A Jeep In Summer

Red Blog

You should look at the Red blog.

Welcome to New Orleans, we got fun and games

This is the part where you nod, knowing that I am dealing with the images that have been lying on my desktop. Just trying to get things slightly organized, that's all. A clean desktop is a beautiful desktop. Helps the state of mind.

you got your banana in my chocolate and peanut butter

"The Elvis Cup is a Reese’s cup with an additional layer of banana creme below the peanut butter. The banana tastes just like they put a real banana slice in there - they absolutely nailed the taste of a banana. Banana flakes are listed on the wrapper so the taste is real bananas." from candyaddict

PURE YUM. Oh yeah. I get 'em at the gas station around the corner, the gas station on the way to most of the places I go. Including school.

Saturday Prayer

Lord Jesus,
I am blind, be though my light,
ignorant, be thou my wisdom,
self-willed, be thou my mind.
Open my ear to grasp quickly thy Spirit's voice,
and delightfully run after his beckoning hand;
Melt my conscience that no hardness remain,
make it alive to evil's slightest touch;
When Satan approaches may I flee to thy wounds,
and there cease to tremble at all alarms.
Be my good shepherd to lead me into the green pastures of they Word,
and cause me to lie down beside the rivers of its comforts.
Fill me with peace, that no disquieting worldly gales
may ruffle the calm surface of my soul.
Thy cross was upraised to be my refuge,
Thy blood streamed forth to wash me clean,
Thy death ocurred to give me a surety,
They name is my property to save me,
By thee all heaven is poured into my heart,
but it is too narrow to comprehend thy love.
I was a stranger, and outcast, a slave, a rebel,
but thy cross has brought me near,
has softened my heart,
has made my thy Father's child,
has admitted me to thy family,
has made me joint-heir with thyself.
O that I may love thee as thou lovest me,
that I may walk worthy of thee, my Lord,
that I may reflect the image of heaven's first-born.
May I always see thy beauty with the clear eye of faith,
and feel the power of the Spirit in my heart,
for unless he move mightily in me
no inward fire will be kindled.

from The Valley of Vision, a collection of Puritan prayers & Devotions

Salt Water

Like me, Amy Grant loves the ocean.

"Salt water is the greatest component of our world, yet some people have never seen an ocean. That doesn't change the ocean. It is constant and powerful, and like the love of God, whether we're immersed in it, standing on the shore, or a thousand miles away, it remains."

I wish I was walking on a beach right now. Got a ton of thoughts to sort out, not just from six crazy weeks of teaching in New Orleans and being excited and scared about what's coming next, but from other things...and email.

Email--I tell ya, sometimes it brings great news and sometimes it brings awful news. Today a friend emailed me about how his life has been shattered. His heart has been absolutely broken. I just broke down at my desk and wailed a little bit, settled down for some quieter crying, and the tears (salt water...) have been showing up through the rest of the day. Today, for him, looks dark, if not absolutely black. But I believe that the love of God is still there, even if I'm not standing on the shore. Even if my friend isn't standing standing on the shore.

The dark days, the ones that are bleak and black, "add depth to every other experience. Like the dark bits of color in a mosaic, they add the contrast and shadows that give beauty to the whole, but they are just a small part of the big picture."

I know that when you're up at 3 am, staring at the awful mess you've made or the awful mess you've been handed or that you've landed in, it doesn't help to know that it will pass and you'll be a better person. But that's how life works. This too shall pass. "Nothing is wasted in life. Grief and pain enlarge our capacity for compassion and perseverance."

And oh my friend, I wish I could help. But there's nothing I can do for you. Except to say, "I love you, I miss your hugs and laughter, I miss sitting on the porch with you, I will pray for you, I will walk with you in any way I can."

Amy Grant's book Mosaic is a collection of stories about her life, music, children, being found by God, getting older, prayer, chance encounters, and relationships. It's been good to read it and get to know her a little better, and to understand where some of the songs, songs that have been good friends to me, came from.

And there's a couple of great laughs too. Amy writes about going through a fast food drive through with her kids:

"Finally everyone but Corrina had ordered. I was out of patience as I locked eyes with my silent two-year-old in the rearview mirror. With deliberate calm I said, 'Corrina, what do you want? If you don't say something right now, you're getting a cheeseburger and fries.

All this time she'd been rubbing her thumb and fingertips together. Suddenly she stopped and pointed both index fingers at my reflection in the rearview mirror and said, 'I'll take the money.'"

All of this entry's quotes are from Mosaic.

I quit today

Gave my two weeks notice last Friday, but then the new school called and wants me to start this Monday. So I'm taking a couple of days off. I feel slightly bad--I didn't want to be a quitter and I didn't want to leave suddenly, that's just not how I roll. However, there's only so much science I could teach and only so much craziness I could absorb without needing professional intervention in the form of therapy or psychoreactive meds and without needing someone to do my laundry and without needing a ton more support from the district , and I know that I gave my best and that it didn't work. I went so much farther than halfway.

further inspiration

weekend

if you felt a tremor in the force in CHA

I was in town this weekend for a wedding. Pictures will be posted.

i don't think about candy all the time, but it is halloween

Tootsie Roll Pop

It only takes three licks to get to your center!

this is part of why I want to teach English

high-tech mess tests NO school district

Class schedules are tangled in confusion

view from school

Oh, I forgot to mention just one of the things that is contributing to our faculty insanity

On the afternoon of Friday, September, 21, we were told to immediately pack our classrooms, that movers would be arriving shortly, and that we were to open at a different location the following Monday. There went that weekend.

The new location does have "activboards" which we can't use because the activboard software is improperly loaded on our laptops and we don't have the administrative access to re-install it--other small things we need to run our activboards include video cables and usb cables. (When I went into OfficeMax looking for usb cables with two flat heads they looked at me like I was a crazy person.) We don't have blackboards. I now have a 3 foot by 3 foot slab of white board that is leaning against my activboard. Now that's fun.

We can't hang anything on the walls.

And to top it all off we don't have a copier.

Just wait until I post pictures of the view from my classroom.

power of a name

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car),
Burt Accord (ugh that's not a good one for me, obviously I need to get a cooler car)

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie),
Mint Oatmeal

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name),
M Har

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal),
Blue Leopard

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born),

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first),
Harmi

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),
Black Coffee

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers),
George Carl

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy),
Grey Flannel Kit Kat

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ),

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter),
Collier Chicago

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower).
This doesn't work for guys.

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Apple Jeansie

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree),
Pastry Oak

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”),
The Motorcycle Lightning Tour

Thanks to Kate

A Mosaic

I just received my advance copy of Amy Grant's Mosaic. It isn't straight autobiography, it's more like a collection of pieces. Bits of recollection. Could be good. Like smaller pieces of candy for Halloween are good.

Not so Funny Student Quote

"Mr. H, you look like Forrest Gump."

I must say, however, that the most unfunny student quote to date is unpublishable, because it very liberally uses some of my favorite words. Who would have thought thirteen year old children had the ability to say such things? But, as I was reminded today, I am teaching in what is most likely the worst school system/district in the United States. It is definitely a daily challenge, an uphill battle, go ahead and insert here all of those timeless war-weary things you can say about what I do. Some would even say it's a lost cause and I need to get out, hit the road. But I haven't yet.

Somehow I've developed the ability to walk out of school at 3:30 and let it all fall off my shoulders. That's good. I'm not going to carry that crap around after-hours. And after every horrible day, I determine that tomorrow is going to be better, and that I'm going to teach a little better. I know that tomorrow might actually be worse, but telling myself that it's going to be better helps me show up for school every weekday.

One of the things I've learned is that the students can't really offend me. Anything they say to me...well, I've heard and thought worse sentiments about my appearance, my character, and my abilities.

One of the funniest things they can call me is a racist. I just wanna look at them and say, "Honey, if I were a racist I would not be teaching here. I would be comfortably ensconced in a safe, middle class, white community. I wouldn't have to worry about your future, your ability to read, your ability to read and follow instructions, whether you've taken your meds, or if you're going to be able to go on to 8th or 9th grade." But yet they pull out the racist label when they can't think of anything else to say. I think next time I'll just look at them and say, "Hey, you're grasping at straws. Now go stand in the hall."