The Holtonian

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So my day was exactly a yin yang sort of day. My morning was great, went to work, did nothing, and enjoyed it. Then went bowling with my work team, all the account managers, where I bowled three games, a 95, 50 something, and a 107. You maybe saying to yourself, "Chris did you leave your purse in the car??" And the answer is a resounding, "No, I brought it with me." I have known for quite sometime that I am not a bowler, i think it has to do with the fact that I'm not fat enough to be a bowler but also not in shape enough to be any form of athlete. I'm stuck in this limbo land where I'm relegated to being amazing at video games and Yahoo.com surfing. I'm in a proverbial purgatory when it comes to physical sports, I'm not good at the ones that require strength, stamina, and skill and I'm not good at the ones that require thinking, patience, and determination. So after bowling I left to go pick up some movie tickets for the Roes and Holtons (Me and wifey) for tomorrow afternoon. I got to the mall and it was zoo, all the morons who forgot Christmas landed on the 25 this year were out doing their last minute shopping thus making it impossible for normal shmoes like me to get to their destination. I ended up parking in the mall parking lot and walking all the way to Wynsong theaters: this decision was executed on my part for two reasons....

One: I had a few beers at the bowling alley and needed to work off the buzz that didn't seem to wear off after driving from the bowling alley to the mall. Two: I figured it'd be faster to go by foot. Well one out of two ain't bad. Lucky for me it started to snow... oh wait that sucked! I forgot! So there i am the only shmoe, its a reacurring theme in my life, where was I? Oh yeah only shmoe walking around the mall area dodging traffic and walking through the 30 degree weather trying to reach the Wynsong theater like Frodo trying to make it to the Volcano mountain place. So after my long journey I go up to the ticket counter. Here's where my day started to get YANGY... or is it YINNY???? Which ever one is the crappy one! I ask, "May i have some tickets for to..." Before i could finish the word that was made popular by little Orphan Annie i was interrupted by a resounding, "NO" I thought maybe this girl was making a joke. She was a teenager and teenage women have some sort of affection for hunky guys like me that is coupled with an uncontrollable urge to flirt with me so i gave the question one more shot. "Right can i have some tickets for the Return of the King for tomorrow at 4PM" She again replies, "No we don't sell tickets the day ahead." I begin to laugh partly because of the insanity of the situation and the alcohol affecting my reasoning skills. Luckily I with held the obscenities, though just barely the F-bomb was knockin at the door but i wouldn't let him come out to play, I merely harped on the mentally handicappedness of the situation otherwise known as me yelling "THIS IS RETARDED" though that probably should have been rethought considering the people who take your tickets are usually mentally handicapped these days... whoops my bad. I turn around dumb founded, pissed, frozen, and enraged by my alcohol enhanced anger. I walk back down the parking lot a few steps and stop. And much like Marty McFly's response to the insult of "Chicken" I turned and walked back to that theater and demanded to speak to the manager..... but alas unlike Marty I did not have a Deloreon or a Super Genious Doc Brown at my side to help me. The girl instructed me that she didn't know where her manager was, but I was free to look around for the "Dude in the suit" I realized I was getting no where and wasting more of my afternoon that had already been so dreadfully ruined by the Carmike bastards. I then tried to walk to the mall and see if that theater might actually be in the 21st century and allow me to purchase tickets, one day in advance, but alas they felt it more important to show crappy movies like Gothika and Bad Santa than the most popular and anticipated movie of 2003. So it was all for naught, I wasted 3 hours, most of that time spent trying to get out of the death trap of a mall and came out empty handed. I was so amazed how fast my mind thought of "What can i break" as i fumed in the lobby of the movie theater. I just wanted to start breaking things, though that seems to be my minds gut reaction to any time of frustration or boredom. I remember when registering for china with the wife that at times I'd get so bored and antsy that I just wanted to start smashing all the china, mostly to hear the sound of it all and to see the look on people's face. If i ever become insanely wealthy thats what I'm going to do, go into Dillards and just tear through the china section throwing things up down and all around. Watch out folks here comes the Holton Tornado. I hope to get tickets somehow tomorrow in advance but who knows...maybe I'm just not destined to see Frodo to the end.......
Mysterious Voice in my head: "Don't you listen to them Mr. Holton, you can do it!"
Chris: "Sam, Sam Wise Gamgee, is that you?"
Sam (AKA VOICE IN MY HEAD): "Yes Mr. Holton it is and don't get down in the dumps, we'll see the shire again, and you'll be there with me and Mr. Frodo."
Chris: "I don't know Rudy... er I mean Sam... its hard to get tickets and the mean people at Carmike are blood thristy monsters."
Sam: "Mr. Holton, Gandalf once told me, 'All that we can do with the time that we are given is... um.... They had their time... up there... but now its our time down here."
Chris: "You're right Sam... it is our time.... it is........our time....."