The Holtonian

To Blog where no blog has blogged before...

Well after months of making fun of blogging I too have fell to the peer pressure of the BLOG. Oh how my pride went forth before my fall... or something. I realize I probably should have blogged months ago considering I didn't have a job and was merely wasting my time with video games and watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. I tried to get into the whole soap opera thing but I mean those people are just really dumb, I mean how did Justin not know that his brother was really his sister Tiffany who had a sex change and was attempting to break up his relationship to his Swedish secretary from Norway. I mean it was so obvious. Regardless, I diverge too far from sanity...

Who is this guy???? You ask yourself while pondering why the heck you're reading a blog of a man who spends his days thinking how cool it would be to actually be a ninja turtle.
Quick recap of my life for those blessed not to witness it: I spent my childhood with my friends Gi Joe and Optimus Prime. I spent Junior high with my friends Scrooge McDuck, Bart Simpson, and Jerry Seinfeld. I spent my high school with the same three friends in Jr high and added three carbon based friends and we formed a gang of mercenaries that sought to ridicule, criticize, and mock life at warp speed. I went to college learned that life was too precious to mock constantly, too rich to view through a TV, and no matter how bad I wanted it I would never be a super hero. It was a time of awakening. I studied the past, day dreamed of the future, and breezed by the present. And like that college was over.
Although I did leave college with perhaps the best souvenir one can find at college--a wife. It was a good thing I found her too, because I couldn't have found a job without her. The thought of telling her day in and day out that I failed to find a job was by far the most gut wrenching experience. Numerous times she came home from her job to ask me how my day was spent. And to see the disapproval on her face when the answer was video games, TV, and eating our left overs made me feel lower than the most common denominator.
Aahh but God is faithful even to those who waste the precious life that he blesses us with. A job was provided--and a good one to boot. So now I may work, provide for my family, put food on the table, and play video games without fear of a disapproving wife resenting a lazy husband that plays more than he works.
"Big deal!" you scoff, "who gives a flying freakin rip," you yell. "What makes you any different from any other Joe shmoe who writes too much on their blog about their pathetically boring, mundane, repetitively redundant life?" Well for starters much like Eminem I tell it like it is. But also I really don't know why people like reading blogs or writing for that matter. I think I understand the writing part--it almost makes a person feel like he/she's their own celebrity and that someone out there might actually be interested in something they say--when the truth is that most people contribute very little to the course of enlightening conversation... sorry be gone you cynical pessimist you! Lousy cynical voices get in my head and make me say bad things...
But honestly why would someone write a blog--they want to document their day? OK sure but why do it online. I seriously think its peoples desire for attention.
I know I often used to imagine that my life was the Truman Show--long before the movie came out I would stare out the window at night at my house and think people may be watching me... so what did I do? I danced to Tom Petty's Zombie Zoo--I figured if people were watching me I might as well make it entertaining. Even when no one was around I imagined people giving me attention--I was a weird kid... still am for that matter.
So Joe Q. Blogger thinks to himself maybe if I keep blogging enough people will give me attention then I may get a little cult following and if I keep writing witty, funny, or interesting tid bits about who knows what then I may become my own little celebrity. A blog is the common Joe’s attempt at 15 seconds of fame. "Maybe some celebrity may stumble upon my blog and read it" or "Maybe a newspaper editor will be reading my blog and think 'this kid ain't too bad he should have his own weekly column he could be the next dave barry'"
These are the deep dark thoughts of the blogger in my opinion, and if you disagree... you're in denial--sorry to break it to you. Oh and if anyone knows a newspaper editor give him my name....