A Jeep In Summer

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Vacation's over. Time to work. But I'm happy to not be travelling for a while, and to spend more than one night in my own personal sleeping location.

Look for me buried in books. And in the chlorine water of the YMCA pool. And in Greyfriar's, I think it's time to be more social.

Speaking of sociability, the land of Wigginshire and I had planned to combine forces to put on a progressive dinner for our New Year's Eve celebration. But that's fallen through. They have a pretty sick child, so even if she gets over the fever, the house will still be too full of germs. So I'm gonna have to find another party, which is kind of poopy--I wanted to have the party at my house so that I wouldn't have to drive afterwards.

As we finish the year, may God bring you his presence, as well as surprise, joy, and wonder.

Put Some Drive In Your Country

Another eight and a half hours of driving. I am starting to recognize too much stuff between Chattanooga and northwest Indiana.

I am home, but only for a short time. Too short. Not looking forward to family Christmas gathering. Have been through too much in the last two days with who is coming or not coming, who will not stay with who, and so on. And I've had to give up my bedroom. Oh well, that's part of being the unmarried sibling. The joy of being flexible because you're single disappears when someone demands you to be flexible and you'll feel guilty for not giving in. Add to all that the necessity of having all those conversations in the cold of Indiana because your mobile phone won't work inside the house.

And of course, I immediately got into serious conversation with my housemate about courtship, of all things. I'm not a fan. He's always communicated, by his manner, that it was the only way to go, but gave a little bit of ground tonight in saying that it would be OK to not court, as long as the relationship was honoring to God, protected her from getting emotionally involved, etc. But even that little bit of ground was in deference to my age. Because everything changes when you're as old as I am.

OK. I get it. But Christ the Savior is born, so have a little compassion.

Merry Christmas, everybody! It's time for coffee. As well as that other thing.

Dental Work Repeat

Got some more done this morning. Is Novocaine addictive?

Driving back to Indiana this afternoon. I realized at about 1 am Tuesday morning that I've been deluding myself--it's not an 8 hour drive, it's really 9 hours.

Ok, got to get tons o' work done.

Home

I'm home for less than 48 hours. Trying to get the Novocaine to go away. The fingers of numbness stretch up into my eyeball and make me feel like a junkie.

Doing laundry.

Way tired. Drove 9 hours from Indiana last night, got in at 2. Will soon go lift weights and face the mess of the office. How late should I work tonight?

One of my friends just got this stupendously beautiful collage of pictures from his girlfriend. I'm thinking about how glad I am that someone cares for him like that, about how his eyes must have lit up when he saw it, about how he felt to be given that kind of gift, about how I would feel to get that kind of gift.

Consequently, I don't feel guilty about this autumn's romantic difficulties. I did my best, and I tried to act honorably and in accordance with my thoughts and feelings. So that's good.

Domesticity

"You know it's bad when Mommy starts speaking Chinese."

Lets Get Some Snow Going

You are 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing'. You take
Christmas very seriously. For you, it is a
religious festival, celebrating the birth of
the Saviour, and its current secularisation
really irritates you. You enjoy the period of
Advent leading up to Christmas, and attend any
local carol services you can find, as well as
the more contemplative Advent church services
each Sunday. You may be involved in Christmas
food collections or similar charity work. The
midnight service at your church, with candles
and carols, is one you look forward to all
year, and you also look forward to the family
get together on Christmas Day.


What Christmas Carol are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

4 Is The Luckiest Number

Tomorrow, after work, I'm driving to Indiana to take care of four kids. Ages: 7, the twins are 4 or 5, and 1. I was going anyway, to help those friends, you know, the ones I've spent Christmas with the last 11 years. But tonight S called and he was taking J to the hospital, so I'm just gonna take over from the babysitter when I get there tomorrow night.

I may get to change a diaper for the first time.

And my new/used iBook from ebay should show up there if I can ever get this guy to calculate the shipping charge so I can go ahead and pay!

Oh Man

I think my biceps are gonna give out. All that pulling weights around, pushing them up and down, labored breathing, drinking water...it's supposed to be good for ya, but I'm not sure.

I Have Always Depended On The Kindness of Strangers

I am blessed. I'm not gonna be able to have dinner with L and O before I hit the road, so she's going to pack me a lunch. That is kind. I would never have thought of asking for it, Burger King is good enough for me.

As I continue my vagabond life on the road, my vagabond heart continues to need the little expressions of love. And tonight, dropping off my long coat for button reattachment, they were my friends. They have been, of course, but tonight the support is so obvious that my heart is double destroyed by the power of friendship. They love me in a way I wasn't looking for. They care for me with food and laughter and listening. And I know that if true desperation showed up my phone call would never be too late at night.

If You Jump I'll Learn To Fall

Thanks to the faithful readers. Just keep on hanging in there. I will, someday soon, post more substantial entries.

How do I know this? I'm leaving way early for Christmas break, taking some extra vacation, in order to help some friends. It's one of those emergency-type situations. I'm going to stay in touch with work as much as possible by email and phone, but in between playing with the kids and watching digital cable and reading for Global Trends, I will have some time to write.

I'm looking for a used iBook. Anyone want to make me a deal?

Just got back from the best weekend in Virginia with my surrogate parents. Lots of conversation, including post-breakup processing. I know the breakup was a while ago, but we hadn't had a chance to talk in person. Life and death got in the way. I also slept a decent amount each night, which greatly helped my state of mind. Virginia is the place I go when I need to be cared for and when the world is falling in on me. It really is more home than my actual homeplace. As I turn the corner of that back road, unpaved road in the Blue Ridge hills, my heart is healed again, the dust of the road falls, love becomes a possibility, and the beauty of that place impedes on my psyche. And this time there was snow. That was cool.

We're Running With The Shadows Of The Night

I have far too much to write about the past week, and I can't decide whether I should summarize or simply take one element at a time.

Oh well. Here I go.

I drove up to Cincinatti on Tuesday, arriving at LBB's house at about 5. We sat around and played with the baby 'til her husband got home, then he ate and we continued to talk. Finally we got hungry and had some yummy mushroom ravioli pasta while we were watching only the new and revised scenes from The Two Towers.

Wednesday I went to swim and then cooked some biscuits and sausage for breakfast and then we headed out to the Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic outlet where I scored two pairs of pants for $7 and a beautiful blue shirt for $5. Then we cooked Thanksgiving dinner with two of LBB's friends from Cinci. We ate a full scale full tilt Thanksgiving feast at about 7--turkey and stuffing, fresh cranberry sauce, 'green stuff', mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, vino, apricot pie, pecan pie, fresh whipped cream, Greyfriar's coffee.

{Please check this channel later for in-between details}

As we were driving home, soaring down the roads of Ohio with AD doing the awesome driving thing, my sister called.

"Hey sweetie, how're you?" "Are you driving or riding?" "I'm riding, what's up?" "Our cousin Alan killed himself last night."

I hadn't seen Alan in, probably, 15 years. So his death doesn't really affect my daily life. But I am sorrowful for his family.

Hearing about Alan's death was a really bizarre experience, because LBB was with me. Years and years ago she and I were hanging out in the Irish pub in Hamburg, Germany when I received word that my cousin Rose had died. So she was with me both times.

I guess that kind of shows you how long a friendship we have.

So I drove home from Ohio Sunday morning, stopped for a haircut, unpacked my dirty clothes, and drove to Alabama for the funeral home visitation Sunday evening. My dad has lots of siblings, and lots of them were there. At least one of the group wasn't sober. It was exceedingly odd to see all those people. I was kind of apprehensive about seeing this whole family that I feel very disconnected from. I didn't want to see my dad. But I walked in and realized that they were glad to see me. I also realized how much strength I've gained in the time I've been away.

I know that some of that strength comes from battling and overcoming what they would love to hand down to me--psychosis, sinful behavior, isolation. Some of that strength comes from just being who I am. Some of the strength comes from my faith and my position as a child of God.

So what do I owe them? Am I responsible for them in any way?