The Holtonian

Freezing to death for the sake of my pocket book

So when we bought this ramshackle house we set up all the normal utilities, including the gas. However, when I received our first bill I noticed we had not used one therm of gas, yet we had to pay 30$ on top of the 50$ set up fee. I thought to myself, "Chris.... yes Chris... don't you think this is a lot to pay for gas? Yes Chris I do, however maybe it will get cheaper next month... ok Chris... we'll wait." So as my wife and my several personalties waited to see the next months bill, it hit me, we don't have anything that uses gas except the heater, therefore we won't use gas in the summer.
      Our next bill proved my theory correct. We again used ZERO therms and were charged 30$ for having the possiblity of using gas. I, being of a cheap heritage, decided to cancel the gas. The evil gas company informed me that they would charge me a 100$ setup fee next time I set up my gas since I was trying to be a "seasonal user." I informed them to, "drop dead, and that I'd still save money paying a 100 bucks than 30 dollars for 4 or 5 months." Well, I didn't say drop dead, but the latter half I did. It baffled me how the gas company could charge us 30 bucks for nothing! I mean its not like I'm using the gas, why charge their customers 30$ a month???? Its rediculous.
      Well the temperature has now dropped up here on the Mtn and I must say the house is a bit cold. I was late this morning to work as it was 51 degrees in our house and the bed was the only warm spot in the house. I informed my wife that we must fight the urge to give into the evil gas company and bundle up for as long as we can and hopefully the temperature will go up and winter will not descend upon us for a while.
      The wife called me up at work and informed me she had enough and was turning on the heat. I told her, "Be my guest." A few minutes later I asked, "how's the heat going?"
      She replied, "Not good, Its not hot..."
      "Well thats cause our heater is powered by gas."
      "Oh yeah..."
      My tolerance to cold is pretty strong as I don't get cold as easily, and when my fingers go numb it doesn't bother me. I mean the sense of touch is so over rated anyway. However the wife is suffering from the frigid temperatures, we may have to pull a little scene from the Saint tonight to keep each other warm, if you don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry about it. Maybe I'll get one of those oil drums and light a fire in it like they do in the hood.
      Even poor little Copper has had the shivers. But nevertheless we will survive, for I am too cheap to bow to the powerful gas company.