yep it's my birthday, I am now 29, on the edge of thirty... a year left till that one... so yipppeeeeeeeee...
Tomorrow is my birthday, and that day of the year has always been a sore spot for me. I don't know quite how to handle it, I don't like the intense attention, some do, I really don't. I think it's about not wanting the spotlight, if you have a party, people come because it's your birthday, or you are someone who is well known for having great parties... anyway I just don't like march 31'st as much as people think I do. see you
Congrats to Anna and Ben, yep, good stuff.. I went to dinner with the two and there was a discussion of the possibility of the draft being re - instated. And from the very friendship we have I saw the truly contraversial nature of this topic. It cuts into what you think America is worth to you and what you think is right as far as our government goes. me I wonder, would I go. I think everyone thinks that but I don't hear it enough to know. It a big question, could this be wrong, and would me dying for something that isn't needed for peace and harmony and global survival be worth it. I guess it could but it makes me want to know what this whole mess is really about and why are there so many non American people that detest americans. are we being fed lies or are we all just thinking that we are supperior because we have freedom to be how ever we feel like being, mean, bad, good, kind or ruthless? I don't know the whole breakdown, just some thoughts actually.
as we say goodbye to the weekend, Sunday trails into stars and moon, my eyes grow tired. I wonder how long this life can be, it's been the longest thing I have ever experienced in my whole life. That was a joke. Anyway, pain and loss have the driver's seat, watching people fall apart. It's okay if they aren't people I have invested love and time and relationship into, cause then I can become to the whole thing. When it's your cousin, or that kid you talked to yesterday who isn't alive today it's not fair. It's slapping you in the face, no respect at all. Pain is pain. I feel pain. and so I will try and sleep it off a bit...
Life and it's swirls of relevance as it juggles me here and there. I like the idea Bob has about having a kid. I asked him something to the effect of,'life with a child is quite a change huh?, and he responded with ,'it's more like juggling and adding another ball'. man isn't that the truth, thanks bob... life does have this way of making things important to us at different times. We all know people who did went to far, where a little to eager to get into trouble, and then through accident or getting caught their view of that trouble and the importance of staying out of it changes... not always the right way but it changes.
pain + our attitude = growth
sunday has arrived, by hours... actually one hour. saw Jairus tonight, and bought the cd... I like their sound a whole lot. if you have heard of them you know their style, well I like their style. anyway cheers.. drink one for me...
the day is done, left me here, sprawled out in memories, of what I thought today was going to be. Funny how it seems so much more glamerous (sp?) in my mind, and yet so much more alive in each moment. peace
yes yes yes.... i believe cell phones to be the root of all evil. they are the most awful hinderance to our society relying on eachother, we are the pompus americans who will pick up the phone and start talking anywhere. I mean come on, in a fine dinning restuarant, I haven't payed to hear your phone ring eight or nine times. i went to eat not see how much of a social butterfly you have become. As far as a status symbol, who are you fooling, are you fooling yourself even, status is a load of do do.... I am becoming more and more aware of how altering to society this is becoming. I am working this week for bob and todd, and they are good about their phones, but still, they are chained to this radiation device. WHAT ARE WE DOING YOU GUYS... Okay oh yeah and what about the checking out of a grocery store or something like that... that is not the time to be on the phone... and saftey with cell phones, I know people who feel safer about entering their empty house on the cell phone.. well folks, it's not safer... when entering your house alone, the safest is the most alert... and when you have someone on the line you are only 2/3's there... which means you might miss out on the hints and details that would tell you you were in trouble til it was too late.... All this hating cell phones... and to think I am actually debating getting one... me such a hypocrite.... peace....
if you would like to do me a big favor... do and don't do these things.
1. Do turn off your phone,
a. at the movies
b. while dining out
c. when talking to anyone who might be offfened by you suddenly being transported into an unreachable place, in order to answer your phone.
2. Start to think of your phone as a tool, not as friend you always have to talk too.
3. Don't fool yourself into thinking that owning and operating a cell phone makes you any different, or better then me, cause I am still human... you are too, lets keep it that way
4. Do remember how radiation affects your body, radiation means to cook, so as you call your friend who you just can't live without, think about the fact that you might be shorting your beautiful life.
5. I think also just learn to be respectful of the moods around you, when a phone rings, it changes everything, I don't like that sometimes... anyway
just some silly thoughts.... go ahead and get that call..
i'll just talk to you later.....
sometimes my world seems fair and void of conflick. I wonder how long it will last and it usually doesn't. I feel the stack of cards quivering in the wind, here and now. I don't know who's going to cause it to fall but things aren't sturdy.... I don't think they are bad, I just know that my heart isn't right... does that sound funnny.... anyway someday I would like to be right as rain... Brian
do you ever have a day where all your inputs (senses) seem to be hyper sensitive, I am having one. I mean when you can feel the heart beating here and there and it takes effort to think... so my thoughts wander in and out.... thinking about who I am in light of what my past looks like.. It's odd.. very odd... and this cycle of life... it's just way odd.... b.
What is life about? Money? Love? this shell of a physical body? I don't know, it just seems a smidge short of having real meaning. It's got to amount to more, there has to be something more. there is, but it doesn't mesh well with me being in charge so I dismiss it and act like it's not part of the picture. Anyway... b.