[Note: The following are a series of excerpts from St. John's sermon on Ephesians 5:21ff (and here). A different version of this entire sermon may be found here.]
From the beginning God in His providence has planned this union of man and woman, and has spoken of the two as one: "male and female He created them" and "there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." There is no relationship between human beings so close as that of husband and wife, if they are united as they ought to be.
Can you see no how close this union is, and how God providentially created it from a single nature? He permitted Adam to marry Eve, who was more than sister or daughter; she was his own flesh! God caused the entire human race to proceed from this one point of origin. He did not, on the other hand, fashion woman independently from man; otherwise man would think of her as essentially different from himself. Nor did He enable woman to bear children without man; if this were the case she would be self-sufficient. Instead, just as the branches of a tree proceed from a single trunk, He made the one man Adam to be the origin of all mankind, both male, and female, and made it impossible for men and women to be self-sufficient.
The love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together.
It is the head that upholds the well-being of the body. In his other epistles Paul has already laid the foundations of marital love, and has assigned to husband and wife each his proper place: to the husband one of leader and provider, and to the wife one of submission.
Do you want your wife to be obedient to you, as the Church is to Christ? Then be responsible for the same providential care of her, as Christ is for the Church. And even if it becomes necessary for you to give your life for her, yes, and even to endure and undergo suffering of any kind, do not refuse. Even though you undergo all this, you will never have done anything equal to what Christ has done. You are sacrificing yourself for someone to whom you are already joined, but he offered Himself up for one who turned her back on Him and hated Him.
Even if you see her belittling you, or despising you and mocking you, still you will be able to subject her to yourself, through affection, kindness, and your great regard for her. There is no influence more powerful than the bond of love, especially for husband and wife. A servant can be taught submission through fear; but even he, if provoked too much, will soon seek his escape. But one's partner for life, the mother of one's children, the source of one's every joy, should never be fettered with fear and threats, but with love and patience. What kind of marriage can there be when the wife is afraid of her husband? What sort of satisfaction could a husband himself have, if he lives with his wife as if she were a slave, and not a woman by her own free will? Suffer anything for her sake, but never disgrace her, for Christ never did this with the Church.
A man should love his spouse as much as he loves himself, not merely because they share the same nature; no, the obligation is far greater, because there are no longer two bodies, but one: he is the head, she the body.
Paul places the head in authority and the body in obedience for the sake of peace. Where there is equal authority, there never is peace. A household cannot be a democracy, ruled by everyone, but the authority must necessarily rest in one person.
So if you think that the wife is the loser because she is told to fear her husband, remember that the principal duty of love is assigned to the husband and you will see that it is her gain. "And what if my wife refuses to obey me?" a husband will ask. Never mind! Your obligation is to love her; do your duty! Even when we don't receive our due from others, we must always do our duty. Here is an example: Paul begins this passage by saying, "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." If your spouse doesn't obey God's law, you are not excused.
The wife is a secondary authority, but nevertheless she possesses real authority and equality of dignity while the husband retains the role of headship; the welfare of the household is thus maintained.
Seek the things which please God, and those which please man will follow soon enough. Instruct your wife, and your whole household will be in order and harmony. Listen to what Paul says: "If there is anything they desire to know, let them ask their husbands at home." If we regulate our households in this way we will also be fit to oversee the Church, for indeed the household is a little Church. Therefore it is possible for us to surpass all others in virtue by becoming good husbands and wives.
Show her that you value her company, and prefer being at home to being out. Esteem her in the presence of your friends and children. Praise and show admiration for her good acts; and if she ever does anything foolish, advise her patiently. Pray together at home and go to Church; when you come back home, let each ask the other the meaning of the readings and prayer. If you are overtaken by poverty, remember Peter and Paul , who were more honored than kings or rich men, though they spent their lives in hunger and thirst. Remind one another often that nothing in life is to be feared, except offending God. If your marriage is like this, your perfection will rival the holiest of monks.
Finally, never call her by her name alone, but with terms of endearment, honor and love. . . . Prefer her before all others, both for her beauty and her discernment, praise her. . . . Teach her to fear God, and all other good things will flow from this one lesson as from a fountain and your house will be filled with ten thousand blessings.
From Ephesians Homily 20 pp. 43-64, in John Chrysostom, On Marriage and Family Life, New York: St. Vladimir's Seminary Press, 1997.
Posted by Clifton at May 30, 2004 06:00 AM | TrackBack