The Holtonian

Holton Tells Celebrities to Eat it, nothing really new

This is meant in jest... so I hope its funny. If any of the celebrities I mention happen to read this, don't sue me.

After the election, I would like to tell the following people to "eat it"

The Boss----"oooh you aint so hot now Mr. American with your big guitar. You're in the bad lands now Boss, cause you lost. You can come into the secret garden, secret rose garden to hear bush thank america for voting for him.... eat it!"

Dixie Chicks---"Oooh you ain't the hot chicks anymore.. ITS LAURA BUSH, She's
MUY CALIENTE!!! Why Dont you go back to Dixie, you chicas! Eat it!"

John Mellencamp: "Ooooh don't it hurt so good Johnny! If you need a hand to hold on to there's always W's. I think Kerry came a crumblin down? EAT IT!"

Pearl Jam: "OOoh, Jam this in your Pearl, Kerry lost! You know Jeremy spoke in class today and you know what he said, 'I want the W for my president!' So sit down and EAT IT!"

Michael Stipe: "OOoooh looks like you lost your religion and the election... sooo sorry! Why don't you write a few more crappy albums like the one you released last month, that will make people vote for kerry.... or how about figure out what the Frequency is Kenneth, because it ain't kerry my man! Eat it!"

Janeane Garofalo: "Just give it up... you're not funny anymore, and you annoy america. Eat it!"

Ben Affleck: "ooooh you're a terrible actor and an even more terrible democrat! Eat it! Though congrats on Jennifer Garner, she's a good catch."

Michael Moore: "Ooooh lose weight, start showering, stop talking, and realize you lost my man! Whats the temperature here in America? Its W degrees Farenheit! I'd say 'eat it' but you need to lose weight.... so don't eat it, but verbally/metaphorically eat it as Bush has won again!"

America has spoken, so sit down! I'd also like to thank the following celebrities who stuck their careers on the line for the Bushy.

Stephen Baldwin: You may be a so so baldwin, but you're the best baldwin in my book.

Kirk Cameron: I too have experienced some growing pains, but you rock!

Drew Carey: Drew, you are a funny fat man which gives hope to me, thank you for your true blue colors.

Shannon Doherty: Uh... way to go... I guess...

Dennis Hopper: Man, you're like the best man and if this blog gets less than 60 hits a day man it will like blow up man!

Ted Nugent: you are the biggest nutball I've ever seen, but keep on rocking and shooting things.

Posted by holtonian at November 5, 2004 12:42 AM | TrackBack