think it's directed at them... Of course... The one time I just say what I'm thinking a shit storm will break loose... A shit storm is already going to break loose... And I'm gonna be in the middle... Because that's where I always am... I don't have a choice... I never have choices... I wish I did... I wish I could take all the hurt and deceit away, but I can't... And I don't think I'll ever be able to. Life isn't supposed to be easy, and I know that, but sometimes it's just too damn hard... And it's only going to get harder...
Posted by leah at October 4, 2003 02:45 AM | TrackBackcheck your mail
Posted by: Craig at October 4, 2003 06:40 PM What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone you had to say good-bye?
What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?
What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?
What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else and you could never have them? Some people live and some people die. But I want to tell you I love you and you are a true friend... That I will always be here for you when and if you need me...
If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart forever. So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life. I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
Remember, everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have no friends at all, just remember this and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will.
I'll Always Be There. In times of trouble. In times of need. If you are feeling sad. You can count on me. I will give you a wink. Until you smile, give you a hug, And stand by your side. I'll be there for you till the end, I'll always and forever, be your friend!