Mondays suck... why oh why do they have to exist? Every Monday I have seem to go through a ritual, questioning everything about my life... yeah that's why I hate mondays. I start thinking "Can I really work this job for more than a year? What if I miss my window to go to law school? Do I still want to go to law school? Can I even get into law school? What is law school? Am I a law school? If I were a law school which one would I be? Do ninja's have to go to law school? Am I a ninja? How much do ninjas make these days? On top of all this my only website that I have access to (Yahoo) wasn't working. I felt like my hands were tied, my eyes were blind folded, and my ears were covered. I actually had to work, I had no alternative... and of course I had nothing to do.
One thing I have decided, Cigna doesn't pay me enough to do nothing, I need a more lucrative do nothing job. And I decided I need to be the male version of Oprah.
I figure I'll change my name to Holprah or Chraph but that may get confused with the word crap. I'll talk to men about the issues that matter like video game separation anxiety also known as "How long can you play computer games before your wife yells at you." Also tackling the issue of Post-partyom depression or in layman's terms "Hangover's: How to keep the party going over 24 hours." Or on the other extreme Alcoholism, "When you drink so much you start arguing in the bar that the Redwings were the greatest baseball team in the American League." I'll have men crying, my own magazine with me on every cover, and my theme song "I'm every man." I'll get my own helicopter to take to work and guide the guideless males back to the dominace of the genders... er um I mean we'll play football. I seriously think women have come to dominance in the war of genders because of Oprah. She's a formidible leader like MacArthur, Napolean, Washington, Gengis Kahn, and Luke Skywalker. She has gathered her flock of emotional women and trampled testosterone right out of the world. I could say more but I'd probably have to sleep on the couch.
Posted by holtonian at October 6, 2003 10:04 PM | TrackBackI'm a ninja. They call me Ninja Nip. NN for short.
Posted by: jeep at October 6, 2003 10:11 PMIsn't that what Dr. Phil is doing? Isn't he the male version of Oprah?
Posted by: bhuffine at October 6, 2003 10:40 PMMondays are a direct result of the Fall and also anything before 10:00AM.
Posted by: ColeSlaw at October 7, 2003 07:57 AMMaybe you should go be a high-power, culture-transforming, ninja power executive at Spike TV.
Posted by: maphet at October 7, 2003 08:19 AMI have a ninja. . .in my PANTS.
Hehe. . .and no, I doubt that ninjas go to law school.
Posted by: steele at October 7, 2003 11:06 AMWe never told you, but you were adopted. When I was 5 we found you on our doorstep. I think you were left there by ninjas. There was a note. Something about you being too uncoordinated or something to be a ninja....and too ugly. Sorry to tell you like this.
Posted by: Concerned at October 7, 2003 08:24 PMCIGNA is paying people to do nothing? Any way you could convince them to put me on the payroll? :)
Posted by: RobU at October 7, 2003 09:04 PMI hope that Cigna doesn't read your blog!!!! you could always be a professional sushi taster, a restaurant critic for greater chattanooga area
Posted by: matriarch at October 11, 2003 01:53 PMHmmm...matriarch...hmmm...that'd better be Pete Holton, or another former catacombs RA. That's a hollowed title, not to be used lightly!
HOLTON == ANDY GIBB
Posted by: JosiahQ at October 13, 2003 09:43 PM