One day, I hope that Christmas doesn't stress me out so much. I don't mind cutting corners at any other time of the year. We accept the necessity of a tight budget while Patrick is in school and we can live with it. But I just hate not being able to do what I would like to for the people I love at Christmas.
I'm tired of trying to think of what I can make as a gift, telling myself "it's the thought that counts". But shoot, these folks don't want another home-made ornament or cookie mix from me. I'm tired of GIVING those things, I know they're tired of GETTING them. I did try to prepare for this a little by buying some gifts several months ago, and I am so glad I did. That helped. But, it's still this thing that hangs over my head and it's hard to ignore it sometimes.
I can see where some of this is selfish and prideful, and I should work on that. I thought about not even writing this entry, but I think I have to. I have to admit that I am not strong all the time. I try to be solid and independant, and people have come to expect that from me, but it's not always the truth. If I never admit the hard times, then people never know the real me. I try to be optimistic and "up", and I think that's a good thing. I can't change the circumstances sometimes, but I can control my attitude and my responses. But sometimes, I'm just weak. Sometimes, I'm not okay. And I need to be vulnerable and expose that occasionally. Not to feel sorry for myself, but to make this writing/blogging thing genuine. To make my LIFE genuine. If I'm not writing and living honestly, what's the point?
Well, that's it for today... sorry to be depressing! Tommorow is another day. It's good to know.
Posted by Shannon at December 12, 2003 01:08 PM | TrackBackI know exactly where you are on this one! I try to do something unique and budget minded every year. I completely empathize with your dilemma.
Here is an idea for a great Christmas gift I gave each member of my family and friends on my Christmas List. Every person who I gave it to last year was so touched, I wish I could re-do this one! I sat down and thought about the person I was giving this to. I wrote down fun stuff we have done together, or just generally what they mean to me and how they have impacted my life. On some I inclued a poem or great quote. I then copied them onto an handmade paper and had them framed. It was such a great gift and can be done VERY inexpensively, especially with your framing expertise.
I know that I love to hear good changes I have made in peoples lives and most of the time this is not said enough. When you can give a gift like that, a person can hang that in a special place and when they are feeling down they can look at what a difference they made in someone's life and instantly get a lift.
Just my 2 cents. Hope you enjoy your Christmas!
After I reread this I realize that it's kind of preachy. I don't mean it that way at all. Hopefully you can take it with a grain of salt and get something from it. Also I'm not sure it's as clear as I'd like it but I have to go to work now.
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I think you're on to something. I'm coming to realize that we tend to make everything about ourselves and what we do in our own strength when the point of it all is that we have no strenght outside of Christ. You say that you try to do this and that and be this way but Christ says that we can do nothing outside of him. In fact we are nothing outside of Him.
I guess I've gone through a lot lately to lead me to this point. I don't know if it's just human nature or western thought but life really isn't about me but about Christ. Am I willing to lose my life for Christ? Not just a matter of martyrdom but but am I willing to subjugate all of myself to Him? Am I willing to lose all that I hold dear? Christ said (can't remember where) that if one wishes to come to Him first he must hate his parents brothers sisters etc. Pretty hard stuff.
Please don't take any of this as condemning. Just know that you don't have the strength to do this or that. You can't be this way or that way without Him. That's the whole point. The upside is, however, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. I've spent too much time killing myself trying to do or to be a certain way and that's all I did was kill myself.
Rest in the strenght of Christ.
Personally I prefer homemade stuff as gifts and if you're people are tired of homemade stuff and want store bought crap then they need to check their own hearts and give up love of worldly stuff.
Posted by: ColeSlaw at December 12, 2003 02:38 PMamen brother.
we made nearly all our stuff this year b/c we had to, and I'm happy with the results. the guys might not be thrilled, but they'll be ok.
I'm so tired of the gimmme attitude that creeps into my heart too.
Oh, I hope I didn't give the impression that everybody wants store-bought gifts. My family is great, they appreciate home-made things alot. It's just me, really. Sometimes I see something and I think, oh So and So would LOVE that... I'd like to occasionally indulge that feeling, you know?
Posted by: Shannon at December 12, 2003 03:57 PMHey Shannon- I know that entry was a way to vent and that it is more about you than anything. But for the record, your gifts are always something that I look forward to. They are unique and thoughtful and personalized. But I do know how you feel when you want to be able to have no limits and give exactly what you want to give. Do you think we ever get to that point though? I love you Shannon. You are a wonderful person and an even better sister.
I lost my wife of 37 years to cancer,i was to depressed to go on.I turned to Jesus just before i quit on life i asked for what i lost back.I was on my knees weeping praying and pleading.Christ touched me there in that lonely dark room of our old home.He took my pain and i felt his love surge through me.Today i'm alive remarried to a wonderful christian lady. Christ is with us i know this and how wonderful. AMEN
Jim.