The buzz continues, in the air, the world around here is definately not of this world.. It's a Island in the sky, or on the mountain... And I live here, close to the no where that is here and now... Time is on the out and so I must keep this short... peace... I want to upload..... Brian
yes - the week is over, I saw it lay to rest. work has devoured my ability to stand still and feel okay about it. I like being busy but it's gotten a smidge out of hand. I wonder how to keep the balance between sluggard and slave to work. I wonder what we were designed for. The bible says God said to rest on the seventh day. Yes, well, are my other six days work, or am I not doing as much as I was designed for? I think when I work out doors and physically get tired I feel better about what I have done. Usually it has to do with both being tired and seeing what I have done with the time in question. When I have to use my head and just think about things and that type of thing, I leave it feeling down because it doesn't show, I can't point at a ditch and say, I dug that with my own two hands. Usually people say something like well you know they have tracters that can do that faster and better now... yeah that's great too...
Anyway, my life is not as I once thought it was. I was getting to the point where I had figured out some things and really has decided that I knew them. but that has been called into question. Is the arrogance of thinking we know things bad because we don't actually know them or that as emotional beings we aren't supposed to know some things. I think somethings we need to know, there are some basic truths. Like - there is a purpose in life and a reason I woke up today even if it was after church started. Or I know that I am not (or any other human) in control. Control that I see in my hands is less and less my doing then ever before. Now don't get all huffy (which on a side note isn't a good bike).... I believe we are responsible for ourselves and our part is crutial in life but the arrogance in thinking that any of us have the power to make things other then that which they are to be is ludicrious... bye
As work follows me into darkness all that I am is becoming less and less okay... i need sleep like i never have... i need food like air.... I will leave you but still can't wait till we get to upload again... hint hint...
Life is happening to fast, it's like I am in slow motion... I don't know why it's feeling this way but it does... days wirl by and I am left exhausted - oh wait I work now that's it... work makes the day go faster.. ten four... peace out...
Times change, people tend to follow that too. I think change is less scarey then I used to believe... I am still frightened of change, but in theory it seems helpful but the actual implementation and being in the midst of change makes me a bit crazy... My Uncle Bill says something like 'embrace grace in the chaos' which I probably just butchered slightly but it's the idea that in order to be real and be truly loving towards and in relationship with people, there has to be a willingness to enter into chaos - the not knowing the answers or even what to say or be - just to be on the one who's at the side of those truly hurting. People are quite complex and I believe they are a lot less understandable from a point where you try to put anyone into boxes. I am the way I am in this split second, but the fact that I am a giant factory of chemical/emotion reactions means that this can change with very little outward signs...... Anyway now I have to run..... I just wanted to say hello and to share some abstract stuff about where I am... I have some family stuff going on that has made my thoughts turn towards wondering what this whole 70-100 year stint is about, called life... and 70 years really isn't for everyone, time isn't kind sometimes... peace....
the days are stretching and causing me to stumble... in fatique like when you don't sleep for a few days and then you run a few miles... it's colapse.. anyway... feeling old, wondering what this life is about... I think it's about twinkies. Life began in order to make twinkies seem eternal. yep yep... so yes eat your twinkies... Brian
I am a worker now, I am equiped with a job, and it wears me out physically, which is good. anyway worked two days so far doing grounds work under Don Bailey, at covenant collge... So yeah, I guess that's it, good work, good people, hopefully a bright future is in store for both Covenant and me... yeah... anyway I need to go change my strings on my fender strat, thanks scott for letting me borrow your strat yesterday, see you again tomorrow... peace....