parresia

could be worse

Planning a marriage ain't so bad after all

I'm getting married in December. Planning thus far hasn't exactly been a joy ride; for various reasons hurdles have presented themselves-- at some points leading my beautiful fiance to dispare.

So it was of great comfort today when I came across an old article in a National Geographic magazine that deliniates the marriage rituals of African countries. Here's what Sweetness and I could have been facing...

In Ethiopia...as a girl reaches puberty she endures the pain of scarification as razorlike cuts are incised into the skin of her abdomen. Ashes rubbed into the wounds make them heal in an elaborate raised pattern...this increases her desirability.

In Niger...Male cousins about the same age, called waldeebe, who share a special bond, sometimes also share affection for the same girl. If she marries one, the other is welcomed in their home and, with her consent, in her bed.

In Kenya...Marriages are arranged. Several days before her marriage the girl goes under a series of treatments. All her body hair below the neck is removed. She is then massaged with coconut oil and perfumed with sandalwood. An older woman, called a somo, teaches the girl how to please her husband, even, perhaps, waiting under their bed to assist in the case the couple have difficulty consummating the marriage. On the wedding day, the groom lifts the veil of his bride-- whose face he may be seeing for the first time...

South Africa...Weddings are celebrated in stages, which can take years to conclude. The begin with the bride price is paid in installments of money and livestock. A two-week seclusion of the bride-to-be marks the second stage, when other women teach her how to be a good wife....the girl is truly married only when she completes the third stage: giving birth to her first child.

Namibia...the women slather themselves with red ocher and butterfat mixed with herbs and resin. Arriving at her husband's house, the bride is instructed on the duties expected by her new family, who show their acceptance by anointing her arms, breasts, and belly with butterfat from the cows of the groom or his father.

Masai (Kenya)...wedding day may be a time of true sadness for Masai girls, who submit to arranged marriages with much older men whom they barely know. Before the girl departs her father spits milk on her head and breasts. As she leaves, family and friends warn her not to look back, in case she might turn to stone. As the bridal party nears, they are met by the groom's female relatives, who hurl insults at the bride to ward off bad luck. "You are as short and bowlegged as a Pygmy!" Then they slap handfuls of cow dung on top of her head. How she handles the abuse is believed to determine how she will face the challenges of marriage.

So, with all the complicated arrangements that have to be met: photographer, flowers, DJ, Dresses, and the like, it seems an absolute blessing compared to meeting my bride on the first night, or seeing her with cow dung on her head.

I'm grateful to be an American. Moreover, the Orthodox wedding sacrament is truly an awesome and holy ceremony. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Posted by at June 5, 2002 05:48 PM