a very uncomfortable place

Pictures!

Got from Chatta Mom

Saw this at Chatta Mom and thought it was a perfect little setup. ^_^

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

***

DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Funny stuff

John Cleese’s “Letter to America”

Originally uploaded by Browserd.
Dear Citizens of America,
In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix “ize” will be replaced by the suffix “ise.”
3. You will learn that the suffix ‘burgh’ is pronounced ‘burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ‘Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.
4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up “vocabulary”). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
5. There is no such thing as “US English.” We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of “-ize.”
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The Queen”,
but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will
be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”
8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.
9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.
12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling “gasoline”) - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called “crisps.” Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.
14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as “beer,” and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as “Lager.” American brands will be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater.
17. You will cease playing American “football.” There is only one kind of proper football; you call it “soccer”. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
bunch of Jessies - English slang for “Big Girls Blouse”).
18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.
19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

I saw this on What the heck am I doing? and laughed a bit. Thought you lot would do the same (plus I think my hubby would enjoy it too). Yes I know it's 8 years old. Old copy pasta. Don't care. It's funny.

First things first

Yesterday I got to have my first veterinary experience with a reptile. I know a thing or two medically about turtles but never actually come across a turtle in my years as a tech. Yesterday we had an iguana as a patient. A very nice iguana at that. Poor fellow had an abscess we had to lance and drain. He was very patient with Dr. B and I as we lanced his abscess and dug as much nastiness out as we could. I had an iguana a while back...seeing that guy yesterday almost makes me want one again...

I've been thinking

I would like a sewing machine. I want to learn how to sew and make things. I would make my own clothes! And even blankets! Knitting is fun, don't get me wrong, but there are just some things you can't knit...

So I think I'll talk to Matt and find out if he's okay with it...If I find a cheap used one to play with at first, maybe I can work up to a good one later!

Savannah tonight

There was an explosion less than a mile down the street from where I live. It shook the house and formed a little mushroom cloud. It was the sugar plant down the street...
CNN
MSNBC

There is more but it's all the same story...can't get anything new. Can't get more than 3 houses down before they stop you.

Update 02/08/08: Latest CNN

Downtown Fun

Last weekend we went downtown (Forsyth Park, City Market, and River Street mostly) with my brother-in-law and his future wife. My husband and my roommate and I is we by the way. I really enjoy the look of the spanish moss. We don't have any in our trees but there is quite a bit in the trees through out our neighborhood.



This is the fountian in Forsyth Park.

It had these strange mermen around it. They have two tail fins. Much like legs.

Close-up of the bird in the middle. Pretty neat.

Pic of me and the roommate. Er...roommate/co-worker. Add friend to that too.

Well, the whole reason we went down there was to take pictures of the happy couple where they got engaged. I was scoping out places to take pictures, but wasn't having any luck...

Ah, well...Not really much else to say. We went to River Street-I had a Taste of Chicago hotdog...mmmm...don't quite care what's in those...I was totally enjoying the poppyseed bun as well! Got a taste of those famous Wet Willie's slushes. Yum!
My parents came down this weekend and I enjoyed their company. Poor Bubbah is getting old fast. I dread the enevitable day when I get that phone call...
Got to watch the episode where the Doctor and Martha meet Shakespear. That's a good one. And the not-so-heterosexual episode of Torchwood that followed...
It's very quiet right now. The dogs and cat are sleeping. My hubby is watching the game and my roommate isn't here. I have a lot on my mind (per usual) and I think I will knit a while. Then a shower and bed are in order. It's been a busy weekend.