Okay... here's the thing. I wrote this little scene out, and however I tried it, I couldn't get rid of a few curse words. It just totally lost effect, and I guess that's a point of weakness in my writing (that I can't find some other appropriate word to express a moment). Hopefully, I'll get better at that. Anyway, to avoid upsetting my mom, and the members of my church, and my sweet old grandma, and the kindergarten class who reads this, and the adorable litter of puppies that my neighbor just had, I am putting it in the extended version, so you'll have to click the link down at the bottom to read it.
Sorry for my potty mouth, everybody.
"You did this to me on purpose, didn't you? I was just an experiment to you. I was so blind!" She shook her head in disbelief. "But I see it now. You just wanted to make somebody love you using pretty words- to prove some idiotic theory in a pretentious literary class, and I was the sucker who fell for it. Well, you succeeded. Here I am, loving you, for crying out loud- and all along, I was just some writer's wet dream!"
"It's not like that, Cecile."
"Go to hell. I don't believe anything you say anymore."
She picked up the empty wine glass and hurled it into the wall, sending shards glittering into the air. "You used me," her voice shook with rage, "You didn't love me at all, you only loved yourself, and the power you have with words. It's sick."
She held up the papers as her proof, and she stared at him waiting for his explanation.
"Cil..."
"You know what, don't even try. Because no matter what you say, I'll never believe it's not part of your fucking dissertation."
"I wanted to tell you, sweetheart, I really did. It started out that way, but you have to believe-"
"Save it. I'm not interested in your lies, as talented and academic as they may be." She threw the now crumpled papers at his chest, and stared into the face she had loved and trusted over the past year.
The slamming door echoed in his ears. As he reached down to gather the fallen papers, a thought suddenly occurred to him, and he ran to the window. "Wait!" he yelled down into the street, "You have to read the end!"
She looked up at him, and shook her head sadly. "What difference does it make," she said, "when the beginning was all a lie?" She turned away, and disappeared into the crowd, leaving him for once in his life, speechless.
excellent .. i finally figured out how you write you write a like a photographer and take just once scene and turn up the "status" and make it into something with detailed feeling. Your writing is wonderful Bravo Bravo ..
Posted by: matt_31 at April 29, 2004 02:54 AMgood scene. you're able to put a lot into a little, and keep us wishing for more.
You're also able to touch a tender nerve: the undefinable boundary in the mind of academic between the topic of his/her work and the rest of his/her life.
Posted by: Jeannette at April 29, 2004 10:09 AMAwesome writing... except, of course, for the potty mouth... but you knew that....
I fully expect to see you published one day... and I'll be so proud... I already am...
Stretch your mind, sweet niece...
Continue to use the gifts God has given you... for your way with words... and your imagination...
are distinctive and wonderful gifts He’s bestowed on you... He’ll help you find a way to express
yourself without tarnishing the gold...
Critical comments?
I’d leave the “destination directions” out altogether. Next to using the Lord’s name, that’s the
single most awful thing I can think of to say to anyone. It’s more than cuss words... it’s a curse.
can only remember ever saying it once, and I still hurt over it. We talked about it later... and
altho it was something he sometimes said ... I learned that the impact it had on him, coming
from me, a Christian who knew what hell was, was devastating.
And the other word.. just leave it out... you don’t need it.
Your writing is wonderful, Shannon.
The emotions... the girl’s hurt... are so real and vivid... the sense of his helplessness at how he
let things get out of control... you don’t need the potty parts... they take away from it, instead of
adding to it.
p.s. do you still love me? am I still in the family?
Posted by: Aunt Vickie at April 29, 2004 10:53 AMAunt V, I expected nothing less of you- of course what you said is all fine! I wouldn't have posted it if I wasn't willing to take the heat for it. Like I said, I hope to get to a point where I don't need that crutch to express that depth of emotion.
I'm a work in progress.
Posted by: Shannon at April 29, 2004 02:22 PMor maybe these "crutches" are themselves part of the good gift of language that God has given us, to be used either for his glory or abused. maybe it's not an either/or. see the apostle Paul, who used, for his culture, our culture's equivalent of "dick" and "shit," and they were divinely inspired. denotation and connotation are complex issues and can't, it seems, be relegated to an either/or issue. either flush them down the toilet or don't use them at all doesn't do justice to the beautiful and glorious complexity of syntax and communication.
Posted by: jeremy at April 29, 2004 02:45 PMokay, jeremy... you make my head spin.... please, shannon, edit the critical comments part of my earlier entry... and flush them down the toilet...
i am sooooooooooooooooooooo sad....
lol... actually have been ever since i hit post and couldn't call it back...
sigh...
It's kinda like "shut up" being a nothing thing to one person... and a hurtful thing to somebody else... i suppose you can't please everybody...
that said...
you, shannon, are one of the most pleasing and non-offensive people i know... (well... except for that Christmas party prank...lol...)
so keep on keeping on...
Posted by: Aunt Vickie at April 29, 2004 03:05 PMI understand the premise of Jeremy's comments. However, I believe caution is in order. Like it or not, as Christians, we are watched and scrutinized. We are told to be the salt and the light of the Earth and to be in the world but not of the world. To me, that means that we are supposed to be distinct, set apart. The Bible says that we are a peculiar people. In the Bible, Jesus reminds us that we are to bear fruit in our lives. Paul also discusses this idea of bearing fruit, and he gives a list of the fruit of the Spirit. If the fruit we bear resembles that of the world, are we truly peculiar? Are we living up to the standard of holiness that Christ sets for us? In fact, that may just be the issue--holiness. Do we truly strive for holiness in our daily lives?
Posted by: Joey Wolfe at April 29, 2004 03:09 PMI must confess I've been known to toss books containing otherwise good stories into the trashcan if they contain much profanity or sleaziness... I used to black it out with a magic marker... but grew past that... and just started tossing them into the trashcan... ones that are really bad, I even tear up or burn so the garbage man won't be tempted to read them. (is burning books against the law?)
I find that as I grow older... or perhaps it's not as I grow older, but as I grow to know Him better... I'm less tolerant of letting things into my heart that might come out of my mouth later...
Such a shame, too, you know? I've seen some movies, read some books... that had wonderful stories... but I wouldn't recommend them to anyone because of the "extras..."
And sometimes I'm even strong enough to change the channel or toss the book before I finish it...
Posted by: Aunt Vickie at April 29, 2004 04:36 PMjoey,
thanks for your thoughts, and i appreciate what you're saying, but one of the premises of your comment is that this kind of language is "of the world," when, i would argue, it's "of God" and the world has perverted it. is not everything evil just a perversion of good? and while i'm all for caution in the face of an onlooking world, i'm just as much for redeeming what the world thinks is theirs and using in a way that they see that it is God's, and that they've got it on loan, and they're polluting it.
Posted by: jeremy at April 29, 2004 06:51 PMIf Jeremy can show me linguistically that there is a Christian root and basis for "four-letter words," I could, perhaps, buy the argument that such words have been appropriated by the world and that we, as Christians, should restore them to our vocabularies and use them for the original purposes for which they were intended.
Posted by: Joey Wolfe at April 29, 2004 10:00 PMjoey,
it's a reasonable and right request, of course, and if i had the capability of transcribing my Greek New Testament into this posting spot and then doing some exegesis for you, I would.. But I can't, and I understand your hesitation and admit that my position here, like many other times, is ever-potentially errant. in other words, i'm neither willing to go to the stake on this issue, as opposed to something like salvation by grace alone, nor willing to hold onto this at the cost of divisiveness within the body. i've been considering writing a piece on this issue, and if i do, i'll post it on my blog and post a link to it here.
Posted by: jeremy at April 30, 2004 02:08 AM