This actually happened a couple of days ago, but I never got around to divulging ...
A friend was recently explaining to me the virtues of the product he uses to keep his hair in order, and his hair is rather impressively well-kept, so I listened. I've been using cheap gel for a long time, and I figured it was time for something new, so while at the grocery store, I perused the hair-care section and decided on Dax, a petroleum-based pomade with instructions to apply liberaly and comb out excess. This is not the product he had been espousing, but that didn't matter; it was more the novelty of something new and different that motivated me. It comes in a little red can, and it reminded me of the Dapper Dan so prominently featured in "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" Surely, with a little work, I can have hair just like George Clooney, no? The next morning, I followed the directions with implicit trust ... only to find my hair a thick, gnarly mass impervious to the guidance of brush, comb, or even fingers.
I tried several bouts of shampoo, then dish soap, then kitchen degreaser, to no avail. I was now running late for work, and left my manager a message indicating that I'd had a small accident, and would explain later. I retured to the grocery store (wearing my stylish derby, naturally), but discovered no product designed to help. On another can of Dax, however, I found instructions (which were not on my can) to use vegetable oil shampoo. After a futile trip to Rite-Aid to locate such an elixir, I returned home empty handed. Not to be outdone, I pulled out the ol' bottle of Crisco and went to town. When mixed with the shampoo and used several times, this did the trick. I succeeded in restoring semi-normalcy, albeit at the cost of much hair, time, and pride, and arrived at work an hour and a half late, to the joy of explaining it all to my manager and anyone else standing around. I have since been honored by the name Slick.
Why do I share this? I don't know; glutton for punishment I guess. Good night.
Posted by dan at September 29, 2003 12:52 AM | TrackBacki don't know you dan, but i always had a certain respect for you because of the wisdom you share in your comments on hiromi's page. however, now you've blown it. applying pomade liberally, its unthinkable.you should have asked a girl. just a little dab will do ya. if you have the courage, you might try again. less is more.
~bethany
Posted by: bethany at September 29, 2003 09:35 AMThanks for good laugh Dan. I'm always captivated by the odd situations you find yourself in. ;-)
Posted by: jb at September 30, 2003 08:59 AMwhat happened to your hand lotion loyalties? ha. That's sweet. I use "Murphy's curl wax". It comes in an orange can and has black people on it. it's awsome... though beth is right, you should never "apply liberally".
Posted by: h at September 30, 2003 09:33 AMDapper Dan? Aye!
Posted by: Mark Kenyon at November 10, 2003 07:40 AM