I don't know if I mentioned the fact that Wrenn is away at her Grandparent's this week, leaving us home with only the Bruiser. I have to admit, my day is vastly different without her around. It's so... quiet. I have more time than I know what to do with, so of course I've been wasting it all browsing like a mad man. The internet is way too addictive. It's like a novel you just can't put down, and it has no conclusion! Ever! It just keeps going! -sigh- I wish I could get paid to browse- that would be sweet.
I've done one other thing this week since Wrenn is gone. I've indulged in some soap operas- gasp!
I occasionally watch Days of Our Lives anyway... just for something to do while I eat lunch. I used to watch Passions, before Scoo was old enough to notice, but I had to give it up. It was and continues to be, the stupidest soap opera of all time. I think, and hope, that most people watch it just to make fun of it. Days has it's moments as well. Anyway, I've picked up a few things watching these shows, and of course, since anything is game for blog material, I've created a list. I like lists. I LOVE lists. If I can make a list out of something, I am durn well going to do it.
Things I wish I could tell a Soap Opera Character:
1. If you are going to get married, just accept the fact that your half sister is going to interrupt the ceremony with news that either your husband to be is her baby's daddy, or that your husband is somehow your brother so you're about to commit incest.
2. If you are angry, and you storm off in a car, or possibly a motorcycle, you WILL have an accident, everyone will convene at the hospital, and probably spend some time in the hospital chapel crying pretty tears, and amazingly, you will not die.
3. The chances are pretty great that, for some reason, your pregnant best friend is faking it with a tummy pillow, or has hired a pregnant woman to have plastic surgery to look just like her. (A variation on this theme is an unknown twin sister...)
4. There is ALWAYS someone standing in the cracked doorway. SHUT the door if you don’t want everyone to hear your evil plans and secrets. As a matter of fact, just stop talking aloud to yourself and that takes care of a multitude of problems.
5. Bad guys never die. It may appear so, but that's their nature, they trick you. They can die repeatedly. And if they DO actually die, (which I just don't believe is possible) they always have a son ready to take over their evil ways. Beware.
6. If you are trying to rescue someone, or find them, chances are, they can hear you talking. Just wait ONE MORE SECOND, and try to listen harder, because they are stupidly whispering "help... help" in their quietest voice.
7. Don't leave incriminating items, like manila envelopes with photos of your affair, out where just ANYBODY might see them. And in that vein, under a couch cushion is not a good hiding place for these things either.
8. Maybe you should move, because your town is prone to freakish, natural disasters at least twice a year, see number 2 for accident protocol.
9. You don't have to celebrate every single freaking holiday with gusto. It's okay to skip the Arbor Day Party, or the Valentine's Day Party, or President's Day Party, or National Secretary's Day.
10. And finally, enough with the dramatic pauses! We know the writers are just lazy and filling up time, but please. You can only look perplexed for about a minute before you start to look pretty retarded.
Well that's my two cents for today.