I can think of few things in life that are better than just hanging out with friends and talking. Whether it involves serious life-changing conversations or telling stories and laughing until you can hardly breathe, there is nothing I enjoy more. Not entirely related, but along the same friendship line...
I've been thinking lately about how much our friends and our communities define who we are. I've heard people make fun of southerners because we have the tendency to introduce someone like this: "This is Joe. He's Jane's cousin's brother-in-law's nephew." Of course it's a stretch to make that many connections (and I'm exaggerating a bit), but it gives you some point of reference for Joe. If you meet someone and don't know who they are in relation to anyone else, you're left to judge them by how they dress, how they speak, where they're from, etc. I think a personal reference tells much more about who a person is.
For example, I know 14 of the people on my blogroll face-to-face. While someone might read this page who doesn't know me, they could see my links and by learning about who I associate myself with, they can learn more about me. Likewise, in real life, you can learn an unbelievable amount about someone just by seeing who they are friends with.
Meeting someone without knowing anything about them is like taking a sentence out of context. Only when you know where they are coming from (if or where they go to church, what they do for a living, what they do for fun, and so on) can you truly understand that person. I think personal relationships are the best point of reference.
No theology/philosophy without biography. No biography without testmonies from friends and relatives.
Posted by: JosiahQ at July 14, 2003 03:39 PMNo truth without framework?
So what happens if you only know someone out of their context? For instance, someone you're dating/courting who lives way out of town and it just works out that you never really see their friends? Or developing a pre-dating or pre-courting relationship by email? I'm just not in favor of it, it seems pretty odd to me. And it seems that you could pretty easily put your best side forward all the time.
Posted by: Mike at July 14, 2003 10:56 PME-mail is a good starter for getting to know somebody, talking online is another step forward. I've really gotten to know and respect a guy mainly from talking online. yes, we've met in person, i know his friends, we've met each others familys.But you're right..its easier to "check ourselves" over e-mail...unless you are me. hahahaha. I don't ever remember re-reading an e-mail, i type whats on my mind just like i would talk...sadly :) hehehe It all depends on the person i suppose..i'm rather weird and things work for me that may not work for others. but anwyays..thats just what i have to say. I could be totally wrong...after all..i'm only 17.
Posted by: Kat B at July 14, 2003 11:18 PMI'm with Josiah. I think the danger of a relationship without context (say, internet) is that you can purposefully or accidentally invent a framework that may not be accurate. Context is incredibly important here in the South, because we are very family and community oriented.
Posted by: Shannon at July 15, 2003 08:57 AMI think you can begin to get to know someone without the context of their friends and family (like Kat said). Perhaps in some rare circumstances, you can get to know the real person via e-mail or blogging or phone, but by getting to know someone's community, you can get to know the real person.
Posted by: Christin at July 15, 2003 09:03 AMI'm with you Christin. Having done this very thing, I know the pitfalls and yet positives quite well. You CAN get to know someone quite well over the internet and phone, but it helps if you both know someone or some group of people...that fact helped my particular situation immensely. The positive aspect of not knowing someone right off the bat in person, is that the physical aspect of the relationship is missing. You are not drawn to him or her by that, but by stuff that really matters...how they think, how they speak, what they choose to talk about. The pitfalls are what everyone has already mentioned...you can "front" when it's not in person. You don't really "know" someone until you meet them in person and can interact AROUND them....that much is obvious to anyone.
Posted by: Uncle Josh at July 15, 2003 09:16 AMYou're one of the people I had in mind when I was thinking about this UJ. You and Lacey did get to know each other well without being face-to-face, but you had quite a few mutual friends, which gave you a huge reference point.
Posted by: Christin at July 15, 2003 09:26 AMShannon, I'm with you. There's a wonderful epistemological and existential benefit that flows out of the South's commitment to community, family, and history (oh, and Christianity too ;) )
Posted by: JosiahQ at July 15, 2003 10:16 AMThere it is. Meaning derived from relations within a context. Just like language.
Posted by: Jeannette at July 15, 2003 12:25 PMI'm glad to be one of the "don't know you" people on your blogroll. I generally agree with you about getting to know someone in community. I didn't get to know Mike that way at all, and I'm marrying him in a few weeks. I got to know him mostly by talking on the phone, we had friends who knew each other, both no one person knew both of us extremely well. The interesting thing is that both of us fell into being reformed in just the past couple of years. Other than Christ Church North Carolina, all of my friends are happy-clappy evangelicals or pagans. I love them! But my relationship in that community is odd if you don't know me outside of it as well. I'm an insider-outsider. Mike, too. It was nice for both of us to know each other as individuals and then meet our messed-up families and our strange communities and the churches we love... it made more sense than if I had just met him at church or out at some pub.
Posted by: Kristen at July 16, 2003 07:31 PMCandice and I are with you. I think there are very few things more enriching than just visiting with people that you love and are loved by.
Posted by: SonofThunder at July 18, 2003 03:09 PM