I'm beginning to realize that I need to pay more attention to people who are being left. You know, the focus is always on the leaver--they're going on to new, possibly fun, different things, a brand new full-of-potential exciting life, a new chapter. Moving on is so glamorous and attention-getting.
But the people who wave goodbye from the window, from the driveway, who write secret letters of farewell and regret are the ones who turn around and face a life that is slightly or greatly emptier. The calmer house, the starkly vacant refrigerator/weekend/moment. How do you deal with non-excitement?
There are lots of ways of leaving--physically, mentally, spiritually. You can die, break up, get divorced, go to college, stop talking, quit a job, change churches, move, get married, forget to call, shut down, hide.
But the reality is that God puts people in our lives in three ways--for a reason, for a season, for a lifetime.
I sometimes have trouble figuring out the difference.
'missing you feels like a way of life
I've been living out the life that I've been given
baby, I still wish you were mine
I cannot hear the telephone jangle on the wall
but I feel a hopeful thrill'
i'm trying to learn to accept the reality of "for a season". about a year ago, i decided to allow myself to love my friends extravagantly without worrying about the change of seasons. i used to think that, if a relationship ended or drifted apart - it must not have been "real". i think, now, that each friendship serves a purpose in its time - and giving in the moment is not something to regret or second-guess.
one of my favorite song lyrics is this:
"and it's hardly the way to live/to be sorry for what you give"
i think, oftentimes, i've regretted giving myself to people - my care, concern, presence, vulnerability, etc - because in the end, the relationship is transitory (or they disappoint me or don't give back). i'm almost convinced that it is always worth it to give/love another person. but that does not make it any easier when what you once treasured turns silent.
jeep, i'm feeling the emptiness too. only it's dangling a bit. i want it to just be over or not, but i will most definitely be a weepy mess when it is.
(as my roommate/cousin is most likely moving back in with her now ex-husband.)
jeep,
do you still want a copy of the blog book? if so, would you e-mail with your address? either way, would you let me know so i can free it up if not?
thanks, man,
jeremy
Leaving is always harder on the "lefters" than it is on the leavers, you're right. How can vagrants like little old moi learn to leave well?
Maybe it takes being left a few times to learn how to leave well. And vice versa.
Posted by: bob at January 21, 2005 09:18 AMB--don't sweat it, you did a decent job. =) Except you left some of your STUFF! and sometimes there just isn't any easy/good way to leave--i don't think this is one of those times, but just keep that in mind for the future
Posted by: jeep at January 21, 2005 10:13 AMGood thoughts. I've been coming across a lot of friendship-related things lately. Is it the more you see something the more you notice it, or vice versa?
Either way, thanks. I've expounded on this on my own blog.
Posted by: April at February 1, 2005 01:07 AM