I've noticed a lot of fellow bloggers (esp on ChattaBlogs and CovBlogs) estolling the virtues of the Sabbath and the joy it brings, the community growing closer together through fellowship... and on. This is not a refutation of any of those things merely a different take on the subject.
First observance of the Sabbath is of utmost importance period (The observance of which I'm not good at keeping, I'm sad to say.). There is something about the fellowship of worshiping together, taking the sacraments together and hearing the Word preached as a body of believers that transcends mere "religion/religious practice". That something being the ministry of God in the souls of the body of believers. It is good and right to Praise the Lord no doubt.
Sunday can also be the loneliest day of the week. As good and holy as it is, it can serve to point out that we are not meant for this world in a huge way. My personal experience is one that often involves a feeling of disconnectedness on Sunday mornings. I usually feel out of place, as if I don't belong or fit in every day of the week but so much more so on Sundays. This is not necessarily bad, more so the knowledge that my home is in heaven with The Father, Christ and The Spirit and not in this world.
My mom and I were talking the other day and she asked my why I've been feeling so down/lonely lately. I told her that I don't feel like I belong or fit anywhere. She said "if it's any consolation, you're not alone. I've felt that way for over 60 years."
This is getting long so keep reading...
Part of this is my feeling that we as the Church/Body of Christ don't take care of each other as much as we need to. Another part is the idea that Sunday's are for fellowship also with family and friends.
It's hard to break into a church body and be part of the family and even when we do we have, and operate under the western/American ideas of individuality. On Sundays we tend to spend time with our immediately much more than our extended church family. That's not to say that it doesn't happen but I don't think it happens nearly as much as it needs to. Nor do I think we need to sacrifice all of the time we spend as small units. We spend an hour together on Sundays as a body, possibly a weeknight for Bible Study and then isolate ourselves again. Sure we hang out with friends but how much of that time is really used spiritually? Do we have true Christian fellowship every day of the week or do we just have fellowship and we also happen to be Christians? We deffinately need more time together in groups, large and small, truly living in Christian fellowship.
Johnny Cash sang a Kris Kristofferson song that sums up the loneliness and isolation one can feel on Sundays. This is one of the most perfect songs ever.
Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down
By: Kris Kristofferson
Recorded by J.R. Cash on: 7/10/70
Number one - Country Charts; Number 46 - Pop Charts
Number 43 - Top 100 Country Hits of All-Time
Well I woke up Sunday morning
With no way to hold my head, that didn't hurt
And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled in my closet through my clothes
And found my cleanest dirty shirt.
Then I washed my face and combed my hair
And stumbled down the stairs to meet the day.
I'd smoked my mind the night before
With cigarettes and the songs I'd been pickin'
But I lit my first and watched a small kid
Playin' with a can that he was kicking
Then I walked across the street
And caught the Sunday smell of someone's fryin' chicken
And it took me back to somethin'
That I'd lost somewhere, somehow along the way.
Chorus:
On a Sunday morning sidewalk
I'm wishing Lord that I was stoned
'Cause there's something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothin' short of dyin'
That's half as lonesome as the sound
Of a sleepin' city sidewalk
And Sunday mornin' comin' down.
In the park I saw a daddy
With a laughin' little girl who he was swingin'
And I stopped beside a Sunday school
And listened to the songs they were singin'
Then I headed down the street
And somewhere far away a lonely bell was ringin'
And it echoed thru the canyon
Like the disappearing dreams of yesterday.
Repeat Chorus
I bought an expander from Hot Topic in the mall yesterday.
This morning my mom sees it and preceeds to tell me (in a most sarcastic degrading tone), "You're going to look like a Ubangi!" (possibly "damn Ubangi but I don't want to misquote). Dad also grumbled something crappy but I can't recall it right now.
(The following is what I said to mom and dad but it's not a personal attack but a general statement to all who would call me family/friend. I ran into a bit of this at Covenant also. I say the following as much for myself because many of you who know me know that I call it as I see it and more often than not it comes out pretty harsh.)
And so what if I do?! If I disgust/embarass you then don't hang ou twith me; don't speak to me; don't list me as one of your own.
As borthers and sisters in Christ we're called to love one another and edify/build up one another (Ephesians 4:29). The Scriptures say that we're not to show preferential treatment (James 2:1-13); we're not to judge others not just on appearance or status but at all (Matthew 7:1-2, Luke 6:36-38, Romans 14:9-11, basically just read the NT); we are also called to just plain love one another (once again just read the Bible).
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Christians (myself included) can be the worse people I know because we should know better but we don't.
I mentioned somewhere (this blog?... another?) about going off of my meds quicker than I should be. If you're on any kind of med that you have to ramp down slowly off of; Heed That Warning!
I'm starting to feel physically ill and mentally spaced/wierd. The problem is that I can't afford $200/mo. for the meds. I have a 3 month scrip ($600) sitting on the desk here but I can't bring myself to ask anyone for a loan for meds that I'm building a tolerance to and I'd probably only use 1/6 of the bottle to ramp down properly.
So know your meds and don't be a bonehead like me.
At least it's not half as bad as the buddy I watched go through the dt's getting off booze. Thank God for small favors.
After almost 2 months of my primary vehicle being a motorcycle, I've dicided that 2/3 - 3/4 of all automobile drivers should be summarily shot!
Realize that this means that the chance of you being included in this number is high.
To avoid the afore-mentioned penalty, please learn to drive considerately.
Stay further than 1 car length behind a motorcycle!
Think about it this way. The combined weight of my motorcycle and myself is at the most 1/4 of the weight of your car.
This means that I can stop at least 4 times faster than you. Or in 1/4 the distance if you like to think of it that way. Anti-lock brakes don't make you stop any faster they just keep you from skidding. Back the Fuck Off!
Pay attention!
I must admit that I was just as guilty of this before I started riding. It takes absolutely no brain power to drive a car. You don't realize it but you don't have to think when behind the wheel. Because of this almost no one pays any attention to anything going on around them. Add to this the fact that motorcycles are harder to see... dangerous. My motorcycle is not the size of a Chevy Suburban; You won't see it as easily. Please be more attentive and see and know what's going on around you.I can't tell you how many times people have pulled out right in front of me because they just didn't see me. When you look for traffic at any intersections give it an extra half second and keep the roads a little safer.
Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.
Amen Sam
I've taken to smoking a pipe lately. Since I ran out of money I stopped buying cigarettes and went to smoking the pipe regularly. I already had the pipe and a good bit of tobacco (the house blend from The Classic Cigar Parlor (poor site (john?:-) )) in Doylestown). My current pipe is a GBD that looks very similay to this except with a black stem.
I'm really looking forward to buying a Peterson though. I've smoked a few of Hecht's Petersons and they're awesome. A really smooth burning, dry smoke. Mostly because of the Peterson System.
I must say that pipe smoking is much more enjoyable than the cigs. Not really healthier but oh well.
Not quite a mid life crisis, but similar I guess. I'm really going through a lot of crazy things in life right now.
Major Debt; Jobless; Emotional wierdness;
On the job front I've sent out zillions of resume's and during the only interview I've gotten I was told that I was over qualified. Frustrating to say the least. I'm really wondering what to do about the job thing. I'm good at programming and web development, I love it and no one in the field wants to hire me. My own business (with John) is in ultra slow mode. I guess I'm really struggling to find out where God would have me and what he'd have me do. I believe that we all have callings and I just wish I knew more of what I'm called to do. I really want to move back to Chattanooga soon so maybe this is part of the plan. I'm going to apply at the local supermarkets tomorrow and I wouldn't feel near as bad leaving a job like that as I would leaving a programming job. I guess that's what I really need right now is a job and not a career.
On the emotional front I realized tonight that I haven't experienced real soul shaking joy in a long time. I've been anywhere from medium happy down to rock bottom shitty but not really happy/joyful. I've been on depression/anxiety meds now for over a year and I feel like I'm building a tolerance to them so I'm going to try going off for a while. If I were to try some different drug I'd have to go off the current one anyway so why not. I'm afraid that along with cutting out the real lows the drugs have cut out the high end also.
Christin posted a great treatise on... well... posting after a fashion.
After the few discussions (#1, #2, #3) on Josiah's blog concerning Doug Wilson and his quote about blogging (The quote, for those interrested is contained in the afore mentioned discussion #1), Christin explores the actual statement made by Wilson outside of the mire of Wilson bashing/defending, Wilson's writing bashing/defending...and gives her interpretation/views on said quote. I have to agree with Christin's appraisal of the quote
that (paraphrase):
a)Wilson's not really far off?
a1)There is some level of narcisisim(sp?) involved in blogging
a1a)varies from blogger to blogger.
b)blogs do affect real life in some way/shape/form
ok I could paraphrase for days read it yourself.
What struck me the most was her talk of complaining blogs and Christians. I'm all too afraid that I could fall into (have fallen into) the trap of using my blog to piss and moan under the guise of venting.
I can see where belief in the sovereignty of God and complaining don't really go hand in hand. I don't have a good knowledge of the scriptures yet but I do know that they say that all things work together for the good of those who believe. That doesn't mean that life will be easy or happy but that I am where God has placed me for a reason and that I am to accept that and not complain. I'm thinking that complaining will get in the way of what the Lord is trying to teach me. How can one learn anything when concentrating on something other than what's being taught. Complaining will poison my heart against Him. Time must be spent searching for the Lord's will instead of fighting against it.
A) For some who read my blog I guess this is some basic theology but sometimes you need to go back to basics when you forget or at least live like you've forgotten.
I'll think and pray and read more and bet back to you's (northerners (speciffically Philly folk)) y'all (southerners)
OK. So for those who don't know. I got myself into a bit of credit card debt; About $8300 worth and I just got a bill for over $530.
I'm unemployed and it seems that no one wants to hire me. The job market in Philly sucks. I have the experience that everyone wants but I don't have the degree. I guess that 4 years of clouding your brain with malted hops and bong resin is that much more important than actual business/real world experience.
I've been checking into debt relief services but so far they will only help me if I have multiple debts that I can consolidate and I only have the one card with a high limit. The only other option (if I can't find a job quick ) is bankruptcy which is a lengthy involved process with lawyers and court and I don't want that on my record but if things don't shape up...
a haiku
come talk to me. please
come find me within myself.
i'm fucked in the head.
I know that I am very susceptible to (as are many others (I would think)) a sort of faux intimacy that happens through email/chat/blog and any other form of electronic communication. It seems that in our "technology age" we communicate a good bit through electronic means which cut out body language, inflection and other signals of what we mean by what we're saying. It also seems that we can feel a sense of knowing a person; a sense of depth to a relationship that doesn't exist. Face to face contact or at least verbal (phone) contact, I feel is something that is crucial to true relationship. I guess it doesn't have to be f to f or verbal but it's so much easier and in depth there's more give and take. I think it's also a problem of living in a society where we want everything 5 minutes ago. Give and take can happen through email but it's much more drawn out.
Strange but true. I'm finding it hard to make the time. Mostly because I've been working this week but also because I have great ideas and then over think and finally say forget it. I've always been pretty introverted with my thoughts and feelings and so I guess it's hard to write things down for others to read. I'm going to make a concerted effort from now on.
The Eagles just got their asses handed to them by the Bucs. It was the most miserable display of football since I don't know when. Oh yeah the last game of last year's season when they pussed out against the Bucs in the NFC championship game.
My niece Evelyn was born Sept. 8 2003 at about 11:00(30?) AM. 7 lb. 10 oz. 21.5"
We went to see her and she is absolutely precious. A beautiful baby.
My Sister had a home birth with a midwife and she said that it was 1000 times better than the hospital experience. She's become very anti-hospital/established practices regarding childbirth breastfeeding etc. For example in the hospital they make you lay flat on your back to deliver but in that positon the vagina slants upwards so you're fighting gravity. (wanted to keep the page small but keep reading for more interresting stuff and links)
They use petosin(sp?) (the contraction drug) in upwards of 85% of births to induce labor instead of letting it happen naturally. My sister had petosin the last time and said that it was horrible. Instead of having regular contractions it was like one huge contraction with some periods of intense contraction which is painful for the woman and very stressful for the baby.
Formula fed babies have weaker immune systems and have on average lower IQ by about 5 points. Breastfeeding is not a an instinctual thing for a mother it's a learned behavior and in our society there's no one to learn from. My sister belongs to the La Leche League which is a group that advocates and educates about breast feeding. It's pretty interresting. When a baby is born they have a sucking reflex and a seeking reflex. Sucking - obvious. Seeking - The baby will seek out by touch and smell. Some nurses tell women that if the baby doesn't find the nipple that the mother should press the baby's head gently to the nipple but then the baby will be confused because you're touching it on the back of the head so it tries to turn around seeking the point of contact instead of the breast. Check out my sister's site for a bunch of awesome links about this kind of stuff.
Poppa Slaw just had skin cancer removed the other day. It was basal cell carcinoma(Dad's looked like the bottom pic. Kind of a cross between a scar and a pimple.), a slow growing, non invasive type. He had this really cool surgery called mohs surgery. Dr. Howe got it all out and all is now well.
Just got in from an evening at my friend Kenny's. We spent the last few hours watching the baby and the Phillies and playing Civ3. It's been amazing watching Isabella grow and learn. She might be just about the happiest baby I've ever met. She's 9 mos. and she's walking and babbling and never stops smiling.
What is it about babies that brings such joy to one's heart? Need to think about that.
