WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, WILLIS?

Baby Classes

Last night was the last night of our baby classes. Because we didn't get into the one-day Lamaze class at Hutchinson, we did the Safe and Sound classes at Erlanger. As it turns out this was a much better choice for us.
(Click here to see some people who are really happy they did Lamaze.)

Here are some things I think I picked up from the class.

1. Babies are basically indestructible. There is not much you can do to hurt your baby, and even if you do they are very resilient and probably won't remember to tell anyone.

2. Lamaze classes are for fru-fru wannabes who will most likely end up caving on going "natural." Birth is a major medical procedure, which can be done naturally, but just because you could have a root-canal or hemorrhoidectomy without anesthesia, doesn't mean you should.

3. Dr. Lamaze was a sado-masochist who hated women. Yeah, I know, people a hundred years ago and in the third world today squeeze babies out without drugs. But, God gave us the ingenuity to manipulate our environment to make ourselves more comfortable. Whether it be general anesthetic or injecting barbituates directly into the spine, as long as a doctor does it its OK.

4. Most of the things for babies at the stores are completely unnecessary. In contrast to number 3, I think if people 100 years ago or in the third world today don't need wipe warmers, travel systems, or nasal aspriators, we don't need them either. Needless to say, we already have all these things.

5. How you choose to have and raise your baby is YOUR choice. Don't let anyone look down on you for not doing it the way they did. Tell Grand -ma, -pa, or whoever, This was the best choice for us.

So if you want a no bull, to-the-point, How to Have a Baby for Dummies class, Erlanger's Safe and Sound is for you. Plus, you get a free car seat and the classes are free.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. First Things First came by and went over 10 reasons why single mothers and divorcees should feel bad. It was actually 10 ways to make a marriage work, but with a couple of Moms going it alone in the audience, I thought it was pretty rude. I do agree with most of their ideas though..