From Worldnetdaily article by Doug Powers
1.Moses parted the Red Sea without first performing an environmental impact study.
2. Jesus gave a Sermon on the Mount where he talked of giving to the poor, and spoke out against greed, and all without charging attendees $300 per ticket. (Barbra Streisand only).
3. The term "The Three Wise Men" is insensitive to the intellectually challenged. That should be changed to the "Trio of educationally advantaged amateur astronomers."
4. Instead of gold, frankincense and myrrh, they should have brought hummus, incense and a representative from Child Protective Services.
5. The Virgin Mary didn't first meet with consultants from Planned Parenthood.
6. Ten plagues and still not a single person thought of nationalizing health care?
7. Adam didn't ask Eve for verbal as well as written consent before touching her.
8. Of course Cain killed Abel. He was obviously suffering either from bipolar disorder, low blood sugar, emotional abuse as a child, or societal neglect.
9. "The trials of Job" were nothing. Try getting a job with nothing but a masters degree in Norwegian Art History – that's a test!
10. Too bad Greenpeace didn't have their own ark so they could have rammed Noah's Ark. You just know that, after the flood, Noah sold those animals to the circus.
11. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah could have easily been prevented if they would have passed hate-crime legislation sooner.
12. Jesus is one of the greatest teachers in history, but isn't a member of the National Education Association. In other words, God uses scab labor.
13. David slew Goliath simply because he was unfortunate enough to have been stricken with gigantism.
14. "The Last Supper" didn't offer an option for people on gluten-free diets, and the fat content on the food was not labeled.
15. The part about Jonah and the whale becoming entangled in tuna nets is conveniently passed over in the Old Testament.
16. God should have spent the seventh day not resting, but rather going around putting warning stickers on all potentially dangerous, really pointy things.
17. What's the big deal about Nebuchadnezzar spending seven years ingesting grass? Heck, Woody Harrelson's done it longer than that.
18. The Bible mentions nothing about obtaining the necessary permits to build the Tower of Babel.
19. People lived to be hundreds of years old without prescription-drug coverage? I don't think so.
20. Jesus turned water into wine, which was not very mindful of those who happened to be teetering on the brink of plunging down the stairs of their 12-step program.
21. Of all the wealth possessed by King Solomon, the amount he donated to environmental causes: $0.
And the thing about the Bible that drives the left the most crazy? People can find salvation without their assistance.
Posted by bran at August 25, 2003 01:31 PM | TrackBackDoesn't the fact that the early church (including the disciples) was a socialist commune drive the right nuts also?
Posted by: JosiahQ at August 25, 2003 01:59 PMInteresting that you said that. I was going to do a post about 20 things about the bible that drives the extreme right nuts.. among them what you said about the early church. Also about environment and about the handling of money. I am a maverick politically - I will not be pigeon-holed in either camp very easily. The bible drives the human race nuts - it is one of those "hurts so good" things. You hate it sometimes - yet you know it is right and God uses it to save you. Like cough syrup (not being blasphemous)
I totally agree. A pakistani friend of mine once told me that he feels that the Bible & Christianity is inherently revolutionary no matter what culture it's being presented in.
He said this isn't an anti-culture revolution, in the fundamentalist sense, but instead a spiritual undermining by the person and work of Jesus. It's as if, in America, we suffer from rampant individualism, so the gospel hits us smack upside the head with community. In muslim countries, the individual means nothing, so the gospel says "you, sinner, believe, there is forgiveness for you, from Me." It's all so great!
Posted by: JosiahQ at August 27, 2003 08:19 AM