A Jeep In Summer

a. they don't do community well

b. it's a community based on an ideology/worldview/lifestyle as opposed to mutual love, sacrifice, forgiveness, honesty, intimacy

I go for b all the way... although I don't know precisely what church you're in.

However, my churchgoing days tell me that it's b... oh, yeah... b...

Do you go to the big church?

I tried to break into my Big Church's Gen-X Community (it was really the Singles' Group). I quit trying because it made me feel like I was the nerd in 7th grade again.

I don't know about your church, Mike, but if they can't seem to be able to include people who want to be included, there's something wrong.

Talk to them before you leave, though.

Wow, Josiah, that's a real indictment...but one I fear is too often true in Presbyterian circles. My hub calls it "big head/little heart" syndrome. We Reformed types often forget to live with one another in love and grace and feel more at ease sparring intellectually. The commands of Christ were always based on loving God and each other and even this turns into an exercise in reason for many of us. We think that to love one another means to organize a committee to be sure that sick people have meals. We forget that just the presence of a Christian friend is the very comfort of Christ. Maybe, Miguel, you are there to preach this sermon in love.

The thing that I've realised is that it takes me about 6 weeks of going to a new church before I start meeting people. What are you supposed do when people say, 'Welcome I'm glad you can make it,' and that's it. If your so glad I made it. Why don't ya sit down and have a chat. Right now I just moved to Germany. I go to church, sit down, listen to the sermon, and that's it. Does anybody try to talk to me? No not really. I've probably said 5 sentences in that church in the last month. Yea I want to be involved with a church, but nobody extends a hand in friendship. Something's wrong with the picture. Joasih I think you hit it right on the nail and that's pretty much has been my own personnal experiance with any church.

Everyone has a bad church story. Every church has failings. Churches are made up of sinners who fail daily. Each of us tried to be faithful and daily fall on our face and cry out to the same God for grace. It is important to start with this perspective when dealing with any church.
A second perspective is that no individual person is going to change an entire group. Especially if that group has a predisposed tendency. While we want to understand the tendencies of the church we are involved in and correct them in our own church behavior, our purpose is not to lead a crusade of change. Our purpose is to bring honor and glory to our God. Christ modeled humility and sacrifice for us and that is to be our starting point.
If we find ourselves in a church situation like the one described, our personal approach should be to model what we desire from those around us. To consistently demonstrate love, sacrifice, and humility through visible and invisible service to the church body. It is not our place to bemoan the actions of others and try to change them, but rather to deal with our own sin and seek to be like Christ. It is my belief that God will honor that service and bring you the desires of your heart.
In "Surprised by Joy," C.S. Lewis notes that when he intentionally sought after Joy, it always alluded him or was not true Joy. True Joy was a byproduct, not a direction. In many ways, church community is the same. It is truly glorious to be so busy seeking to serve the church, only to look up and find you are surrounded by friends you didn't know you had.
In summary, our focus in outward, not inward, on what we give, not on what we get.

I agree with all of you who talk about how churches ought to be. But talking about it and doing it are two different matters.

It sounds to me like Mike's church is good at talking about hospitality, but when it comes to doing hospitality, they are only good at being hospitable toward their friends. Others who aren't like them [i.e., are single and childless] just don't even blip on their radar and consequently don't count.

Mike, maybe LBB is right (how are you, by the way, LBB? It's been a long time since German Class, jah? Teaching at that school is quite an experience!). Maybe your job is to preach them that sermon in love...that hospitality means more than just "hang out with your comfy friends while your kids have play dates together." It means, talk to and include everyone, not just the people you always talk to. It means, open the eyes that God gave you and look around...take off your blinders and look around for ways to keep extending God's hand to others.

I understand what you mean. I was apart of that church for three years with full membership while going to Covenant, and I felt that way many times. My only suggestion is to talk to Kevin about it. I know that he would want to know your feelings. I have yet to understand why it is that way there, as I still love and miss that church so much. But remember, no church is perfect as it is filled with sinners.

it is sometimes lonely when you lead from the front Mike. but the few people that come with you make it worth it.