Wise Drivel

New advertizing buzzword -- MELTY

I'm hearing the word melty used a lot in advertizing these days... Specifically as it is used to describe cheese.

Taco Bell has their "Cheesy Beefy Melt," which they describe as being filled with melty cheese. Pizza Hut uses the same term to describe the cheese inside their stuffed crust pizza.

Taco Bell and Pizza Hut are both owned by the same company (Pepsico), so I'm not terribly surprised that they both employ the same word in their ads. But I also heard it used in another ad, and although I don't recall what it was for, I don't think it was from the same parent company.

Why melty? I suppose "melted" cheese connotes something in more of a liquid state. Perhaps consumers find it off-putting. Perhaps melted is not an accurate way to describe cheese that is soft and stretchy, but still clinging to some vestige of solidness. Melted=fondue; melty=pizza cheese.

The Onion did a nice story on this a year and a half ago. Clearly, I'm not the first to notice that this word has crept into pop culture usage. People have been using it for years, but now it's... official. Businesses are intentionally using it with pride to desribe their products. Marketing experts are sitting around a table, tossing around words, and they decide that the best way to provide an accurate word picture of the cheese in their product is to invent a new word -- melty. Instantly, the consumer knows exactly what to expect from the prduct.

The first time I hard the term, it was used to describe a cassette tape (yes, it was that long ago) that had been playing continuously in a car tape player for several hours. It was a while before I came to accept it as a way to describe food. I like it, but I don't like it. But no matter what, I do like melty cheese. Melty chocolate, not so much. Melty underwear? I don't think so.

Why did it take me so long to discover coffee?

I only started drinking coffee last June. My parents have always loved it, but I never understood their devotion to the nasty stuff. Now I do.

I have come to love coffee. I enjoy drinking it, even from a styrofoam cup with a sippy-hole in the plastic lid. I want it while I drive. I want it while I wait. I want it all the time. I even like decaf. Flavors are fine, but plain coffee is good too. Yes, I have had some bad coffee... but I just really, really love coffee in general these days.

For the last 32 or so years, I had been a devoted drinker of hot tea. Since discovering coffee, I have only had tea once. Any you know what? It wasn't that great.

In closing, I like my coffee like I like my women... really hot, artificially sweet, and not so black.

Too easily angered lately

Lately, I find my self becoming angry at things that shouldn't make me angry.

"Family Circus" makes me angry because ever since my friend ThatChris pointed out that it's never really been funny, I can't believe they still have the sack to print it. It's getting worse every week.

The "Happenings in Your Neighborhood" feature in the Life section of the Friday paper -- you know, the page where each section of town (at least those with some kin dof well-to-do element) is represented by a "community correspondent" who gives a brief rundown of upcoming events in that particular area. Do we really need a column that starts with "Do you like silent auctions?"

The sign posted on the door of the Food Lion in East Ridge on Super Tuesday that read, "Due to election's, we are unable to sale beer until the poll's are closed. Sorry for any inconvience." That's 4 writing errors in 18 words. They're not even trying.

The radio commercial on Jack FM where the girl with the annoyingly twangy accent (who is this girl? Is she local? She's in half the commercials that run on Jack FM). This particular ad is for a printing company. The punchline is that the girl wants them to print her a new (presumably better) report card. Hardy har har.

There is almost nothing worth reading in the Weekend section of the paper. Movie listings, maybe.

"Bad to the Bone" continues to receive airplay. Sometimes it comes on while I'm in the shower. That means I have to lean precariously out of the shower, risking life and limb, to turn off the radio.

Cleveland, TN is a gaping pit of hell. It is the New Jersey of the South. Why do people choose to live there? The town is poorly laid out, the drivers are idiots, and the culture borders on inbred.

Any sticker placed on a car In Loving Memory of some dead person. Are these necessary? Do they have a statute of limitations? When can you scrape it off your car without dishonoring the deceased? Does a window decal really express the right feelings for the occasion? How long does the general public need to be reminded of this dead person they had never even heard of before?

I'm sure there's more.

Welcome Back American Gladiators!

I used to love American Gladiators, and I was pleased to hear that it was coming back.

I watched it last night and it was awesome. Cheesy and corny, but awesome nonetheless. I hope it lasts a long time. It will take a while to get used to the new gladiators. I thought I saw where Dan "Nitro" Clark was a producer or something. Good call.

RIP Dan Fogleberg

Dan Fogleberg apparently died this morning. He was 56 and had cancer.

Auld Lang Syne, Mr Fogleberg. Whatever that means.

The worst thing that can happen while jogging

So, I'm jogging the other day, and listening to music on my iPod. I find that the iPod makes physical exertion easier to take. It is indispensable on a 3 mile run.

Anyway, I'm keeping a pretty good pace - like an 8.5 minute mile (good for me, maybe not good for a serious runner). Then, without warning, it happens...

You see, I like the "shuffle" feature on my iPod. I created a playlist of songs that I deemed appropriate to run by. For the most part, they are. I enjoy being surprised by the next song I'm going to hear. Some songs, though, leave me wondering why I thought I could run while listening to them.

Do you realize that NOTHING slows a runner down like a random playng of "Chariots of Fire?" The human body is programmed to run in slow motion during any and all playings of this song. During the 3 and a half minutes that this song was playing, I only managed to run about fifty feet. That's bad.

Another bad choice was the day I chose to listen to the Bud Light "Real American Heroes" commericials, one after the other, while running. It's hard to run while laughing at "Mister in-the-car-nose-picker." I'm sure passing motorists were amused by the guy with the goofy smile on his face that could hardly put one foot in front of the other for all of the laughing.

Running is painful and dangerous. Don't do it.