A Jeep In Summer

It's Up And Running

The new Greyfriar's site is up!

Greyfriar's Coffee and Tea

It's Just A List

1. loves God
2. love for family (incl. loves children and willing to adopt)
3. attitude of service
4. conversational ability, laughs easily
5. ability to 'do' hospitality
6. individuality/originality/creativity/personal style
7. loves my family
8. values and works at friendships
9. will let me read, will let me go on missions trips
10. physical exercise, care for body, willing to do outdoors stuff

A Love That Won't Break Down

Ugh

I just pigged out on a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips, a Nestle Crunch bar, and a banana. What a lunch!

Guidelines For Going To The Movies By Yourself, Or, The Art Of Soloing

1. Can't be a comedy. Must be drama, tragedy, science fiction, or epic. Romantic comedies must NOT be considered! For instance, avoid all Jennifer Lopez movies when soloing. Wedding Planner--no way! My Best Friend's Wedding would be OK, because Julia acts liken an angry spiteful woman and doesn't get the man she wants. At least I think that's how it ends.
2. Must not be horror. Light suspsense is OK, but not great.
3. Preferred time for soloing is afternoon. That way you're not a loser for not having anyone to hang out with at night.
4. Sneaking in munchables/comfort food is great fun. I easily justify potato chips since they don't sell those at movie concession stands. Pizza is also great, but requires planning and preparation. If planning and prep time is scarce, pizza flavoured Combos are an acceptable substitute.
5. Certain movies are really great for soloing, though it is not always easy to know that beforehand. The Matrix was a great solo movie. Any of the Lord of the Rings films are good for soloing as well, especially since I want to see them more times in the theatre than my friends do. The Hours would be another great solo movie. And any movie that you don't want your friends to know that you saw should be soloed. For instance, Save the Last Dance. (I dunno, I just think dancing movies are great fun. Flashdance, Dirty Dancing, Centerstage.)
5 1/2 Experience movies, like the Terminator movies, should be experienced in groups.
6. Advantages to soloing: Never having to repeat a line from the movie to a viewing partner. Never having to explain a plot twist or element to a fellow viewer. In most cases, not having to climb over someone to go to the potty.
7. If you don't go to the movies by yourself because you have an inherent need to discuss movies/films after you see them, think about using your blog.

I've Been Looking For You Since I Took My First Breath

Today I feel that my looking is in vain. An exercise in futility. I'm searching for that which either doesn't exist or won't be found. All the prayers and all the hopeful songs are collecting into a heart-shaped bundle of concrete. The new Amy Grant cd doesn't help--she's big-time in love and the new songs show it. And it was probably a stupid thing to start making a fun/sappy/cheesy compilation cd to leave in Ben and Mary's car when they get married in a couple of weeks.

Did you see X-Men 2? I feel like the girl that got injected with metal. Adamantium. When adamantium cools it is indestructible. I feel like I'm clanking at the bottom of the tank like the girl did. And that's a lonely sound.

I know this is just a temporary feeling and that when I get back on the bike and take the long way home this afternoon it will mostly dissipate. I know that God will care for me regardless of my social station in life. But I now wish that I had never begun to think about the possibility of finding.

Movin'

Yesterday my professional location changed--my office was moved from Carter Hall to Jackson Hall and now I get to hang out with the Chalmers people! I didn't really want to leave Carter, it was ideal to have my office in a highly travelled area, but it was politically expedient to give up my space.

I also got to give up television noise, huge air conditioning unit noise, and never-working heat and a.c.

One huge bonus is that I now have super-duper-convenient parking. My motorcycle is parked right in front of the Art Barn. There's a convenient space that isn't big enough for a car, and the bike is backed in for a quick escape. Is it egotistical to walk into the Chalmers Center feeling really cool carrying my helmet?

Somewhere Down Inside

Why is it that I get so much more accomplished when my housemates are gone? They've gone to visit their homeland this weekend. The second load of laundry is almost done, the fridge is cleaned out and all the moldy dishes are washed and put away, cleaning and reorganizing is in process, I've done a bit of reading. Maybe it is because I can get up early, linger over one cup of coffee, play loud dance music, absorb the high energy, and get stuff done without worrying about being in someone's way.

It is nice to have the house to myself occasionally. It seems bigger. I miss all the laughter, but there is a different kind of mood that shows up--a slightly more reflective sense of moving through the hours of the weekend, a quieter enjoyment of a place that belongs to me (and the bank!).

Mike And A Sistah

I know you're probably tired of seeing pictures on my blog, but I feel compelled to put this one up--I really really really love it. Aren't we ridiculously good looking? But as Derek Z. once said, "There's more to life."

Love's A Hard Game To Play

How do you get ready for a date with someone you've never met? I have no idea. Shave carefully. Use the right amount of hair gel. Try on three pairs of jeans and two t-shirts and three dress shirts. All that first impression stuff puts me on the edge when I know it is coming. Day-to-day unpremeditated first impressions aren't intimidating, they just happen. You get out of bed and pull some clothes off the floor and maybe you don't shave or bother to put in your contact lenses and you don't care who you're going to run into during the next sixteen hours.

I find it hard to shake that feeling of being on stage--trying to speak well, remember your blocking, and react to what is going on around you. But you don't want to have a different persona on a date. I guess I shouldn't worry about it, I'm bound to drop my fork or show up a little late or pour diet Coke on myself while I'm driving.

Baby, I'm A Star

A space cadet (in the nicest sense of the word) like you needs to be played by someone who has his own positive outlook on life, someone who is completely loyal, someone who is unbelievably endearing, someone like Chris Klein .

So what do you think? Accurate?

Joy At The Beach

Budapest

Isn't my niece just the cutest thing you're ever seen?

Identity Confusion

Would you rather never be able to sign your own name OR never be able to say it?

Driving to Alabama

Spent last night in Alabama with my sister and her husband and her in-laws. Grilled burgers, blackened hot dogs, potato salad, a screened-in porch with a ceiling fan, long lazy conversation, the soft Alabama night, hyper dogs chasing each other, and peach ice cream. It was a good time.

It is odd to be in Gadsden. I don't like to go there, because I have this compulsion to forget and forsake all the things/situations/people I grew up with. I get a sinking feeling as I cross the Etowah County line. There are certain roads I won't drive. Even in good weather with in a topless Jeep.

But I go. It is important to see my sister in her home and to make the effort to be in the circumstances of her life. And somewhere in the initial laughter of being together the dread in my heart escapes until I am on the road going home. And it comes then because there are things I am leaving undone. I am driving back to the home of Chattanooga, but there is bitter cold terrain in my psyche.

I am told that I will regret those undone things, the phone calls not initiated, the roads not driven. My response is--you don't understand, you come from a family that is undivorced, still together, somewhat healthy; I will always do the best I can, and if nothing is the best I can do, I will live with that. Someone else set the land mines long ago, and I know where they are. If I refuse to walk over sneaky little bombs, I may live to walk another day. If I have to have different ways of being psychologically healthy than you, well you know, I will not apologize. I have to turn a crazy world back around and you don't. If I have to live differently than you to be able to get up in the morning and take what the day brings then I will live differently. And I'm not gonna worry about you understanding. If you aren't willing to at least flirt with understanding then you can find people who are just like you and hang out with them.

Stronger than any Bomb any man has ever made, the power touches me

We had electricity downtime for three and a half hours tonight. "IS THIS THE MODERN WORLD OR WHAT?" After we got done with the weekly Calvin study and made weekend plans and caught up on significant questions there wasn't much to do. Except go to bed. The house was quiet, no almost-subsonic hums, no washer vibrations, no fun email computer beep alerts, no slight squeek of ceiling fans.

Until the power came back and my iMac woke me up with the powering up chime. So here I am. Typing into the blogspace, trying to fill the void.

Why Fanta?

I took a missions group to Romania in May. Two and a half weeks of freshman Mac scholars, intensity, laughter, prayer, preaching (I'll blog about doing Diet Skogen sometime soon), great bread, late night ice cream treats, playing with kids, mixing concrete, loving the Romanian brothers and sisters, and FANTA. My group developed this obsession with and compulsion for Fanta, which comes in really fun flavors. We even compared the difference in flavors that showed up when we crossed the Romania/Hungary border. We all got our own individual Fanta picture in significant places, and my picture time showed up last, when we were hanging out being tourists in Budapest. So I post this with love for Amy, Bekah, Jo, Amy, Zach, Matt, Dave, Coz, and Bibi. I miss the collective. Do you miss Ninja Mike?

Friends Are Friends Forever

Would you rather have all your friends be much smarter OR much better looking than you?

Night

I stand outside in the hot heat of a Southern night. The heat penetrates and floods my body, so that the cool light of the moon is only a faint bitter reminder of cooler days. I hear Fourth of July firecracker leftovers. I stand there and I wonder who in my life is unfixably nuts.

One of the things that happens to people in novels is that they have these incredible events of realization of truth. Maybe a lamp gets thrown. Maybe an accident wrecks itself into the lives of the characters. Maybe a teenager gets locked out of the house.

I don't have those moments. The truth sneaks up on me, the truth haunts me. Only by the process of difficult thinking and analysis do I recognize that some of the people in my life aren't who they think they are, have become somebody that they shouldn't have. Momentous events do not reveal the truth to me. Moments don't direct the overly bright headlights of clarity. Only years do that.

Back from the Beach

Got back from Mount Pleasant, SC on Sunday afternoon about 10 minutes before the evening service at church, so I showered and changed and arrived at RP about five minutes late. Seems like I'm always five minutes late, so I guess I do have a problem with promptness.

We had a great time in South Carolina. We laughed, we talked through some hard stuff, I got sunburned on my left shoulder due to inconsistent spreading of sunscreen.

So now it is time to get to work. And I need to find a part-time job. Any ideas and suggestions? My sisters say I should model, as we took some pictures on the beach and all mine turned out amazing, at least they said so, except for the one where my eyes are shut due to the glare of the early morning midsummer sun! But I'm still looking at waiting tables. Not as glamourous, yeah, I know. But life ain't all about glamour. Life is not mainly in those moments when the lights flash and the smoke rolls across the stage, but in the simple things, in loud and quiet honesty, in faithful consistency, in all of those things that I can't seem to get a grip on...

Is anyone else going through post-vacation depression? Maybe it isn't depression, just reality. Yeah, whatever. I have this friend who doesn't let himself be excited or disappointed--he says he's a realist and I'm always teasing him about his glass being half empty. And maybe my way of living isn't the most efficient, I probably waste time and emotional energy in living through the highs and lows of what the day brings. I think we're supposed to laugh and cry and live in the reality of the moment as well as trust that God will care for our moments and days and journey. I think we're supposed to clearly see reality, the joy and heartbreak of it, not inure ourselves for protection. I don't think that the wisest thing to do is to always be wise and 'walk soberly.' And no, I don't mean that we should be manic and depressive, but that's another conversation altogether.

Questions for Tonight

Does anyone else take their contacts out and then spend five minutes looking for their glasses? (Over the last couple of days I have asked the following highly important questions of my housemates: Have you seen my sunglasses? Have you seen my beach backpack? Have you seen my shoes? Have you seen my keys? I'm such a loser--I LOSE THINGS!)

Would you rather always eat out of dirty dishes OR always wear filthy clothes?

The Gift of Sistahs

I'm packing to go to the BEACH! It is time for the annual Sibling Weekend, tomorrow morning I am driving to Gadsden, AL to pick up one sistah, then to Atlanta to pick up another sistah and then we are driving like Mr. Toad to Charleston, SC to meet up with the other two sistahs. If you were counting, that makes four sistahs. And I fall right in the middle. What a great place to be--surrounded by amazing women. I guess I am spoiled.

We will, hopefully, sit on the beach. (Is it wrong to PRAY AGAINST the rain?) We will drink beer. We will talk about life and laugh a lot and rehash the last year of our lives and go out for dinner and play with the baby and with the boys. And then the spouses will show up on Friday afternoon for barbeque and more cool drinks and fireworks and extended family time.

The laundry isn't done yet, so I can't really pack. And I just put my bedsheets in the washer, so I can't go to bed until the whites are done. Great. I sure know how to plan.

We started this summer get-together 4 years ago. We got to a point at which we realized that we needed some time with the other siblings, so we would go invade Christi's apartment in Mount Pleasant. And it worked so well. We were sitting around the patio table one of those early nights, in love with the summer and with vacation and each other, and we said, "We will do this every year. No matter what it takes." We just need that time, and in some ways it is the highlight of our year.

We keep in good touch by phone, (well, some of us are better than others at that!) but there is something about the five of us together that produces laughter and vulnerability and communication and reflection. It gives us time to continue building these family relationships that we have, in significant ways, created and maintained through very difficult as well as very joyous times. Weddings, births, interpersonal conflict and misunderstandings, long drives to visit, seemingly everlasting phone conversations, sushi, porch moments, tears, hilarity, truth-telling, listening--these are what make us strong.

So, dear sisters, I thank God for you. For the sister I have had since I was four years old, and the sisters that came much later. Please know that my arms are always open. My phone is always on. The driving time to get to you is yours without regret.

"And if we lose our way any night or day
We'll always be where we should be
I'm there for you and I know you're there for me

We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by"

See you tomorrow.