Death - self inflicted death - how empty is this world, how empty it feels, all is meaningless when we try to fill the parts of our soul with fame, fortune, music, art, anything but Christ. I see this in my own life. The ability to stab myself to death isn't that far fetched, and don't think that you need to worry about me cause I am holding my own, but when it comes down to it this life here is empty without being saved and filled with God. Why do I forget this all the time, when I start drifting from God's side, looking for salvation in a plastic disc that makes noises come out of my cd player or in people that I care about, or anything that in itself isn't bad, except that I am trying to fill the void only Christ is able to.... anyway I will miss Elliott Smith and the ability his songs had to show me that I am lonely without God.... in his attempts to express his heart, I see mine, without the clinging to Christ. Brian
Hello
There are days here that ask me to be something beyond what I can be. Some days that's good, a pushing for higher good inside, somedays it's bad, a step back into peices of my old habits and thoughts that I gave up and worked through... I don't know why these ebbs and flows happen but it seems to be the cycle of life. And so for this reason I feel no contempt for my day to day struggle, for now anyway. I do miss inocense when I thought nothing could go wrong, but I do enjoy being wrong about how crappy this life is.... ha that was a joke... Brian