So it's come to this. You've found somebody willing to spend a lifetime with you. Outstanding. Congratulations. But wait. Before any such blissful celebration can be realized, before that short march that precedes the long, felicitous journey of a life well shared, there are some things you have to learn. I'm sure you've already learned some of them, but you'll just have to bear with us.
Fear not--at least, not much. We have gathered tonight so that you can hear the experience of men who have trod the marital road before you. We will build on some traditions, tear down others, and present advice and lore that will gird you with the knowledge necessary to run the rest of your (and her) life. It is sage counsel, and we trust it will help you celebrate this institution as one that you, indeed, can't disparage. At least, not too often. As the old Armenian toast goes, "May you grow old on one pillow."
I know that a single guy shouldn't be able to give any such advice, but I'm going to give some anyway. Just because I love ya.
She has no right to know what will happen at this bachelor party.
Thousands of dollars you have procured and hemorraged. Don't worry, it's only money.
Regarding next Friday: Are you aware that a wedding is tantamount to the elevation of your bride to deity for a day, while you remain decidedly a supporting actor? My brother, be content. I know this goes against the concept of Biblical headship, but you're just gonna have to wait until you leave the reception. Until then, she's in control. And you know what they say in any house of consequence--If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Even though legions of relatives and friends will have assembled, even though so many other people (not you) have worked hard for your wedding day to be perfect, remember:
1. It's all right to be scared.
2. It is not all right to soil your tuxedo.
Drinking guidelines for the groom: one drink for every two glasses of water.
On the honeymoon: relax, enjoy everything, roll with problems, don't sweat the small things.
And don't argue on hotel balconies. Just don't.
My last piece of advice:
I know that you already do, but remember to have the heart of a servant.......so pick up my tux.
Oh Jeep, you are so good with words. I like your speech and I imagine W will too, especially because you are speaking out of love and caring. You are not maritally bound, but that does not mean that you have nothing good to say. Remember that expert on marriage that we talked about? The one with the crappy marriage? He has good things to say about the subject even though he doesn't seem to be living it out in his own marriage.
(And wouldn't you rather be speaking from no experience than from his position...experienced, wise, but not living an example of marriage to everyone around him?)
Hey. You're gonna be a great groomsman. I'm proud to call you my friend.
Posted by: GrammarQueen at June 11, 2004 04:38 PMAmen.
Posted by: bob at June 14, 2004 05:43 PM