It seems our intelligence agencies have dropped the ball. The recently reported capture of Saddam Hussein henchman Abid Hamid Mahmud al-Tikriti was a mistake. Our government actually captured former big leaguer Davey Lopes.
"(Lopes') combination of speed and power made him a double threat to national security," said one highly desperate and embarrassed official. "The man stole five bases in one game. If that's not a reckless disregard for our country's laws, I don't know what is."
Lopes is scheduled to be arraigned in the strange world inside my head sometime this week.