A Glass of Ghana

I am watching an amazing show on C-Span 2 about Ghana, a country on the coast of africa, next to the ivory coast.
I saw some amazing, amazing shots of the coast.
Imagine a beach, with a *forest* of palm trees several feet off the shore.
Very tall, with a slight mist inbetween the trunks.

The main source of income for the Ghananians is fishing
there is a technique they use with a net to caputre fish.. with several men pulling with their strength to haul in a great net full of their catch.
There is an old man that holds the rope inbetween the pulls, as it is braced around one of the large palms on the edge of the "forest"

They have been fishing this way for so long, that the rope has left furrows in the bark from being wrapped and pulled around the tree.

cracking open a coconut..

I've never had the milk from a coconut.. but this guy can chop it fresh and make it into a perfect cup with that machete thing.

I fear i'd cut my finger off trying to do something like that.

A Towel's Nest

I think its a requirement for those loud tv commercials advertising a new product to have a 19.95 price tag.

aaggghhhhhh
omg.
As my room mate would say.. "I'm nesting."
I want to be such a homemaker.
I bought new towels today. They match my comforter and pillows..
I was walking through the home section at kohls and being upset that I couldnt buy a new rug for my "house"...or pick out a nice new set of dishes for the kitchen.
On top of that......Im watching "Runaway Bride" now
and am getting all blurry eyed watching julia roberts and richard gere fall in love

**emotional**

Like a bird, the movie even left me singing...

My Momma saiiid, "You can't hurry love, noooo you'll just have to wait. Trust in the good times, no matter how long it takes!"

Green Rain

Ok so i get up this morning
eat bfast and was gonna wait till it digested before i went blading.
looked at the sky, couldnt tell what it was gonna do... so went to weather.com

Now if that ain't a whole hunk of motivation, I don't know what is!!!!!!!!!!!

meatball!

Adult swim is really great
i seriously cant believe some of the stuff they come up with to put in these cartoons.
After seeing space ghost, sealab 2021, aqua teen hunger force and etc..
i seriously felt like i lost some brain cells

Gonna go shopping and blading tomorrow. :)
Wasnt feeling good again this evening. Just spent the night vegging in front of the tv.

heh
even notice how ur brain goes numb if you watch it too long?
The anime rocks thou.
no doubt.

Spike: men's network
WE: womens network
social prejudices of what men and women should enjoy watching
what we should aspire to

how did a store called "Profitts" make it so big with a name like that?
their intentions are plastered right on the front of the store

same with something called cache

heh

Hmm
ok.
just heard this on a religious channel. a very loaded statement. fully of all kinds of interpretation.. but also potentially full of wisdom

God places impossible situations between our desires and the objects of our desires because of how he wishes to work within us.

Definately going to have to make this a work in progress.

First of all I just wish preachers would change the way they deliver sermons.
I think it has really become a habit to use so many examples as filler. Its almost as though they enjoy hearing themselves talk..but I really don't believe many priests to have that intention. ...considering their choice of occupation.
I honestly believe they wish to help people understand...but instead of helping, i think perhaps having so many examples just leads to general confusion for many listeners, unless the priest is an accomplished speaker and extremely clear in his/her message... and while i dont know what the requisites are to become a minister, i really dont think you had to make straight a's in public speaking class.
That one statement was made within a smattering of all kinds of quotes and storytelling.. and he did not revisit the idea!
I was verily lost, i must say. and felt quite unsatisfied by it in general.

There are too many jumbled thoughts right now..
but expect this post to change.

apologies for the run on sentence. this is entirely train of thought.

Special News!

:D

Merry Christmas to all!
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Congratulations to Jennifer and James on their engagement!!!
-and-
Congratulations to Mike and Amy on their happy news of a new family member!!!!

I had a good holiday, but was sick the past few days.
Rather sucky, that. Passed out again... This is something that is very foreign to me, seeing as how this is only the fourth time in my life that I have done this. The past *two* were in the past three weeks.
Very bad. I should probably get some bloodwork done. I've never passed out that much in my entire life.

Just got home from work though, so I really shouldn't be writing all that much tonight. NEed to get some sleep so I can have a speedy recovery!

...Its hard to imagine that today is Friday.
I couldn't even consider going out right now :(

I can't believe my sister is leaving tomorrow for a swimming camp. That sucks. :( I won't get to see her over New Years.

I don't know what I'm going to do over New Years
No doubt I'll find some mischeif to get into:)
maybe at the Laundromat:D
I gotta go give them their xmas gift before work tomorrow.

Got a great cd, called "Punk goes Acoustic." Cheesy title, but very, very good.
Want to put up an exerpt on here. Keep a look out for it :)

*No mean guys allowed within my bubble, anymore, (period).*

p.s.
Its ok, I hated that last entry, too :\

Synaptical Lines

darn good day today
Went up to see family..
not after having a talk with a friend of mine about values. hm.
I think we did the right thing.

Really quite curious when someone I haven't talked to in ages calls me up out of the blue and says Hi, whats up! So-and-so is in town for the holidays..hey can you hook us up with some pot?
Literally, that was the first thing he said to me.
I'm like wtf?!$@#
First of all I haven't talked to this dude in forever. If he had talked to me recently at all, he would have realized I stopped smoking a long time ago.

I really should stop drinking coffee so late at night...

NO Gratuitous picture from here on out! Thank you, please drive thru.
This is kind of broken.. but that's my disclaimer.

I think its really interesting how people you are around affect the way you look at things.
Its especially influential if you respect a person for their morals and honesty.
My certain person sometimes confuses me with their choices. Its like...
It's like they have a lot of good intentions, good morals and are always honest.. but have trouble when it comes to solidifying a decision...or even making a purposeful choice...I'm not sure if that is exactly what I'm meaning to say..but it is specific depending on certain situations.. and though it isnt all the time, I still find it reoccurring enough to notice it.
It doesn't affect the respect and love I feel for this person.. but it does make me see our differences and lead me to come to my own conclusions.
Still though, I am in awe how being around good leads to goodness..
and vice versa.

We discussed that all learning in life comes from experience. As I have said before, I believe that the essences of experiences come about in the changes they makes upon you.
If you learn nothing from the changes that come about..you'll be forced to repeat the experience until you learn..
It works on a larger scale as well. (as does most everything involving a person learning about himself, and others learning to tolerate each other).
Tangent!

For example:
A four year old realizes he is big enough to throw mommy's glass vase on the floor. Of course, mommy sees this, gets angry and of course the kid's gonna get punished.
Take this and roughly compare it to Iraq becoming a larger, more industrialized nation..and experimenting with chemical weapons.
Mommy and Daddy UN are not taking the new threat well... and therefore (regardless that there is a 10000 times more political bs to insert here,) Iraq as a country got reprimanded.. and was reassured of their place in the world pecking order.

This scenario works on many scales...
You have to cross the lines before you've realized they've been crossed.
Especially if something as such has never been experienced. Up until the crossing, they were simply imaginary boundaries that were accompanied by a threat (or reward). Once they've been crossed... those lines become very, very real.
Don't touch the stove, honey. It's hot...

So anyway, we also discussed progression..which brings about the realization To help others outwardly, you will first have to help yourself inwardly.
I realized there is *no way* I can ever make someone else truly happy until I am truly happy with myself.
And that, my friends, is a scary thought.
Hasn't stopped me from trying, though. Nothing but good can come of it: refer to blog "Magenta Shock"

I personally am at the inward stage. I dont profess to being able to help others except when speaking from my own experiences--which in comparison to the broad picture are very small--having not even lived 1/4 of of my life. Sometimes that is enough, but I've always found it best to talk with many people, if possible.. and dwelling upon a subject alone before making a decision. Especially if it is about something important!

In all ways this blog is a selfish creation of mine to help my journey inwards. But I don't believe it to be selfish in a bad way. I use that term only in the sense that it is more of a self-help/reasoning tool..
as well as a catalogue of important or not so important events of my life.
People have been keeping journals for ages, but the amazing part about blogging is that it is available for all to read and gain knowledge or laughter from.
Human compassion is an amazing thing.

The effects of language never ceases to cause wonderment in me..for often times I look at things and really appreciate the fact that our advancements in communication brought such marvelous things about!
Call me a geek or easily amused.. but now after reading this.. you cant help but consider all of the language and programming it took to get these words displayed on your screen. I once took a course called Linguistic Anthropology, and the professor described language as a direct link from one person's brain to another.
How do my synapses feel? ;))

ok ok, just in case you actually read all that..:

anyone else think that looks like the ending of a Rainbow Brite cartoon??
Until next time!

4 AM escape

No deep puddles here. Just getting some of it out.

I haven't gotten a chance to relax this holiday. I've been high strung pretty much the entire time....except for the last week during exams...which was the most relaxed I've been all december. Hot Topic is extremely high-energy..especially when I'm out on the floor selling. I've got so many priorities and so many responsibilities as a sales associate.. it's not even funny. I can't go into it or whatever, but most of the time I feel like a chicken with her head cut off! Help this! fix that! straighten those! fold these! hey can you get me this? I need a dressing room! -- on top of not being able to leave my area.
anyway, enough about that. I'll be glad when the 30th is over with. That's my last day..the end of the seasonal hiring time.

I haven't really felt much in the spirit of Christmas so far this year. It makes me sad. :( I know its because of work, too that I don't realize how quickly the month is going :( I kept wondering why my parents were asking repeatedly when I'd be up next. Its hard to imagine Christmas being on Thursday.
My entire life right now revolves around when I have to be at work the next day. I hate it.

I finally got in some rollerblading time the past 3 days. Since I was at home today I didn't get to make it down to the Riverwalk. I checked the weather though, and it looks like it will be clear most of the time this week. :)

Cool pic time!

Visited chattanooga.gov and got a response. Sent in a request for someone to fix the flag over veteran's bridge. Its a nice thing to have for our city.

I hate it when I hate the smell of someone. It drives me bonkers just sitting beside them. sometimes makes me want to gag.
I also hate it when someone is so arrogant or self centered...that they just end up making an ass out of themselves. I guess we are all guilty of it at times...but I was surprised totally by this person acting that way. Wasn't expecting such a side of them at all! They had always been so courteous and helpful, that to see him make a jackass out of himself is disconcerting.
He did something today though that was totally out of character for him. It made me want to think and look a little deeper...but then my lack of interest in the subject kind of deadened that direction.
A girl can only take so much.... of anything.

Saw Mona Lisa Smile. Was a really great movie.

I was really tired today, almost didnt want to make it to the Christmas party at Cyl. I felt like I was on drugs or something when I was driving down from Cleveland to Chatty. Ugh. After I had a coffee from StoneCup I woke up and felt better.
I hate being addicted to coffee.
I hate being addicted to anything for that matter. I've been around the block with that, and let me tell you, it's not worth it, and I don't miss it.
Not one bit.

blahdeblahblah.
I hate it when I meet up with people and don't freakin remember their names.
I went to a LAN up in cleve last night and !#%^!#^#% I got to see a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a long time!!!! It rocked :D Actually, I got to see basically all my oldschool highschool friends from back in the day.
They were the ones that originally came to the LAN's that I threw after it got past the mIRC channel peeps.
I'd love to have a new years party at the Laundromat.
Thinking about asking my friends that if I clean up their house if we could party there.
Not that I don't think they'd let us party there without cleaning up...but that it's just so filthy I can't much stand to be around it that long.
90% of it is trash that needs to be thrown away.
I actually had a crazy thought of moving in with those poor bastards and cleaning up after them. The commute from Cleve to chattanooga everyday would be too much hell to pay though. That's why I'm not living at home right now.

I was driving down King? street I think. it was tonight at 4 am. These are my hidden treasures of the night ;)))))
I love how the bottom of it doesn't touch the ground. It's what first caught my eye!
The lighting was an additional plus :))
I need a miniature tripod for my camera. So many of the photos I took were blurry.
These were basically handheld.
meh!

I'm finding myself really getting into cars lately.
I picked up a calendar called "dream cars" at hobby lobby today :) A Saleen is *damn* sexy.
Desolate got a model car for christmas from a friend..and I was simply amazed by all the detail it went into it if you were building it.
It would be a really great way to learn more about cars...and god if I had the time I would love to do that myself!!
I took an auto essentials class when I was in high school. I was the only girl in that class, too. I can change a tire, jump start a battery, change my oil, change the thermostat, change the serpentine belt...
uhh some other things too. I kept my notebook so I still have all my notes.

I remember the year I took it we were being tested to get the class ASE certified.
ASE kicks ass. They're furreal, dawg.

Speaking of changing a tire, I have a funny story about that.
I blew a tire after I hit a curb not too far from my house in Cleve. After having that class, I don't feel quite so helpless..and even though my Dad came out to help me, I was literally jumping up and down on the tire iron wearing strappy heeled shoes trying to get the damn lugnut that some moron had tightened too much.
My dad's funny when it comes to things like that. He gets really huffy and piss0rd at the thing hes gotta work on.
Hes a great dad though.
Today I got to see the new light and new doorbell he installed outside on the back porch. :)
The doorbell testing stressed me out, though.
It's quite a stressful noise if you think about it....
so much anticipation!!!!

This is the second night I've stayed up till 5 am.
I *hate* getting my nights and days mixxed up.
I should have gone to bed much earlier :\

I want an XBOX for christmas. Equipped with soul calibur II.
I won't get it, because I didn't ask for it....but that is for the best, I'm sure.
I wouldn't ever get sleep or do my homework if I had one of those.

damn.
;)

the broken flag

For the past three days, a wind has blown in from the West, pushing the flags eastward and kissing the surface of the river with white.

There is a flag on Veteran's Bridge, waiting for someone to restore its valor.

Sincerity

So I think I've finally realized why I thought so highly of you.. and why I wanted your attention and affections so badly.
You expect nothing less than perfection. Your goals are unattainable.

I have no need and will have no more of it. I have no need to justify myself in your eyes or against your standards.
What good are those to me, someone who will forever be imperfect? Your standards are useless in the judgment of someone such as me..someone so beautiful in her changing imperfection.

Christmas Goblin X-nay

I have quite a temper.
I don't think its ever been to the point where I've seen red, but I have quite a temper. I curse excessively. If I could, I'd bite your head off. ....I have a thing about biting.
and marking.
and spoons. (in no other situation except for my morning bowl of cereal) See blog silverware spoon theif. ;)

I wish I wasn't such a "Forget" and forgive person. sometimes its better to remember the things that people have done against you or to hurt you. On at least 3 different occasions my mother has had to remind me why I came home crying and upset about something that had happened to me.

^-- in the long run, and in the ideal world. But I guess that is where hope plays its part.

I really believe that people can change.
I guess its this endless faith that I have in myself and in others that lets me take a person one day at a time, and try to see the good in their heart.
I know that sounds cheesy, but it's undeniably true. I can't help it.
I might stay mad at someone for a long time, but eventually the anger or resentment ceases and that wonderment comes back into my soul.
Every person is a beautiful, unique being that I believe affects everyone they know and meet in their lives. Whether or not they know it, it is strangely all interconnected.. and we make each other who we are on top of the self discoveries that we make ourselves in becoming so diversified.

Please God, help the anger pass quickly and without resentment. I know there is no avoiding it sometimes, and that it is a natural reaction if a situation is painful or upsetting. I know I do not want to be one who holds grudges, but please Bless me so that I may remember the deeds of those who have tresspassed against me.
In the Lord's name,
Amen.

I love chattanooga

well its official
i love chattanooga. I love the city, despite all the construction..and I love the people, despite all the morons that live here.
Its just a beautiful place to live. Lookout mountain is my favourite. :) If I have to leave for graduate studies, which will happen.. hopefully I will find myself returning to this beautiful city.
Besides, its always a good thing to have a "master plan". (like our city does, btw, in case u didnt know;)

*sigh* so onto getting all the rest of this out.

The past few days I've been questioning myself. I was asking a repeating question: Am I regressing?

I feel like I am, or was..but then this thought came about:
If I am trying to learn from every experience, and try my hardest not to take any small action for granted, am I regressing if I can not understand the meanings of things that are happening to and around me?
I have concluded no, how could I be if I am keeping my eyes and ears open for some sort of resolution. I know I won't understand things if I am not meant to, or if the meanings have been purposely hidden by circumstance or otherwise, and I do not believe a man can feed himself if he sits by the river with his mouth open, waiting for a fish to jump in.

so where do I go, and what do I do during this time of uncertainty of purpose?
I am fearful of stagnating, but instead of resigning to my fate to be caught into a puddle, I am searching the perimeter for a possible outlet.
At the same time, while the man who sits beside the river expecting to be fed is ignoring his surrounding environment and situation..indeed the truth of his surroundings, I can not ignore the fact that I am at this place for a reason.
If I am to remain solitary for the moment, caught in my proverbial puddle.. There I must stay until the rains come again.

I guess the true question of character comes in what one does with the time provided. Will you sleep or remain awake? Can you accept it or will you constantly fight against it? Will you resign yourself or plan what is to come?

This is hard for me to put into words. And I am in a constant state of realization...the deeper I search the deeper the pool becomes.

Again, I am alone, placed in this bubble of self-serving solitude..trying to make out what comes next. It's funny though. I can't quite voice this problem directly with friends. The more I long for this, the more I realize it is a puzzle that I need to solve.
Trying to get my bearings.
Perhaps the outlet is down..?

printed photographs

What else should I be?
All Apologies..
What else could I say?
Everyone is gay.
What else could I write?
I dont have the right.
What else should I be?
All Apologies.

In the sun,
In the sun I feel as one.
In the sun,
In the sun...
Married.
Buried.

goblins!$%

yay! Finished my xmas shopping :)
Working at hot topic quite a bit..
going to bed to get some sleep.
had lead attached to my eyelids this morning 8X
I got a new tobog today that looks like a little goblin off of Labyrinth. totally cute! ?i'm lovin the pirate thing

*sigh* the one thing i hate about working during the break is that I don't get one.

*worn out and curls up in the floor to sleep*

my schedule is hell next semester. MW 8am - 8 pm T TH 8am - 540pm. no fridays..!

Goose Necked

I'm not sure why this and the last involve some sort of water fowl, but here it is:

Some friends of the family had a lake house on the Tennessee River. When I was young, I remember going there and seeing the flock of geese they had wobbling round their yard. I also remember bouncing on a pogo stick for the first time that day...but thats beside this point :)
For some reason I decided to go catch one.
Off I ran, and to my complete amazement, I actually managed to grab a goose around its neck. That split second I will never forget, because I was so astonished that I had actually accomplished what I kinda thought to be a task taken in vain.

This morning I woke up to a phone call from my family. They shared with me the news that has been the top story, no doubt, throughout the world today. Saddam Hussein has been captured; found in a spider hole near his hometown in Iraq. Unbelieveable to see him in the state he was in. It was all very surreal.

Due to my surprise, I released the goose as quickly as I had grabbed it.
Unfortunately for Saddam, this will not be the case.

A Minute Six

Been very busy l8tly. Haven't gotten to update daily.

Tuesday afternoon I went rollerblading as usual down at the Riverpark, taking advantage of the beautiful day. I started off where I normally do, down near the boat ramp..and immediately noticed the barge pushing steadily up-river.
It got into my head that I was going to catch up to the barge, which had a good, solid head start on me.. and was moving steadily and quickly towards the lock at the dam. I had the distance of about a mile and a quarter to catch up. At this, I started to push.

It was only about 4/6 of the way up that I tagged the back end of the tug boat. Up ahead I saw the railroad bridge looming in the distance. Judging the speed of the barge and its massive length..(the tugboat was pushing 3 very long barges ahead of it) I set another goal for myself.
I was going to beat the tip of that barge before it crossed to the other side of the railroad bridge.
At one point I felt my lungs were about to come out my mouth, but I kept pushing.
I'll be damned if I didn't make it there a whole minute and six seconds before the tip of that barge passed the other side of the bridge.
God that felt good.

These are the three ducks, that I've named Polly Wolly and Doodle, that live down at RiverPark. They always make such a racket if anyone is in their territoire!

Saw The Last Samurai.
Damn good movie. It really leaves an impression on you. Even a few days later you'll find yourself reflecting on different parts of it.
Its definately worth seeing..and not something you'll soon forget.

Started at Hot Topic Wednesday. Was a lot more fun than I expected. Northgate is not near as crazy as Hamilton Place, and it makes the job much less stressful.
At one point I was up straightening the racks near the store front and all of a sudden I hear this huge *WHAM* against the glass. I FREAKED and yelled out OH SHIT!!!!!!! :x turning to see some guy had thrown himself at the window to scare the shit outta me..
Loreena was across the store and yelled out "WHAT happENED?" she came over and after I explained she laughed and was like, next time be like "AHHH! DEAD BiRD!!!"

Magenta Shock

It's funny how hindsight can be such a pain in the ass, yet such a needed eye-opener.
Tonight I was thinking of how things went in a relationship..actually, my longest relationship. The start of the problems goes back to one night... one night that I know the both of us will never forget. Especially since it is pinpointed to a specific event. To keep it short, it was a singular instant that changed the course of our relationship forever. It was that point that things started going downhill.

My loss of confidence in myself and him, in our relationship in general was the evil seed that slowly eroded our "perfect" togetherness.

As a side note.. I believe that things are meant to happen as they are meant to happen..and that all things do happen for a reason.

That being said, the relationship was not perfect, but it was my loss of self confidence that caused doubt and started to reveal underlying problems that before I had so easily ignored.

Knowing now that it was confidence that I was missing is what my hindsight revealed.
It was incredibly difficult to realize that all I needed was an instant of polar opposition.. in otherwords: For someone to smack me and say, "Sarah, you are a beautiful, confident, and well worth his effort. Get out there, do your thing, and be yourself. The rest will follow."

If that would have happened, I would not be where I am right now, with magenta or *ahem* fuschia hair sitting at my desk typing this blog. I would not have realized the so many things went unnoticed. I would not have seen or experienced this love/hate, crush/disgust phenomenon called "dating." Nor would I have made the discoveries about myself that have brought about my willingness to change things in my life.
I would not know what I wanted out of life, I would not know myself, and I would not know what it takes to make me truely happy. I don't believe that I know everything that would make me truly happy for the rest of my life,.. but I definately have started on what I believe is a lifelong journey.
And it is a life long journey.. But in my mind.. a search for your own happiness, and happiness in general, ideally, has the best possible ending.
Could you imagine living life in search of something other than that?

The thing about happiness is that you have to experience it before you can distinguish what makes you happy versus what makes you upset, sad....or the million other emotions the human heart can provide.

Being happy is truely one of the hardest things in life to accomplish. Its even more difficult knowing that you need to be really, honestly happy with yourself before you can not only a) make others truely happy and b) progress and live life to the fullest you possibly can. My first step came in realizing that I needed to be willing to change the things I was/am unhappy with in my life.

It is the most difficult journey. It starts within yourself.