Today I feel that my looking is in vain. An exercise in futility. I'm searching for that which either doesn't exist or won't be found. All the prayers and all the hopeful songs are collecting into a heart-shaped bundle of concrete. The new Amy Grant cd doesn't help--she's big-time in love and the new songs show it. And it was probably a stupid thing to start making a fun/sappy/cheesy compilation cd to leave in Ben and Mary's car when they get married in a couple of weeks.
Did you see X-Men 2? I feel like the girl that got injected with metal. Adamantium. When adamantium cools it is indestructible. I feel like I'm clanking at the bottom of the tank like the girl did. And that's a lonely sound.
I know this is just a temporary feeling and that when I get back on the bike and take the long way home this afternoon it will mostly dissipate. I know that God will care for me regardless of my social station in life. But I now wish that I had never begun to think about the possibility of finding.
Posted by mike at July 23, 2003 10:46 AM