Kill Bill v2

I saw Kill Bill v2 a couple days ago.

I didn't like the first one that much. But after seeing the second one, I have to say that I liked the style of the first one but the content of the second one.

The first one was over the top. Or over my top. I couldn't understand why pedophilia, rape and deviant sexual behavior should find itself painted on a canvas of cool. Pulp Fiction had similar deviances, but these were not made to look super stylized.

V2 had little or none of the weird sexual stuff, just deepening character development of our hero, 'The Bride' and her not-yet-dead assailants. I found it funny in parts, especially the training of the bride with Pai Mei, and touching in parts, as the reunion of sorts in the end, and moving in parts, as the short speech about the comeuppance deserved by Budd.

I'm still chewing and wondering what the over-arching message or theme is. Obviously about revenge, the story twinges on regret, commitment, loss, betrayal and guilt.

I think I liked it, but I'll have to wait and see once it passes through the bowels of intellectual digestion.

Life as it begins. . . eventually

My wife is due to deliver our second child in -4 days. Meaning we are overdue and counting every second like it is an hour.

They say that these times are precious, as you count down the days until your family will forever be changed. It is somewhat awe-inspiring, especially knowing the depth of the love that you feel for your first child.

And that brings up the second thing, how can you love the second as much as the first, how can you love the first as much when you have the second. They say this is all worked out magically and miraculously after the birth, but there are still fears and doubts. We thought about naming the second one after the first one so that there will be no misunderstanding as to where our loyalties lie, but we've been told that this may not be the best idea.

We'll see.

Confessions of a Dangerous Church

I'll admit it, I go to church. I make it out at least once every month, sometimes even twice. I used to be a lot more regular, taking the messianic metamucil so to speak, but now I'm not. I'm ashamed to say it, a lot of the times that I do go, I don't really enjoy it. I can still appreciate the value that the experience can add to my life, but now I fear that there are too many layers in the church and too many layers of my skin to fully penetrate the soul.

It wasn't always like this, but that's another story for another day.

What I will say about my time in the pew today is this. Churches tend to spend far too much of their time trying to communicate a message than actually trying to provide an experience of that message. The pastor says, "This is true", and we say, "That is true". Then we leave and think not a lot more. Why? We had a monotone experience of truth. We heard, period.

A wise sage of the Canadian northeast once said, "People experience far more than they understand, but it is experience rather than understanding that influences behaviour." Churches spend (almost) all of their effort on communication and understanding. They spend very little time on creating an experience. They would do well, if their intended result is to

have lives changed, to open up the valve of divine experience, and tighten up a little on the understanding. I mean we are talking about an absolute, infinite being. That's a little tough to get a grasp of, no?

I want just once to walk out of a church service, like I have often walked out of a movie, and be a little uncertain as to what the whole thing was about. I want to be able to dwell on the experience, on the message, on the opinions. I was less propaganda (not in the negative) and more art.

Maybe I'm asking too much. Maybe not. But maybe.

Lessons from the front lines of Competitive Husbandry

The other night my wife's brother and his wife were over for a rousing game of Settlers of Catan. If you've never played it or never heard of it, I highly recommend it. It's almost as good as Puerto Rico and makes for a nice little night in, unless you're highly competitive and don't like to lose to your spouse. Then it sucks, because you always end up losing to your spouse, and then you need a couple hours to cool down.

And even if you do win, you lose because she doesn't seem to care that she lost and you really want her to feel like you do when you lose so then you talk too much and then her feelings are hurt and then you feel like shit because for the most part, you are a shit and then you wish you would have never played in the first place and so do your guests because they are still over and they feel really uncomfortable that all this is going on but you can't stop yourself because you know that if you don't resolve this right now it will go on for a few days and now it is 3 days later and you're writing a blog because your wife won't speak to you and you wish that Andreas Seyfarth or Klaus Teuber would have kept their game ideas to themselves but then you realize that this also happens when you play risk or rook or card games in general and then you realize just how much of a shit you actually are and realize that you should go apologize to your wife but you probably won't because you are a shit and shit's don't do that sort of thing, they just think about doing those things.

Life as a Metaphor for Truancy

I'm coming into my own now. I've thought through all the pros and cons regarding my current job/jobless situation. My contract 'expires' on Feb 28 and as of yet, there have been no positive responses to job search efforts, despite my astounding good looks.

However, my current employer, the one releasing me from my current post, desires that I stay on as an hourly contractor. I'm curious how this will go. I'm quite sure it will not work out, as I will most like request a monthly minimum to maintain, administer and update the corporate website.

I'm trying to think through this process rationally, not as one who has been released 2 months before his wife gives birth. Although it is really none of the company's business to

make decisions based on my personal life, it is in bad taste to do something like this when you made strong indications that you wouldn't. Regardless, I persist.

Now, what would you do. You are in need of cash, you have been 'released' from your position because you turned down an offer to relocate to a different country, and now that same company is requesting that you remain on as a consultant for them. They need you because you are the only person, at this point, capable of doing the work they need done AND the only person (at this point) capable of ensuring that their most visible asset (the website) and most valuable asset (the database) do not crash. You are beginning to get the feeling that they only want to pay you if they need you. They do not want to pay you to ensure your availability. The difference, according to you, is dollars/hour.

The way you see it, the shorter amount of time that a company wants you, the more it is going to cost per allotment of time. In other words, if they want you as a full time employee, it is going to cost them $x/hour. If they want to pay you as a monthly contractor, it is going to cost them $x(2)/hour. If they want you on an as needed hourly basis, it is going to cost them $x(5)/hour. This is based on a risk/security combination. As a full time paid employee, you are willing to forgo a higher hourly rate in exchange for the security and stability of a full time position. If they want to hire you for a contractual amount of time (1 month, 3 months, etc), the rate will be higher, because the contractor is assuming the risk of being out of work after the short contract. Finally, if they are unwilling to hire you on a contract basis, and would like you to agree to being hired by the hour, the rate is exceedingly higher for the same reasons. They want you at any point during the month, but are not willing to guarantee a minimum amount. Therefore, the hourly rate is proportionally higher based on your willingness to be available and their unwillingness to guarantee work.

Is this fair?

Now for the rub. They are, as I said, at this point completely reliant on my knowledge to keep their systems running. Without me, they could be (I say could because I would like to think that I built a very robust system that will not easily break down - I realize now that this could be to my detriment) in a very difficult situation for the short term. HOWEVER, I too am in somewhat of a quandary. I do not currently have another job to fall back on and without an income, risk standing in the unemployment line cashing in my food stamps.

THE QUESTION.
How high should I price myself? Do I take into consideration how I have been treated and price myself exactly as I feel I am worth and let them decide if they can afford me but take the risk that I will not earn a penny from them past the 28th of February? Alternatively, should I price myself low enough that they will contract me for a short period? This is the difficulty. There is the pride of how they treated me (poorly) but he need for food on the pregnant woman’s table.

Please help me out here. If you can. Or if you can't.