Wrong is Right in These Modern Times

There's an extremely lengthy discussion going on at MetaFilter about sex and abstinence before marriage. It all started with this article from the Seattle Times about a Christian couple who will have their first kiss at their wedding ceremony. Not surprisingly, the majority secular crowd at MetaFilter has not only mocked the couple for their extreme take on abstinence, but also the idea of waiting until marriage at all. It was unsurprising but still disappointing how lightly sex is taken by the participants of the discussion.

Chastity and fidelity are hardly even considered virtuous to the secular world anymore. I definitely commend the couple for taking seriously the Christian belief that sex is reserved for a husband and wife only. One common objection to this belief is "what if we aren't sexually compatible?" Honestly I think that's bunk, though. If two people love each other and are committed to working together to make a life, with some practice and patience they can have a fulfilling sex life even if it isn't hot the first time -- or the first twenty. Aaron interjected this relevant scripture into the MetaFilter discussion:

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly." --Psalm 84:11

I personally find the "no kissing" boundary the couple in the article set for themselves to be a little extreme, but they aren't saying it's absolute truth, just a personal conviction. Besides, the general logic is solid -- setting boundaries a little farther out than what you definitely don't want to do. If they set their boundary at "heavy petting" how likely is it that they'd be able to refrain from going just a little farther in the heat of the moment and having sex? But if they cross the line and kiss, they may be disappointed in themselves for a time, but they have still kept true to the major commitment of abstinence. I learned this general concept of "moral margin" from Andy Stanley at North Point and I think it's worthwhile.

The article had a passing mention of a social researcher who claims that religious couples often have longer lasting marriages. This was discussed somewhat at MetaFilter, but I don't think anyone hit the nail on the head. The only people who gave any creedance to the claim only went so far as to say that two people who share religious beliefs are alike enough to have a good chance of making it work. This, of course, denies any power in the religion itself. Here's what I believe: if two people who come together in marriage are committed to a faith in Christ, to loving each other as they love themselves, to sacrificing for each other and submitting to one another, to patience, kindness, and faithfulness, then their marriage will work out. It's not easy but it is that simple.

Posted by John Hawbaker at August 12, 2003 10:52 AM | TrackBack