:::I will apologize in advance for the length of this post. I found that I have a lot to say on this subject and had a hard time editing myself!:::
As a mother, I get so sick and tired of "parenting magazines". They are usually filled with liberal, Godless bull. If you take the behavioral advice written by the "professionals of the field", you are going to end up with a snot nosed brat. Sorry, but it's true.
They tell you NEVER lift a hand to your child. Instead, find ANY other alternative to so vulgarly and offensively injuring your child (both physically and psychologically). Offer compromises, choose your battles, distract your wayward child with other exciting activities. Let me expound on what that will do. It will compromise the integrity of your child. It will teach them that you only battle when you're sure you can win. And it distracts them from living a righteous and holy life.
I think we see evidence of this type of parenting every day. How many times do you cringe when you think of being around certain children? What child in your life do you just hate to see coming? Well, the blame for that is layed directly at the feet of their parents. Parents are responsible for the molding and shaping of a Godly child, and if you ignore the tools we were given and commanded to use, you fail your child miserably. It's harder, takes more love to train with the rod than all these wishy washy behavior modifications. I spank my children because I love them and want them to grow up obedient and loving the Lord. I'm tired of defending that.
Now, that said, let me say, if you TRAIN your child with loving diligence, you will not often have to DISCIPLINE them. Set up training sessions, starting when they are very young, I'm talking 5 or 6 months old. Put something within their reach that you don't want them to touch, like a glass of water. Let them reach for it, and swat/thump their hand and quietly say "No". Never raise your voice; that teaches them that the tone is directly related to how much they can get away with. If you say it with sober quietness, they will always know you are serious. As you do this training, they may or may not cry, they'll think about it, and try again. Repeat the process until they begin to understand that "No" is associated with an unpleasant feeling. Make this a short, ten minute affair, then remove the object and play with your baby. Let them see your happy smiling face. Always aproach training with a calm heart, knowing that you are working to create a little soul that loves the Lord and loves you. After a few training sessions, you will have immediete, effective obedience when you say "no". It's not a matter of the morality of reaching for a glass. This is training, just like you would use to teach a pet what you expect. Of course, I'm not comparing your child to a dog! But the principle of training is the same. Teaching them "no" is just the beginning of many training instances they should face in these early years. After you've effectively trained them, they understand what is expected of them. When they test those rules, showing willfullness and disobedience, then you use the rod for discipline, or other appropriate action. (However, do not use these methods as sole replacement for the rod.) With effective training, you will find that you rarely have to discipline. I'm not just saying that - it's true.
If you train your children in this way, you will find such freedom and joy in your child. Having limitations makes them happy and secure. Not to mention that there are situations where immediete obedience could save their life. If they begin to run into a busy street, you should be able to yell "No, stop!" and they freeze in their tracks. You don't want your child pausing to consider if you really mean it or not, or how much farther they can run before you get truly mad.
Sheesh, I just want to keep going on this subject, but I don't want this to be too terribly long. I think I'm going to make this a series of posts. I welcome your comments on this subject, even if you don't have children. For reference, I suggest you read the book "To Train Up A Child" by Mike and Debi Pearl (the first chapter is available free online at that link.) The book costs 5.00, and can be ordered here. It is by far, the best, most helpful book I've ever read about child-rearing. Our copy is on loan to a friend right now, but I'll be happy to share it if anyone else wants to read it. We have used many of the very common sense techniques in this book with our first child, and now with our second. I do not claim to have perfect children - I am simply stating that we can't be afraid to be the parents we're called to be.
I will say, there are a few things that the Pearls believe that I do not. If you know me, you'll probably recognize these passages when you get to them. These are not related to child rearing, but more doctrinal differences. I believe, with any book, you should try to glean the good and ignore the rest.
The strongest evidence I have for parenting the way I do (besides believing the command in the Bible concerning the rod) are those shiny happy faces that bring me such joy, and peace, and contentment.
Alright then, lay it on me. Kiss me or Curse Me!
Posted by Shannon at August 2, 2003 11:39 PM | TrackBackShannon,
Sounds like you've got your head on straight. When I have children- I know who to come to for good, sound advice.
Wow that was a long post! But I think that you've
made your point very well and I agree with 100%.
and your children are a good exsample of a
consistant and steady hand of discipline.
I hope nobody thinks I am holding up my children as the standard for good behavior. I appreciate the comments, I do- I just hope I didn't sound superior. I definately struggle to live up to what I wrote every day- and often I miss the mark.
Posted by: Shannon at August 4, 2003 05:48 PMI'm very thankful and grateful to God for giving my niece and her husband guidance and wisdom in rearing their children in the way He desires... it delights my heart to see Him in you...