A Jeep In Summer

Happy Birthday

talking about a revolution sounds like a whisper

Two thousand years ago God started a revolt against the religion He started. So don't ever put it past God to cause a groundswell movement against the churches and Christian institutions that bear His name. If He was willing to turn Judaism upside down, don't think for a moment our institutions are safe from a divine revolt. I am convinced that even now there are multitudes of followers of Jesus Christ who are sick and tired of the church playing games and playing down the call of God. My travels only confirm that the murmurings of revolution are everywhere. I am convinced that there is an uprising in the works and that no one less than God is behind it.

Erwin McManus, quoted in Bruxy Cavey's The End of Religion

101 Cups of Water

This book had me on the first page. "I can't live the Christian life. Don't tell anyone, but I've tried and I've tried and I can't. I haven't loved God with all my heart, soul, and mind, and I certainly haven't loved my neighbors as myself. It's that simple."

Don't tell anyone, but I can't make it work. I have trouble making anything work. My classroom, prayers, listening to other people (which I used to think I did so very well), my responsiblities, my living situation, my whole freakin' life. I put my hands on it, you name it, and it just kind of stops.

"So, yes, I admit that I can't make my Christian life work. Praise be to God, who has freed me from the trying."

"So what do I do? I bring it all to the cross. And when the good news of God's love pours over me, it is then I realize, with my heart filled with gratitude, that Christ lives through me."

C.D. Baker has written 101 short, tiny, understandable, munch-them-down-one-at-a-time meditations on his own screwups and needs. The book is 101 cups of good stuff, like a cup of grace, focus, love, mystery, forgiveness. Each page a cup of something I need. For instance--rest. For example--confession.

It's kind of relieving to have proof that someone struggles as much as I do. This book works because it is not directed at me, he's writing to himself. I sure as heck don't need one more person telling my how deficient I am and how successful I'll be if I "do" their formula. Quite frankly, I'm tired of doing. I really just want to sit in a corner and love Jesus for a little while.

It's an honest book and tells the truth. My soul is tired and thirsty. I am tired and thirsty. So I kinda need this book right now.

housing update

The new apartment just fell through. He wants to get FEMA money so the place will not be ready when I need it. I thought I was done looking for a place to live, so this is a little stressful.

fight

dismantle

Everything gets dismantled. When you're young or old and grey. Sooner or later. It's that whole principle of entropy thing. Everything is falling apart. Except, obviously, those things that God holds together with unseen hands and work and care beyond our understanding.

I'm breaking down my shelves and getting ready for a move. House to apartment. I didn't want this to last forever, but the way it happened was pretty sudden and I think everyone in this particular circle of acquaintances and friends knew I was moving out before I knew. There were a few days when I just reached for my coffee cup of depression every morning, because I felt slightly unmoored, unanchored, cast off. The answer to that was just to go looking for an apartment and get a little more sleep than usual.

Found a decent little place in Midcity. Two bedroom carriage house apartment. It's not large and luxurious and saying that it has two bedrooms makes it sound much bigger than it is. And as I'm packing up and getting up in the attic to get out the boxes and Rubbermaid containers and stuff that was never unpacked I know that there are two possiblities--either it will fit just right or I will get to downsize again.

There are two really good things about the new place--first, there're LAUNDRY FACILITIES!!!! That's an enormously great thing. Second, the landlord is willing to rent month-to-month. That's good because I don't know where I should be next year.

yeah but i knew this already

You Sometimes Don't Get Enough Sleep

You're often more tired than you'd like, and you're probably not getting enough quality sleep. Sleeping a little more could make you a lot more energetic and happy. Try having a bedtime, keep your bedroom cool, and only eat fruit before bed.

In Honor of this coming Monday

The church must be reminded that it is not the master or the servant of the state, but rather the conscience of the state. It must be the guide and the critic of the state, and never its tool. If the church does not recapture its prophetic zeal, it will become an irrelevant social club without moral or spiritual authority.

Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love

NY

You Belong in Soho

Although you may not be a professional artist, you do dabble in one form of art or another. And you indie culture of all kinds - from little boutiques to art house films.

this is

my new desktop image. One of the reasons I like it is--the note seems kind of 3D. Also it is New York. And I want to call Sir Shadow. It's from Joe's NYC.

When you want to quit

"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without the work."

— Emile Zola

rubber meeting road

I watch what I do to see what I really believe.

Time to go re-read

So I brought my compendium of the Narnia Chronicles home from school today. Good thing, because I have run out of stuff I want to read. That book is big enough to choke a mule. Awkward for bedtime reading. But I will somehow manage.

beer, ipod, tie, and halo--yep this is definitely me

back to work

My bag is loaded, my earrings are out, and my iPod is charging. But 5 am is gonna be too dadgum early. To get outta bed.

from Sam Pickering's 'Letters to a Teacher'

"Ours is a problem-solving age in which people believe that if only they can find the right key any problem can be solved. The truth is not all problems are locks that can be opened, and maybe that is part of the wonder of living. You must recognize that much lies beyond your knowledge and skills."

I don't like to think that ANYthing lies beyond my knowledge and skills. As North Americans, we have been taught that we can do anything. That we can be anything we want to when we grow up.

But the truth is, I am limited, just like Elphaba sings in "Wicked." On a clear day I cannot see forever. There are mysteries.

But I can be all that I can be. So on Tuesday, when my students walk back into my classroom, I will take a deep breath and start again. I will do what I do as well as I can and see what happens.

And seriously, as soon as you or I relieve ourselves of having to solve EVERY problem, we might be less uptight and panicky.

HNY, etc.