Mad Snot

Dammit... with a capital D

oy... could life be any more complicated? and the fucked up thing about it, is that it really isn't that complicated, it just seems like it... I dunno... maybe I'm crazy... my mom is driving through the chickamauga battlefield right now, cause her best friend since like birth called a little bit ago to tell us that her mom had died, and my mom was really close to her mom and her and so, that kinda sucks a lot... and i'm tired... and frustrated... and seriously stressing about saturday... i know if i don't go it's an incredibly shitty thing to do, got that, one with the realization... but at the same time i don't know if i can deal with going, or if i want to/can stand to, test myself to see if i can deal with it... if i don't go i will seriously get the worst friend of the year award, but if i do go there's still a chance of that. and i don't want to put anybody in the middle of anything they don't need to be in the middle of and i know everybody would be pissed but i can't really explain it to anybody... it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, and i'm not even sure it makes sense to me... i just know it's gonna be stressed and stressing and awkward and uncomfortable and ya... things are going to suck no matter which way it goes... and i swear to god brandon is about to get the shit beaten out of him by me, but that's a whole other story, that i can't really talk to anyone about either because everyone except like my mom, dennis and chris think the fucking child can do no wrong... which really pisses me off... something happens, he runs his mouth and i end up looking like the bitch, when no one knows the real story cause the mother fucker lies everytime he opens his mouth... and then craig is coming in town on sunday and plans on staying for a couple of days i think... he wanted me to go back with him but my mommy says no... and chris is sick... and dustin emailed garrett and had garrett forward the email to me and something is for real going on and i don't know what and i've emailed him twice and he hasn't emailed me back and i'm seriously tempted to just be waiting up there when he gets off work tomorrow, if he works tomorrow... i don't even know anymore... i'm just so tired and i can't explain it to anybody, and when i try they think i'm bringing drama and bitching instead of just trying to be like hey, listen for a minute while i vent, or at least pretend to listen... i'm sick of being there for everybody else through all kinds of crap that i don't want to be there for and crap that makes me stressed out and sick and almost to a point that i can't deal at all and then the second i open my mouth even to mention something that's on my mind everybody bails and says sorry i can't deal with you... it's fucking middle school bull shit and i'm tired of it... but on the plus side, i got all my stuff with chattanooga state straightened out, so i will be attending this summer and as a bribe/present/whatever the hell my daddy ordered me a new computer... at least i have that to look forward to...