A Peck of Gold

That Boy We Love

You never know what you might find floating in your pool. Just ask Eric Riccardi, who woke up one morning to find Batboy floating on a raft in his pool in Las Vegas after a recent escape from a research center. This was a while back, about a year after they discovered Batboy in a cave in West Virginia.

Scientist had concluded that Batboy was obviously from a tribe of subterranean creatures evolved from bats. What clued them in was his big ears, massive eyes, fear of the light, and the fact that he ate his weight in insects in a single day.

I guess he overcame his fear of the light, because Batboy has gone on to make some contributions to society in the daytime. Did you know that he served in the military in the war in Afghanistan? Oh yeah, it was special ops, if I recall correctly. I remember he wore a bandana that was the US flag. Beautiful.

However, Batboy isn't always on the right side of the law. Recently, he was reported to have stolen a car and gone on a tri-state joyride. He is also supplementing his diet with donuts, as he was sighted in an Indiana donut shop while eluding police officers.

But the Badboy Batboy does have a softer side. Sources say that he has a crush on Jenna Bush, yes, the daughter of G.W. The Secret Service has kept Batboy away from Jenna on three different occasions, and has warned him that they will shoot if he attempts to kiss or bite Jenna.

Apparently, biting is a thing with Batboy. A reporter for the World News just happened to witness a brutal attack by Batboy directed at 10 year old girl. Now, granted, the girl started it by throwing a rock at Batboy, but still. Shame on you Batboy. The reporter, after clicking a few memorable **shots, came to the rescue of the girl by throwing a garbage can at Batboy.

And somehow, in between eluding FBI and courting Jenna, Batboy has managed to find the time to become involved in politics. He burst into the headquarters of Al Gore during the Presidential campaign and as an aide explained: "Bat Boy can't talk, of course - but he showed us in his own inimitable way that he was there to endorse our man. He started screeching and excitedly pointing at a 'Gore for President' sign and shaking his head 'yes, yes, yes."

Unfortunately, Batboy has met with an accident as of late. He was hit by an exterminators truck and sprayed with pesticide by the frightened driver. He seems to be recovering though, and you can send him a get well card to wish him well.

Wow. Batboy has lead a rich, eventful life. They should make a musical out of it. Oh wait. They did.

I don't know about you, but I'll be waiting with an eager heart for the next headline. Anyone want to make a prediction on it?

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Posted by Shannon at July 8, 2003 08:09 PM | TrackBack