Short of sleep by one hour, I hauled myself down to the bustop Sunday morning. I wanted very much to catch the 6:40 bus so I could get to the church in plenty of time. I had plenty of repenting to do.
Having gotten off the connecting bus, I walked to the church. Passing by the parsonage, I was almost to the front steps when Fr. Patrick emerged from the parsonage and called my name. We greeted one another and I updated him on the health of my brother-in-law, Delane. Once inside, I went downstairs, doffed my jacket, made out the check for the offering, and headed back upstairs.
One of the fist things I did was to stand before the icon of Christ to offer my repentance. I had come with a whole litany of prayers I was going to pray. In the end, however, all I could do was muster enough to say the Jesus Prayer three times with a prostration with each petition. I stood for awhile, with nothing much to pray, feeling only my remorse. I made a final prostration. Then I stood before the icon of the Theotokos. I could do nothing but monosyllabically ask her intercessions.
Feeling wretched, I sat back down in my seat. I attempted to pray and meditate some more. The silence was broken by Fr. Patrick's invitation. Since he and I were the only ones present just then, he invited me to join him in the sanctuary behind the iconostasis, to observe the Prothesis (or Proskomede). Given the quiet setting this morning, he thought I'd be interested in observing a service I normally wouldn't get to see (except through the spaces on the iconostasis), this time by quite literally looking over his shoulder.
The Prothesis is a short service in which the bread and wine are prepared to be placed on the altar, and later to be consecrated during the Divine Liturgy. Fr. Patrick began by saying three times, "O God be gracious to me a sinner, and have mercy upon me." He then prayed, "Thou has redeemed us from the curse of the law by thy precious Blood: nailed to the Cross and pierced by the spear, thou hast poured forth immortality upon mankind. O our Savior, glory to thee."
He then took the circular loaf of bread (one of three), on which the Seal representing Christ had been baked. This and the other loaves had all been baked by various parishioners. Fr. Patrick took the bread in his left hand and the knife in his right and with the knife made the sign of the Cross over the Seal in the bread. "In remembrance of our Lord and God and Savior Jesus Christ."
He then cut along the right side of the Seal. "He was led as a sheep to the slaughter." Then the left. "And as a spotless lamb is dumb before his shearer, so opened he not his mouth." Then he cut along the upper side of the Seal. "In his humiliation his judgment was taken away." And the bottom. "And for his generation, who shall declare it." Then he lifted the Lamb (the portion which had been cut away) and placed it on the Diskarion (or paten). "For his life is taken away from the earth."
Turning the Lamb over so the Seal was on the bottom, he made a cross-wise cut in the bread, but not cutting all the way through to the Seal. "Sacrificed is the Lamb of God who taketh away the sin of the world, for the life of the world and its salvation." Then he took the Spear, a long, golden, knife-like object with a triangular point on the end, and turning the Lamb back upright, he inserted the Spear into the right side of the Lamb. "One of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side--" He then took the vials of wine and water-- "--and immediately there came forth blood and water--" --and poured them into the Chalice. "--and he that saw it bare witness, and his witness is true." Since this is Lent, a second Lamb was likewise cut from one of the remaining loaves, to be consecrated with the first Lamb during the Liturgy, and then brought forth later in the week for the Presanctified Liturgy.
Then a triangular portion of one of the loaves was cut out and placed on the Diskarion next to the Lamb, symbolizing the Mother of God. Smaller triangles were cut for the angels, saints, and martyrs, as well as living bishops, priests and deacons. Smaller pieces are pinched off for every member of the parish and for the living and the dead for whom prayers are sought.
Then Subdeacon Andrew brought the censer and Fr. Patrick censed the elements. He brought out the Asterisk (something like a small golden frame which is placed over the elements and over which a veil is later placed), and placed it on the Diskarion over the bread. "And the star came and stood over the place where the young Child was." More prayers and censing followed. But soon it was finished and I returned to me seat to pray Matins (or Orthros).
It brought home to me ever more forcefully the central meaning of the Eucharist, both its historicity and its mystery. Here I was, dead and lifeless, offering my best repentence. But nonetheless I felt quite distant from God. But so that I might remember his grace and mercy, which is unbounded by any standard of perfectly performed repentance, he invited me behind the iconostasis into the holy of holies. I had intended a radiant and complex metanoia. All that came forth was a half-articulate handful of prostrations. I had sought solace and comfort. I sat still burdened and troubled. But God did not want my feelings to be the basis for my spiritual struggle, so I was taken behind the veil, where, the Epistle read later in the service told me, my anchor holds. And a great grace was shown this unworthy sinner.
Posted by Clifton at April 7, 2003 04:12 PM | TrackBack