from the Chattanooga Outlook
It's hard to find a car on the road that doesn't have at least one bumper sticker on it. I have several on mine. One time, a girl even left a love letter on my car simply because she thought I might be "cool" and "fun" based on my bumper stickers.
Bumper stickers are the ultimate form of personal propaganda. They let your fellow drivers know what you like, or don't like, where you've been, what you believe in and what organizations you belong to. And with all the bumper stickers that exist, I can't help but think that there are a few still missing…and a few that need to be slightly altered.
"IT'S A SHAME THAT A COW HAD TO DIE
TO MAKE YOUR BIRKENSTOCKS"
Aren't they also made from leather? Come to think of it, aren't many backpacks and hiking boots made from leather, too? Some vegetarians need to question their logic.
I guess it's fine to kill a cow as long as you don't eat it.
"SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE BLACK"
The classic "white person back-pedal" to clear yourself of any racial guilt. A saying usually spoken at a party after you notice that a black person has been listening to the horrible jokes you've been telling. This sticker guarantees your safety if you happen to get lost in one of "those" neighborhoods.
"GOT GAS?"
A kind of "helping sticker" for other drivers. Milk won't keep their car from stalling.
"SUPPORT INORGANIC FARMING"
If scientists can pull this off, I'm buying a farm.
"I’M ENJOYING MUSIC IN MY CAR"
This nifty sticker will eliminate the need for a really loud car stereo.
Plus, I won't go deaf when you drive by my house blasting Eminem at three in the morning.
"AN OPEN MIND IS AN EASY THING TO MANIPULATE"
At least a closed mind only believes in a few things.
An open mind believes in everything!
"THERE'S NO ' I ' IN 'TEAM,' BUT THERE IS AN ' I ' IN 'WIN' "
Sometimes you just have to do things yourself.
"IT WILL BE A GREAT DAY WHEN PUBLIC SCHOOL KIDS HAVE ALL THE BOMBERS THEY NEED"
That way, they can bomb Washington, and start over with this whole government thing. Most people working in our federal government are overgrown kids, anyway, so why not let actual kids run things. It probably wouldn't be much different.
"MY OTHER CAR IS A 1979 CHEVY NOVA, TOO"
Now this is what I like. Honesty.
"IF YOU THINK PUBLIC EDUCATION STINKS, TRY INCONTINENCE"
I have no explanation for this one.
It's catchy, and it's gross, and that's good enough for me.
"I BRAKE FOR MORONS"
On foot, on a bike, or in a car, who else do you have to slam on your brakes for?
"HONK IF YOU LOVE YANNI"
It'll be easier for me to find you…and strangle you.
"SLOW DOWN! I'M LATE FOR WORK, TOO!"
This is for the guy who's just a little too close behind you. I mean, we all gotta get there. We're both already late, so let's take our time. The second we both get to work we're gonna wish we were still in our cars, anyway.
"...NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT"
As long as you put this at the end of the sentence, you can safely say whatever you want about anyone's lifestyle choice. Goes nice with a diplomat license plate.
This is so funny! You should have these made into real stickers.
Posted by: ron at July 26, 2003 06:42 PMYanni wasn't always bad. Try his album "Keys to Imagination", which was one of his early solo albums showcasing some very solid synthesizer work. (If it seems reminiscient of Tangerine Dream, it is because his producer was former Tangerine Dream member, Peter Baumann.)
(Sorry about the sarcastic email address. My name and email address should be no one's business but my own.)
Posted by: Art at June 20, 2004 05:06 AM