verbingnouns

Dear Christin Advice Column

From time to time, I check my sitemeter to see what search words people use to find my blog. I've had some pretty funny ones in the past, like "It turned out I was really bored" and "happiness is a crock of beans." But I looked at it the other day and found one of the more interesting searches: "I got sideburns but I want to get rid of them without my mom knowing." Hmm. Here's my advice:

Dear Sideburns,
Your question is rather vague. I can't tell if your mother wants you to have the sideburns or not.
If in fact, you grew the sideburns, but want to lose them before your mom finds out you ever had them: lighten up. It's not like you got your nose peirced or got a big tattoo or something. They're sideburns. They're easily disposed of. If you don't want your mom to know you had them: shave them. At someone else's house. If you've gone this far without her knowing you had them, surely you can find the time to shave them elsewhere.
However, if your problem is the opposite: you don't want your mom to know you got rid of the sideburns (you would like your mother to think you still have them), you have two choices: you can (a)draw them on with some eyeliner and hope your mom doesn't notice how smooth they are or (b)you can leave town for a few weeks and grow them out again before you come home.
Your need for keeping this a secret from your mom concerns me, Sideburns. Perhaps you and your mother have some deeper issues besides the facial-hair problem. Maybe you should seek professional help.

Christin