Marcus was right in About a Boy you gotta have backup. Which was what I was searching for at college—my backup. All my friendships from back home fizzled out after my freshman year at college because of my becoming a Christian. My jokes were not as funny to my catholic friends without the F-bomb dropped between every other word, and it felt pathetic to sit at Applebee’s and make fun of guys from high school that we hadn’t seen in two years. Once high school was over it was like someone hit the delete button on our frame of reference. So if i didn't make friends in college it seemed i was destined to roam the planet alone much like Captain Planet. It was imperative for me to establish strong friendships at Covenant so that I would have my backup after school was over.
For most of my life friendships were hard to come by. The friends that I did have over the first 18 years of my life were either video game dorks like myself, overweight, or just to lazy and apathetic to try to be cool. And sometimes my friends encompassed all of the above. I really never had more than four friends at any given time as far back as I can remember and they were all some what similar in personality and life goals.
But since leaving Covenant I look at my friends and I see an array of personalities and people. Some are responsible, some are bums, some love video games, other view them as the downfall of civilization, some are into exploring the cultural arts, others feel cultural arts was a class they got a “C” in at Covenant, some are bookworms, others find books confusing, some are mothers and fathers, while others fear the sight of people under five foot, some think Owen Wilson’s best film was Royal Tenebaums, and others think it was I Spy.
I don’t know what the crap I’m writing about….. where’s that delete button…...
Dang can't find it... ugh i guess i'll make a point.
My point being make friends...there better than... computers.
Now unlike some people I was and am pretty clueless as to what to do with my life. When I was kid every week I wanted to be something different when I grew up: cop, doctor, lawyer, plumber, jet pilot, artist, chef, and I always came back to… super hero. Super hero was the only thing I pretty much always wanted to be but alas my fat butt and fear of loud noises kept me out of the Justice League.
I don’t really have a goal of where I’d like to be in ten years. I know a few things I’d like to have—kids, house, and a job. But notice I don’t know what type of job—to me that is something inconsequential. I live some what day to day and hope not to screw up too much. Much like this blog I just keep typing and hope something intelligent, witty, or interesting finds its way in between the lines of text.
People that are determined and goal driven in their lives scare me. Frankly I’d rather just explore life. My few goals are: no matter what provide for my family, be a good husband, a good dad (when the time comes), and serve God where ever he sees fit to put me.
This is the way I think of my life sometimes…imagine if you will a big room with tons of doors and you have a big ring of keys with hundreds of keys on it and every time you try to open a door you have to try every key until you find the one that opens the door. Then when you pass through that door you’re confronted with yet another room of doors. Every door you go through leads to inevitably another room of doors. It almost sounds depressing but not knowing what awaits on the other side of the next door pushes me onward. I opened one door and boom bam there was my wife—now I have a partner to help me with my journey. Now we turn each key together in the hopes that every door will bring us closer to heaven, closer to Christ, and closer to each other. Of course my analogy breaks down and has its faults but I think it’s a glimpse of how I look at life. Always pushing on to see what’s through the next door, always pushing on to that final door, with fear and anticipation—I turn the keys and hope the door opens.
My weekend came and went much like everyone elses although i tried to make up for lost time by seeing three movies in the course of three days. Its not that i wanted to see these three movies Chicago i went dragged by my wife and T3 was more for laughs than anything. Actually I felt very guilty for the recent down economy and figured i'd finally do my part and waste some money on movies and beer. Seriouslly Greenspan gave me a buzz the other day and was like, "Look choltie, man you got get out on the scene again cause i can't turn this economy around on my own." I just couldn't say no to my main man G-Span.
Part of my weekend movie spree was to celebrate my recent job aquisition. After a three months of applying for more than 10 jobs at Cigna Health Care they finally caved in and hired me. I'll be an account manager which entails managing accounts...basically i don't know what it entails, but it pays well so whatever they want me to do i'll do it. I have two more weeks to enjoy my freedom before i become Dilbert...
Well after months of making fun of blogging I too have fell to the peer pressure of the BLOG. Oh how my pride went forth before my fall... or something. I realize I probably should have blogged months ago considering I didn't have a job and was merely wasting my time with video games and watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. I tried to get into the whole soap opera thing but I mean those people are just really dumb, I mean how did Justin not know that his brother was really his sister Tiffany who had a sex change and was attempting to break up his relationship to his Swedish secretary from Norway. I mean it was so obvious. Regardless, I diverge too far from sanity...
Who is this guy???? You ask yourself while pondering why the heck you're reading a blog of a man who spends his days thinking how cool it would be to actually be a ninja turtle.
Quick recap of my life for those blessed not to witness it: I spent my childhood with my friends Gi Joe and Optimus Prime. I spent Junior high with my friends Scrooge McDuck, Bart Simpson, and Jerry Seinfeld. I spent my high school with the same three friends in Jr high and added three carbon based friends and we formed a gang of mercenaries that sought to ridicule, criticize, and mock life at warp speed. I went to college learned that life was too precious to mock constantly, too rich to view through a TV, and no matter how bad I wanted it I would never be a super hero. It was a time of awakening. I studied the past, day dreamed of the future, and breezed by the present. And like that college was over.
Although I did leave college with perhaps the best souvenir one can find at college--a wife. It was a good thing I found her too, because I couldn't have found a job without her. The thought of telling her day in and day out that I failed to find a job was by far the most gut wrenching experience. Numerous times she came home from her job to ask me how my day was spent. And to see the disapproval on her face when the answer was video games, TV, and eating our left overs made me feel lower than the most common denominator.
Aahh but God is faithful even to those who waste the precious life that he blesses us with. A job was provided--and a good one to boot. So now I may work, provide for my family, put food on the table, and play video games without fear of a disapproving wife resenting a lazy husband that plays more than he works.
"Big deal!" you scoff, "who gives a flying freakin rip," you yell. "What makes you any different from any other Joe shmoe who writes too much on their blog about their pathetically boring, mundane, repetitively redundant life?" Well for starters much like Eminem I tell it like it is. But also I really don't know why people like reading blogs or writing for that matter. I think I understand the writing part--it almost makes a person feel like he/she's their own celebrity and that someone out there might actually be interested in something they say--when the truth is that most people contribute very little to the course of enlightening conversation... sorry be gone you cynical pessimist you! Lousy cynical voices get in my head and make me say bad things...
But honestly why would someone write a blog--they want to document their day? OK sure but why do it online. I seriously think its peoples desire for attention.
I know I often used to imagine that my life was the Truman Show--long before the movie came out I would stare out the window at night at my house and think people may be watching me... so what did I do? I danced to Tom Petty's Zombie Zoo--I figured if people were watching me I might as well make it entertaining. Even when no one was around I imagined people giving me attention--I was a weird kid... still am for that matter.
So Joe Q. Blogger thinks to himself maybe if I keep blogging enough people will give me attention then I may get a little cult following and if I keep writing witty, funny, or interesting tid bits about who knows what then I may become my own little celebrity. A blog is the common Joe’s attempt at 15 seconds of fame. "Maybe some celebrity may stumble upon my blog and read it" or "Maybe a newspaper editor will be reading my blog and think 'this kid ain't too bad he should have his own weekly column he could be the next dave barry'"
These are the deep dark thoughts of the blogger in my opinion, and if you disagree... you're in denial--sorry to break it to you. Oh and if anyone knows a newspaper editor give him my name....