The Holtonian

Well, good logic or not: did it work?

that is wives for you..

Wait a second...you've wanted a new computer for like, years now, as in, before you guys even got married. Now, all of a sudden, she wants to go to NY. Before she used to make the excuse of no money, but suddenly she's willing to drop it now that there's something SHE wants. In my mind, you had first dibs on spending money on something. Plus, a new computer will cost less than a trip to NYC, which is a dang expensive city...

Of course, there IS the whole sacrificial thing. But hey, in my mind you paid your dues with the whole drapes thing!

Josiah...how could you even bring up the drapes thing??? That is for our house which means it qualifies for both of us. It was a money sacrifice on both of our parts, and a time sacrifice on my part, so where in the world are you coming up with Chris deserves a computer because he sacrificed, "paid his dues", with the whole drapes thing???
I honestly don't care if he gets a computer or not, but I do want us to take a fun trip, just the two of us, before we have kids--and as there is never a 100% guaruntee, you gotta do it while you can--computers will always be there, and there will be more to offer later, probably for cheaper.

Janelle, this is a pretty common debate/discussion I've run into with alot of husbands and wives, especially husbands and wives of certain personality types (like my own and yours and Chris')

Usually its something like the drapes or carpeting or something that the wife wants really badly. Wife believes very firmly that said thing she wants is something for the good of both the husband and wife. Husband wants something for more entertainment purposes, and when he broaches his desire wife says no and then husbands responds with "well, you wanted ______ and you got it and I didn't care" then wife is like "it was for both of us!" Husband then usually, and unwisely but truthfully responds "well, I wouldn't have cared if we didn't get it, I'm fine without it" at which point wife gets really mad at him for being a jerk about things she believes deeply they "need."

Like the trip to NYC. I'm certain Christ would enjoy the trip to NYC, heck, who wouldn't, and he'd especially enjoy it because it was with you, his wife, whom he loves. He'd enjoy it even MORE so because he'd know it was something you really wanted EVEN IF it wasn't something he really cares about.

What you've gotta decide is if occasionally you're gonna sacrifice what you want, even if you believe what you want is actually something for both of you, to make your husband happy with something silly, like a new computer.

Now you know Chris, and you know that you can make him not get the computer in many different ways. Guys like peace. But think about how happy it would make him were he to get a new computer. Think about how thankful it would be to him that you both allowed him to get a new computer and showed interest in something that he cares about, even if its a stupid thing. Trust me, he cares deeply about things you care about just because its you, his wife, that cares about them. Were he not married to you, he'd probably never notice those things. You should, on occasion, return the favor (not that you don't do it, I'm just saying this instance would be a good opportunity to do so).

And finally, there's always time for trips in life. Sure, backpacking across the US is one thing. But my parents, with my dad making $400 a week with 4 kids, managed to pull off a couple big trips a year, including cross country trips from Pennsylvania to California. Its all about sacrifice and what standard of living you want to maintain. Its simply not the case that in the future you wont be able to do a trip to NYC.

YOU SHOULD BOTH GIVE THE MONEY TO CHRIS' OLDER BROTHER SO HE CAN GO ON A MISSIONS TRIP TO RUSSIA THIS FALL. IT IS THE RIGHTEOUS THING TO DO AND IT WILL GET YOU OUT OF PERGITORY 2.3 MINUTES EARLY.

I know how much Chris wants a new computer--and I also know that the one we currently own, (actually, his--we also have a lap top)works FINE for all of the things he NEEDS it to do--budget, internet, and limited gaming. I realize there are other games he would like to play at times, and it sucks that the computer won't play it, but honestly, a trip for the two of us would be promoting and bettering our marriage by the two of us spending time together, (be it in NYC or somewhere else) as opposed to a new computer that was compatable with more games that would inevitably take time and money away from us by increasing time spent gaming. He has a game cube and a brand new game that works on this computer. In addition, at this point, he hasn't bought several games because they won't run properly on his current computer--if that reason is gone we can all expect not only more time spent on the computer, but money spent on games, not on saving for our future trip.
When we moved in to our house we didn't have any window treatments, therefore it was a legitimate need. We also haven't taken a trip, since our honeymoon, and been away by ourselves in a year, and I am all about investing in my marriage. Aren't you? :)

For the record wife, we're alone now... and we've definately been by ourselves this past year... Though I'm all about keeping the peace and suppresing my desires (the few) for the desires of the family (the many).

I'm all about investing in your marriage. That's why I'm offering to contribute $3 to your NYC trip. This is a loan. I expect that $3 back as soon as my investment in your marriage matures.

Janelle, I'm guessing you meant to ask if I were interested in investing in MY marriage, but even so, I too am interested in donating to the get Janelle & Chris to NYC so Chris can get a computer fund. I've got 10$ earmarked for you guys. I can even setup a paypall account.

Further, considering that I do have an interest in your's and Chris' marriage (both of you being my friend(s)), I think it would be good for Chris morale that he get a new computer, which would correspond with it being good for your marriage. It would ESPECIALLY be good if it were something that you were supportive of, that is, Chris getting a new computer. I know the guy, he'd flip his lid and kiss your feet were you to be down with him getting a new comp. This, I really do believe, would be better for your relationship than a trip to NYC.

It's all about understanding how guys work, which, for a woman (much like it is for a guy in understanding a woman) is counter-intuitive. "How on earth could letting Chris get a computer be good for our relationship when we could take a great trip to NYC together?!? Its not rational!" Well, that's just kinda how it works. You letting Chris get a computer means next time Chris will be going nuts to do something awesome and great for you with little to no interest to himself other than the sheer joy of making you happy. You give to get. If you try to manufacture the joint happiness and "control" the mutual sacrifice, you'll fail and you'll both end up wanting to shoot each other.

If, on the other hand, you put the desires of the other person first, it'll only be good good good. You can't, even though you so desperately want to, think that "well, HE should sacrifice to ME on this one." Lord knows I wanna do that with April all the time and man, everytime I've said it, it's been baaaaadd, and the other way around too.

And finally, it MAY be the case that Chris wanting a computer over going to NYC is a silly thing, and that as a husband he shouldn't want it so bad. Well, you've gotta be willing to let him make a mistake like that. He'll learn from it, much like I learned once when I blew what little money April and I had on an new hard-drive. Very often I feel icky (for lack of a better word) when I use it, just 'cause I know it was a stupid buy. Chris may need to learn that lesson (though I don't think this is the situation and I kinda think he's already learned it) and I think you've gotta be willing to let him learn it the hard way. That's usually how guys work. We're stubborn and stupid, like mules really.

Ya, big hairy mules, with strong backs.

computers are overrated.... go on vacation chris

We have two kids and one on the way. It is WAY easier and more enjoyable to take a trip just me and my husband. Do we still take trips with the kids and will we continue too? Yes, of course and I look forward to many family vacations. Do I miss the days when it was just the two of us and traveling was a) cheaper and b) less stressful -- quite a bit -- pretty much every time I load the kids up for a long drive and they say "It's taking a long long time" for 6 hours. I say take the trip, but pick some place you both want to go so it isn't a sacrifice for the other person.

Good advice Amy. We there's really no debate right now, we're taking a trip, a computer is just a selfish desire of mine that will go unanswered for many more moons to come, which I'm totally fine with.

We definately want a big trip to take before the children come popping out. Thats our goal, we'd like to take one trip to Europe and possibly one cruise before childrenville comes along. I'd like to do Europe first just because I love europe, what little i've seen, and i've done a cruise before and its ok, not my favorite. Personally I prefer going places like europe or the north east for vacations because they're colder climates that won't require me to go to a beach where my visible insecurities can be shown to the world. AKA my blubbler won't be shown to Joe Q. Stranger.