This is the second night in a row that I have been up until 4 am working on stuff--after waking up at 6 am.
havent been able to blog a lot because i've been so busy.
2 hours of sleep and i can really tell I am lacking.
Not totally delusional or nething. But I can tell a difference. While working in the lab i was typing and preping a cd at the same time, went back to the wordpad going to save the file when it had already been saved. It was some fancy title too--I surprised myself.
And no, this is only smei-self inflicted. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish everything at the level I want to achieve. Too many projects.
My nerves are all tight.
Despite the projects and lack of sleep, managed to get out to Frazier and Pisa Pizza to congratulate & celebrate with friends on our wonderful professor who earned best teacher of the year at UTC! I could not think of a better person to recieve it. :)
Did manage to get in some exercise today. very happy about that b/c all the school work really cuts into it. That is one thing that really really bothers me when it happens. Eating? nahh can be taken care of any time. (and i dont really notice im hungry while working)
But staying immobile for hours at a time in front of the computer really builds up on me. I *make* time for it. I'd love access to a 24 hour gym. That would be way less stressful. But like eating, exercising has become a necessity.. I have to have it.. and I want to do it!
Visited CyL too%#!)#%* OMGOMGOMGOMG THE CAFE IS SOOOO SECKZI.
Let me repeat that. SECKZI.
I had quite the reaction after seeing it today... I couldn't help bouncing around deedee and cheering her up with my enthusiasm.
I mean, this place looks seriously sharp.
That espresso machine has more knobs than I've ever seen.. and is the only one in Chattanooga like it.
We're also the only cafe that will have literally "fresh" whipped cream.
Some contraption they bought makes whipped cream out of heavy cream milk, instantaneously.
Very cool.
I think the reason its doubly incredible for me to see is 1) They did a superb job building it 2) I get to work there and 3) I saw this idea from its conception on a napkin during a lunch meeting!! So it's really surreal actually being/seeing/working in it! ;D
After the 20th or so, I'm werkin baybah!#%
Morning shift.. oiii
can't decide how I'm gonna do this either... do the third shift schedule for weekends and first on weekdays?
I dunno, i'll figure it out.
sorry about being so random.
its time to end this blog and get 2 more hours of sleep.
Uptime: 36 and counting.
weekend for sarah = projects. sleep.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Spoon Spatula.
*bows*
Brought to you in part by the Chef's Edge and Big Lots!
No, I won't admit I bought it just because it's named...
I "adopted" it so it could have a home to call it's own.
Take Action Now!
No Kitchen Utensil Left Behind!!
Lost?.. Check out March 1st entry.
Just playing? devil's advocate.
Time to pinpoint what and where "ahead" is.
Is the time space/continuum warped or is that you holding the photograph upside down?
Sometimes it really sucks being single.
At times i think that its some problem that I have that is the cause of it.
Its really negative to think that way..so i really try to avoid it.
I don't truly believe that is the case.
I just called an old coworker up not too long ago.
He had previously just stopped all communication because he felt too old to talk to me.
A part of me understands that, and another just ends up getting frustrated.
Sometimes I revel in being in this young body
but at others it is a suffocating trap.
Ideally, I would prefer to use it without being hindered by rigid, unspoken social rules.
I believe that some form of reincarnation has to exist. How else can you explain some of the weird happenings in this world?
I just recently experienced a strange but powerful sense of empathy. I feel like I have such a deep connection to this person..but due to situations out of our control, I can never and most likely will never be able to express my true thoughts and feelings.
Take it with a grain of salt..:
This didn't stop a wave of sensation from coming over me when I saw this person venting some frustration yesterday afternoon (it was at the start of the rearranging that set me off.) I felt as if I had been dipped into some altered perspective of myself and the room, and the emotions that came over me I knew were not my own!
I know I can say this because what felt came over me was totally unrelated to my then-current state of moderate calm. I was not doing anything near frustrating or anything that would remotely cause that type of feeling. But hitting me like a wave, I could do nothing but turn and look at its source. It seemed to almost be in waves. I didn't ask for this. I wasn't expecting it either. In fact, my thoughts were not tuned into this person more than they usually are. (I can't help but get slightly distracted when this person is in my presence. So admittedly, I was distracted but not to the point to where I couldn't concentrate on the task at hand.)
After I realized it wasn't going away.. I was so shocked that I had to get up and leave the room.
Physical distance did lessen this unexpected intimacy. I feel truly at a loss as how else to explain it. A great part of me ached to comfort this person, but as said before, all physical contact is out of the question.
I simply can't go there, it would be too intense for me to control. There is a point i reach with any man where I know there would be no going back. I'm definately unwilling to go anywhere close to that in anything other than my unspoken thoughts.
Though I guess this kind of breaks that boundary...depending on whether or not the blue pill.. was taken..
It has been a long time since I've come close to feeling that, and I will admit that I have experienced it before (i.e., I know what "empathy" or whatever you wish to call it, feels like.)..and I can't recall perception so vivid. I say this knowing that memory fades.
Its really frustrating, but so beyond my control that I feel I must simply accept it and try to continue on my own. I might be crazy, but the feelings I have for this person go deeper than any physical longing--though that is part of it, and I would be fool to not admit it. I believe this is why I can so easily accept where the boundary of our lives must meet. A part of me wants to cry when I say this.. but I have no desire to change these things, as it affects many more lives than our own. (That is,assuming things would ever progress that far.)
I am not blind, nor am I stupid.
I am, however, ignorant.
I've never been engaged with this sort of situation, and realize the potential disasters that would arise if any action were taken. So it remains in words. The oh-so human desire to express the things in writing that can only be said through physicality, and even then, that too falls short.
The sad part is that I could keep writing.
I have endless lines of poetry in my head
that as of yet will not be written.
~Chuang Tzu