I always thought that depression was kind of silly. I have never really been an overly emotional person and I have never really had much sympathy for people who were struggling with depression. I always just thought that they should get over it. I always assumed that they were depressed over something silly, something that didn’t really make any difference.
My thoughts on this matter have changed since I have been married. No, it is not being married or dealing with my wife that makes me depressed. What depresses me is when my wife is gone.
My wife is in Miami for a mission’s trip this week and I am home all alone. It is amazing the difference it makes having just that one person around. Somehow I get bored so much quicker when I am by myself than I do when she is here. I find myself moping around wishing that she were just in another room, or something.
It is not like our lives are full of excitement when she is around; she just somehow completes the picture. Without her there is something noticeable missing. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have no problem being alone. Before I met my wife I was perfectly content to spend a Friday night sitting in my room at school, reading a book or playing a computer game. I didn’t think that I needed anyone else around. I can no longer do that. I am now perfectly content to do the same things on a Friday night, as long as my wife is somewhere near. Knowing that I will not see her for a week makes me physically sick. I don’t know how to explain it, maybe it is just me.
Posted by bhuffine at July 5, 2003 12:29 PM | TrackBackI can't say I know what you mean from a married perspective, but what you wrote pretty much explains how I feel about Nao. The feeling that something is missing, the lack of completion. I feel for you man and hope your wife comes home soon!
Posted by: at July 5, 2003 10:46 PMBen, I think that's the most emotionally open/honest thing I've ever "heard" from you. Now, Laini being gone is bad, very bad, but hey, that post is one good thing to come of it...maybe...
Anyways, I haven't been married for a year now like you and Laini, but it's odd, if I don't see April for more than about 4-6 hours I start to get all skittish and crazy...life just feels...wrong.
Posted by: at July 6, 2003 10:28 PMThanks for understanding guys.
I think from my experience that it is not just a matter of how long my wife has been gone but rather what is going on while she is gone. There seem to be certain things that make it more obvious to me that she is missing.
One of the hardest times was when I woke up this morning and she was not there. There is just something about the morning routine that was really difficult without her. It just made me miss her even more. Sitting in church without her yesterday was much the same story. There are just certain situations where it just feels wrong for her to be gone. However, I spent a couple of hours mowing the lawn this weekend and the fact that she wasn’t there just wasn’t as prevalent. When I came inside and she wasn’t there to thank me for doing it though, I missed her again.
There is also something to the fact that I know that I won’t see her until Saturday that makes everything more difficult. I just want my wife to come home.
Posted by: at July 7, 2003 09:04 AMThat makes me think of something else. You DO get to see her again, and her absence makes her presence all the more wonderful. In my position I don't get to see Nao ever again, she isn't coming back. So even though you have to wait for a little while, you know she's coming back and that is a very good thing to look forward to.
Posted by: at July 7, 2003 09:45 AMIt is a wonderful blessing to know that Laini will be coming home, sometime. I guess that I don't really know your situation with Nao. I'm sorry to hear that she is not coming back. I pray that God will give you the grace that fills the void that you feal.
I guess in some way I am glad that God has given me such love for my wife that I miss her so much when she is gone. In a real since a part of me is missing when she is gone. And I am very glad that by God's grace she will be coming back and I will be complete again.
Posted by: at July 7, 2003 11:48 AMYa, but then there are the times when you're scared to come home 'cause you know you're a complete smacktard for something stupid you did... :)
Posted by: at July 7, 2003 05:27 PMYeah... that is definately a very big sucky part of things. Of course it's good motivation to not be a smacktard. I was in trouble for a long time for almost sleeping through Nao's baptism. I am da-king-of-smacktards.
Posted by: at July 8, 2003 04:26 PMHello Dear Sister Laini, I just cant know how i will have to thank god for the gift of Mosi Jarron to your family. He is such a pretty looking boy. May he grow in the fear of the Lord and that the Lord may use you both for the up bring of him to real understanding of the Lord and use him for the glory of the King and Maker our GOD. Be blessed in all and continue serving him all the days of youre life.I an my family,Joana Moses Jonathan, joshua Mark and Dinah Hope we are so glad for you and the Gift he has given you. blessings abound to you as a family. We love you.Bob-Gad and family
Posted by: at October 19, 2004 10:22 PM