Well, it's happened. Sofie has gotten her first illness. It's at least a cold, but we're going in to the doctor this morning to make sure that's all it is.
I'm heartbroken.
Seriously. Monday night, Sofie woke herself up with a dry, raspy cough. She cried because she didn't feel good. She coughed because she was crying (and congested). And so it went. What was worse was that her crying wasn't her normal, full-bodied, both-lungs-to-capacity crying. It was more a whimper. (I'm tearing up again as I write this.) As a dad I felt just one-hundred-percent useless and helpless.
My little girl was suffering, and I couldn't help her.
I did the only thing I could think of. Grabbing her up out of her co-sleeper, I carried her to our icon corner (newly-ignited vigil lamp still burning quietly), and prayed to the Holy Trinity. I also asked the intercessions of the Theotokos and my patron saints: "Heal my little girl." Then I dipped my finger in the oil from the vigil lamp and signed the cross on her forehead.
We called the pediatrician on-call--which calmed me down somewhat--and were "reassured" that there was pretty much nothing we could do. Run the humidifier. Watch that her symptoms didn't get worse. And bear her suffering with her.
Actually, he didn't say that last part. But if I read my job responsibilities from Ephesians 5:21ff correctly, that is what I am to do.
Sofie, for her part, continues to amaze us with her sweetness. Bad as she feels, she always has a smile for mommy and daddy. She plays like she normally does. No extra fussiness to speak of. Thankfully, her nap-times are longer and deeper. God is taking care of her. Her angel watches over her.
To think, this is only her first illness, and, apparently, little more than the common cold. This dad has some toughening up to undergo, that's for sure. In the meantime, pass me another hanky.
Posted by Clifton at February 4, 2004 07:44 AM | TrackBackYou and Sofie and Anna are in my prayers, brother.
Posted by: justin at February 4, 2004 08:42 AMWelcome to Daddom, Pa!
Where all your biggest fears (and joys) will materialize right before your eyes!
...Providing all the opportunities you'll ever need for rejoice and repentance.
I'll keep you in my prayers. It's never easy when the kids feel badly...but it's usually only for a little while...
Posted by: Laura Nee at February 4, 2004 01:34 PMBecoming a parent introduces you to an entire world of feelings (good and bad), hopes, fears, and anxieties that you couldn't have imagined otherwise. Dealing with sick kids certainly is part of that world. Even when the kids are healthy, I sometimes wake up in the night and wonder, "Are they warm enough? Are they too hot? Are they breathing?" Middle-of-the-night noises make me wonder if there's a mouse or bat in their room (yeah, I've chased about 6 bats out of the house since we've lived in it). It's almost worse when they're awake: will they fall down the stairs? pull the bookshelf over on themselves? pull the dog's ears one too many times? choke on a toy?
This is not a job for the timid. My heart and prayers go out to you.
Posted by: Michael G at February 4, 2004 03:57 PM