Was at dinner last Thursday night with 2 old friends, and one of them looks me in the eye and says, "What do you need?" As in, "I hate to see you go, but what can I do to help you get out of Chattanooga?"
I just about broke down on the spot. It's pretty rare that someone says, "What do you need?" Well, it is an everyday occurance at the restaurant--when you get in the weeds it's great to have backup--but I tell ya, that kind of backup is pretty rare in "real" life. Maybe it's pretty likely that a lot of people would help me, but would they just straight up offer?
So we're talking about a moving/road trip. While part of me really likes the idea of hitting the road solo, it would also be really great to have some company and go road tripping with him again.
Random receipts from gas stations I don't remember stopping at. Also a receipt from an out-of-town dinner when there was still hope. These are the kinds of things you find when you start packing--things you don't necessarily want to find.
But it's ok. We all get a little lost in life, sometimes, whether it's when we're young or whether we feel perpetually lost. But, however, don't forget, or please try to remember:
'When I feel afraid
Think I've lost my way
You are there, right beside me
Jesus, be my guide
Hold me to your side'
Maybe they're simplistic words. If you've been anywhere near the church you've probably heard and sung those Amy Grant words, and you may hate them. You may love 'em. I need 'em. Right now.
And these too:
'Lead me on, lead me on
To a place where the river runs into your keeping'
and painting. Gone down to 3 shifts a week at the restaurant so I can maybe accomplish herculean house tasks.
I've been running across things I forgot I had. For instance, my Sinead O'Connor cd's, which are strongly connected to my life at college and to my friend E. We used to sit in the stairwell and sing 'Black Boys on Mopeds.' We were pretty darn good. I remember the first time I met her--I pulled up to my student apartment in my 1981 Mustang and she and my new roommate S were dancing to Sinead's 'Mandinka.' It was one of those cd's I'd bought because I thought it would make me a cooler person and I hadn't really listened to it. (I have since grown to love it. And I am a cooler person. Heh.) She was using a cane at that point, and I just kind of stared at the two of them thinking they were all kinds of weird. I had no idea that the two of them would be be deeply involved in my life, and it would be the kind of deep involvement that would take a couple of books to explain. That story would be full of complication, laughter, road trips, disillusionment, some hurtful words, English professors, poetry, hikes on Lookout Mountain, unpaid cell phone bills, late nights. You know, the stuff that life is made of.
I haven't said goodbye to E or S. I may be able to say hello again soon.
As I'm looking at the next couple of weeks, there's a lot of closure coming up. A lot of doing things for the last time, saying goodbye, finishing up. And maybe saying hello to 2 old friends is part of getting down the road to NOLA.
Anyone have a used Sprint phone I can buy? I think mine is dead from motorcycling home in the rain.