For reasons which my family and close friends know, this will be my last public comments on this Convention for some time to come. Although it is pretty obvious that I haven't considered myself an Episcopalian for some time (how many times have I referred to myself as an "Orthodox wannabe"?), it is the last church home I have known. It occurred to me as I followed the high profile resolutions how many emotions and feelings I still have about the Episcopal Church. In many ways it was the first church home I chose as an adult. And the deep friendship I have with the parish priest who oversaw my entry into ECUSA remains a treasured gift. I had a bishop whose courageous actions and words, and deep abiding faith I admired and knew I could trust. I had a parish-supported askesis of prayer, fasting, liturgy and Scripture which made significant changes in my ecclesiology/Christology, sacramental understanding and overall faith. Martin Thornton's Benedictine three-fold askesis of Eucharist, office and private prayers was very much my own. I would never have known of such a tool if it weren't for the library at Trinity parish.
With so much for which to be thankful, this week was the emotional equivalent of watching a slow-motion car-wreck in which your loved one was a front-seat passenger: not in control of the direction of the vehicle, and unable to stop its destructive path. I couldn't help but post the news items, but did so with the heaviest of hearts. Like Fr. David and Jeff, I sincerely couldn't believe that the Episcopal Church was being forced to make a doctrinal and ecclesial judgment not through dialogue and contemplation but through political majority. The majority may have felt they "won" over the issue of homosexuality, but it is clearer than ever that the consequences of their decision will be deep, painful and long-lasting and involve the rest of the Anglican Communion, for which little public thought seems to have been given by the majority. I wasn't around for the women's ordination issue, but by all accounts of those who were, this one is different. I'm sorry, Barbara Harris, apparently you were wrong.
I have been blessed or cursed (depending on how you view it) with an active conscience. There are just some boundaries that I cannot cross without committing existential and theological suicide. There are decisions I've made some months ago, so though the pain of this recent week and a half is surprisingly strong and deep, it was not unlooked for, and medicine is being applied. In fact, unless my wife goes into labor overnight, I'll be going for a checkup tomorrow morning.
Posted by Clifton at August 8, 2003 05:36 PM | TrackBack